celtic Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Oh, here we go. This I am sure is going to spark a firestorm of responses but please be objective about this. I have been dating a women for about 2 years now. She has abnormally sagging breasts, otherwise, she is beautiful. She is 26 without kids so it is natural I believe from her background and race. As a guy, I have to say, I have tried to look past the sagging breast issue. As much as I try, it still bothers me on a regular basis. The reason I struggle with this so much is the fact 1. that this is how she is naturally and 2. I believe it to be shallow on my part to think so much of physical appearance. With that being said, the whole thing still bothers me. You can say I am shallow and blast me if you want, but the fact is it bothers me and I am frustrated with the whole thing because I dont feel I can really talk to her about it because I dont think it would be fair to her and i havent really asked anyone for advice outside this forum. So I am hoping for some good advice from people on here. Has anyone here been in a relationship where they have been unable to look past a physical trait such as this in a relationship? If so, can you give me some advise either how to look past this issue or move on with my life. I have to say, besides this, the relationship is excellent. I would really hate to leave this women over a physical issue that I am too shallow to be able to put out of my mind. Please help!
Marshbear Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I would say that if you are serious about looking past the physical issue then you have to look deep within yourself to see the person she is and how lucky you are to have her. You have to believe that she is beautiful inside and out and that she will always be this way ( even if the boobs sag to China or the tummy balloons past her feet ). It is a hard issue to face and even harder to overcome. We are so conditioned to look for the physical first and then see if the other things fall into place for a relationship. There are many posters on here who say that they are not attracted to their w,h and they want to stray. I don't think there is an easy answer. It is a mental thing and you have to overcome that to have a chance. Peace...
Treasa Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Let's put it this way....an erect penis is gorgeous. A limp one is ugly as hell. And since men aren't always erect.... If you can't get past this, then let this wonderful, otherwise gorgeous woman find someone who will give her everything she deserves. Women are the ones who pay the physical toll for bearing children. We should be revered for it, not scorned.
Merin Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Well.. Honestly IMO if you Really Love someone then you Love them for WHO they are. With that said.. I do understand that a Physical attraction is needed in wanting to know more about someone romantically speaking BUT you've said she is beautiful AND you've said you've been with her for 2 years.. so yeah obviously there is physical attraction AND you have gotten to know her.. If I recall correctly you posted another question regarding your GF a few days ago wondering if her not taking care of your Dogs was going to be a deal breaker in the relationship.. My two cent's on this is.. I think in some ways you already know you want to end the relationship (for whatever reasons.. could be boredom, fear of moving forward in the relationship.. I don't know) but the "issues" you're now having with the sagging Ta Ta's and Dogs is a excuse (If you will) to find fault or something that you can't live with so to speak because it wouldn't feel right to say or feel that this girl is amazing and wonderful then end the relationship anyway WITHOUT a reason.. do you see what I'm saying?
XNemesisX Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I have to wonder if you REALLY love this woman to be so hung up on her breasts? I can think back on guys I dated a short time that I could not continue dating because of a physical trait that bothered me. Examples: One guy I couldn't date because he had man boobs. Another guy I could not get past his huge nose and chin. BUT with my ex..who I loved SO much...I could completely look past his minor speech impediment (I actually found it adorable over time), his lazy eye (didn't even notice it, although others did!), and his small *cough* manhood. None of that bothered me because I loved him SO much. If he had been in a car wreck and became paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life I would have still stuck by him. If he had been in a terrible car accident and permanently disfigured his face I would STILL love him and be with him. I know I would... But the others? Just ditched 'em. I would be wondering more about if you *really* loved her.... Also, does she seem to be aware of her problem? Why not suggest a breast lift? If you have been together that long you should feel comfortable enough to make a suggestion like this. I know I appreciate it if someone is honest with me over these matters. I'm not the kind of girl to get mad at suggestions a man might have about my appearance and how I can improve it. Or do you think she would not be welcome to a suggestion such as this?
XNemesisX Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I think you are absolutely correct! I now recall his former posts on the dogs. He is obviously out of love with her and knows deep down he wants to end the relationship. It appears everything about her is grating on his nerves right now...
Ms_Sweetness Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I agree that if you truly love somone you overlook little things like that. I for example. was in love with my ex who wasn't "well endowed" and could only work what little he had every blue moon. I was able to be in a 4 yr relationship with bad sex because of love.
Cecelius Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 If you are not sufficiently attracted to her at this point, going on with her will not get better -- she is not going to become more attractive in the future. It's not shallow, you just really don't like her enough and what you have at this point is 2 years of shared history. Shared history is not enough.
tiki Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I don't like my H's fifth toe....but BFD. I'll be damned if I'm going to give him up over that?!?! I have to deal with it and it comes with the 'package' per se. Two years later and you're still having issues? Are you digging stuff up? Trying to find a reason to bail? If so, do her a favor and don't bring her down just for your sanity's sake. Do you watch porn? Have you been comparing her to other women (porn stars, real life women)? Get over it or get on. This has been two years into a relationship, it obviously wasn't a deal-breaker from the get-go, but it is now?? And good luck trying to find your next perfect gal, cuz there aint a one of us that's naturally "perfect".
alphamale Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by celtic I have to say, besides this, the relationship is excellent. I would really hate to leave this women over a physical issue that I am too shallow to be able to put out of my mind. Please help! CELTIC.... if you cannot get past this then you need to move on. Personally, I cannot stand women that have bad feet. I mean....a woman could be perfect in every way but if she does not have nice feet I just cannot deal with it. I have dumped women because of this. I also dated a woman who was about 35 yrs old and had realy bad saggy boobs. But she had 2 kids and was a type 1 diabetic (insulin shots every day) so that may have had something to do with it. But I have dated women who were 45 who still had very nice firm boobs. Whatever..... You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for yourself. Weigh everything and if you cannot get past the saggy boobs you must move on. good luck alpha
Treasa Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I don't like my H's fifth toe.... I have five toes, too. On each foot. Am I confused about something? Or are you not trying to say that he has one toe too many, but that one of his toes is bad? Wow. Stupid ear infection.
tiki Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Hey I know a guy that wants his pinky toes removed. But my foot doc says no way, they're there as part of your balance. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=62679 ^ My thread on the fifth toe.
Stone Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Yes you are being shallow and she probably is very well aware of her "saggy boob" situation. I take it from your posts that she has large breasts, large breast are great but guess what they fall hard. Jeeze men can't be happy with anything, you got a chick with real natural breasts and complain that they are saggy, go find a chick with implants.
ImaManDammit Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Simply put, if you truly cared for this person and are looking for more than just a good time, then this issue wouldn't matter. Because it does, you need to ask yourself is this really the problem or is it something else and you're looking for imperfections.
elijahBailey Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I guess the way we handle these issues will determine whether we get put in the 'grown up' or the 'shallow' categories. I don't like certain physical aspects about my girl, but that didn't stop me from marrying her. However, that's not to say I got past those 'flaws'. But, that's where I learn to 'grow the hell up'! Anyways, it appears you might be bugged about the issue enough to call it quits. If that's so, then good luck on the next girl. But it's likely you'll find something about the next one you can't get past. If it's not a physical 'flaw', then it could be a character 'flaw'. It never ends.
alphamale Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey I guess the way we handle these issues will determine whether we get put in the 'grown up' or the 'shallow' categories. Hey man...everyone has certain "must haves", OK??? If a guy cannot stand girls with small breasts then how can he have a relationship with one? It is not shallow, it is personal preference. If a woman does not like guys who are bald then how can she marry a bald dude? Lets get real here. Most things are negotiable. A few things are not.
elijahBailey Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Hey man...everyone has certain "must haves", OK??? If a guy cannot stand girls with small breasts then how can he have a relationship with one? It is not shallow, it is personal preference. If a woman does not like guys who are bald then how can she marry a bald dude? Lets get real here. Most things are negotiable. A few things are not. yup, let's get real here alpha. he's 2 years into this relationship and now he just realized the things that are non-negotiable. If he's just 2 weeks into it, I can understand. Sounds more like he wants a way out
alphamale Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey yup, let's get real here alpha. he's 2 years into this relationship and now he just realized the things that are non-negotiable. so what? maybe he thought he could deal with it and now he thinks he cannot.
moimeme Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 If a guy cannot stand girls with small breasts then how can he have a relationship with one? Then presumably he doesn't spend two years in a relationship with one. It is not shallow, it is personal preference. If a woman does not like guys who are bald then how can she marry a bald dude? Here's what happens: she meets a bald dude who's the best guy she's ever met. She falls for him because he's a wonderful guy. And she finds other things about him that are so sexy that the baldness doesn't matter. Happened to a friend of mine exactly that way. You love the person. And love makes that person hot. I'm sorry for you if you've never had that sort of love because to me that's the source of *real* passion. It's very different from just being hot for someone.
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey yup, let's get real here alpha. he's 2 years into this relationship and now he just realized the things that are non-negotiable. If he's just 2 weeks into it, I can understand. Sounds more like he wants a way out I agree. After 2 years her sagging boobs are not the main issue. I mean, does she wear a bra? I bet she does. Most women don't wear bras to bed either. I have to ask, is this ALWAYS in the back of your mind when you're around her? It is shallow, but you're being honest about it. Just NEVER tell her how much it bugs you. I think if you did she'd first smack you and then boot you out on your a$$!! Unless it is an issue for her? Has she ever said anything to you about it? I hoep that you don't have a "physical" yuk reaction to her boobs. She'll notice that too, if you do. You must decide to either get past this issue or break up with her. As she ages too, her boobs will sag even more. Just remember some karma though in a situation like this. How about going to see a therapist about this? DO some hypnosis or something. Here's something to think about. What if your balls were too small for her liking? DO you think she'd allow that to make or break the relationship after 2 years?? Would she ask you to get an operation to have bigger balls? How would you feel if she told you that they were just too small and it was bugging her. Really think about your answer.
Author celtic Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 No, I agree and this is all excellent advise. I think it is all in my head. I cant tell you why it bothers me now after 2 years. It has always bothered me a little but not enough to really care. She has admitted to me in conversations without me even bringing it up that she didnt like her chest. I totally agree I shouldnt let something like this bother me so much. And someone else made the comment that you will always find imperfection with anyone and this is true. I think I agree that TV does warp your reality since you expect to a degree everyone to look as good. I am no Tom Cruise myself and I understand this. But I do make an effort to keep myself in shape by working out regularly, etc because I think even though your are in a relationship, it doesnt give you the excuse to let yourself go. Maybe the reason that this physical issue bothers me now vs two years ago is the fact that there is something else bothering me about the relationship. I dont know yet though. She's pretty low maintenance so I dont have alot of complaints.
Stone Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Well if she is uncomfortable with her chest then maby later " on her own" she will make a decision to get them fixed. I have to get my boobs fixed at 24 because they are huge and they sagg, and it sucks but if my b/f ever told me it grossed him out I would punch him, face it one day your balls will get saggy, your hair will thin out, you will get wrinkles and maby a gut. It happens to all of us
orta Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by celtic Has anyone here been in a relationship where they have been unable to look past a physical trait such as this in a relationship? If so, can you give me some advise either how to look past this issue or move on with my life. My girlfriend has a recessed chin, and a slight overbite. Aside from this, she is perfect to me in every way. These things bother me only when I fixate on them, and I have not fixated on them for quite some time. It is foolish of me to hold these things against her, things over which she has no control. None of us are perfect. I'm certain my girlfriend has a few issues with my body as well, but she knows they are not that important. I asked myself if the recessed chin was a reason to end a wonderful relationship, the most healthy relationship I have yet had. I thought it over, and realized that ending things would be stupid. The only time this has ever bothered me is if another person has brought it up in conversation, and I think that this is natural. I don't know how I was able to stop fussing about her appearance, but I did. Unfortunately, I can't give you any pointers. It may be that either you love this woman a great deal, and value your relationship with her, or you don't because of her breasts.
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