Smokey_86 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Hi guys! New here, but I have been reading on here a lot! Like A LOT! I'm on my day 4 of NC from my ex. We broke up a little over two months ago. It was a mutual decision, based on fighting and him withdrawing emotionally -and sexually. 10 days after the break-up, he told me he quit his job, would move to a new city and wanted me to come. Because we hadn't solved any of our problems, I said we both needed time to think and figure out what we wanted. He kissed me, but I turned him down. since then, we met up a couple of times ( he needed to pack his stuff from my flat etc.) and we always ended up fighting. The last time we met, we had been talking about us doing something nice together, like go out or something. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he though I wanted to sleep with him.. So yeah, bad communication! We always spoke us breaking up as an opportunity to find ourselves and then get back together, maybe even in his new hometown. BUT, the very day he moved, apparently he started something with this other girl. I wasn't told by him, but by his sister. He's still with her and apparently, they're having a blast. I can't help feeling really lost and confused, and angry too; we were supposed to work on ourselves, not just jump in to something new. I still hope we can find each other again, but he chose her, not me, and he chose not to work on his issues, which makes me even sadder. I met him randomly last week, because he was in town for work, and we said hi and hugged, but he seemed totally disinterested and I just played along. I want him back, but I'm stuck with the memories.. And the NC thing i probably good, but I don't even see the point if I am just losing him to this girl. I feel so stupid. Anyone has any thoughts on where to go, what to do, and how to handle the fact that he hasn't even told me about this girl himself? Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Breaking up to find yourselves and get back together rarely, if ever, works. If you're in a committed relationship, you solve problems together. Taking a mini-breakup is just playing with fire. You broke up because you were fighting. You fought multiple times when you saw each other after the breakup. It sounds like this breakup is for the best. He has moved on. You two are broken up, so who he sees is really none of your business, and I don't see why he would tell you anyway. That's just an awkward conversation to have. Stay NC (meaning no updates on him from his sister, either) and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 It was a mutual decision, based on fighting and him withdrawing emotionally -and sexually. Him withdrawing emotionally and sexually was because he was on the way out. It may have felt mutual at the end but he was already half or in fact all way out the door. He moves on then pretty fast. Whereas you feel you still need to work on the relationship. He probably had the other girl in mind or some girl in mind whilst you two were fighting and he was withdrawing. Breaking up is never a good way to "work on a relationship", how was he going to get closer to you emotionally and sexually by moving away??? People who want to work on the relationship, need to still be in the relationship. Breaking up is about wanting to see and sleep with other people, you don't break up with people you want to hold onto and are scared of losing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokey_86 Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 I know.. I know. I just can't help fantasizing about us being together in this new town, and he did ask me to go. Did that really mean nothing then? And the times we have texted since, he has always said "come visit soon!" .. is that just a way to be nice? Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I know.. I know. I just can't help fantasizing about us being together in this new town, and he did ask me to go. Did that really mean nothing then? And the times we have texted since, he has always said "come visit soon!" .. is that just a way to be nice? He wouldn't be the first guy who wants to have his cake and eat it, too. You've been downgraded from his girlfriend to an option. It's best to remove yourself from the equation entirely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts