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Are these Red Flags? Guy I haven't even been dating for a month is already complainin

Lolita_Sky

By Lolita_Sky
in Dating

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Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
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It's not because in YOUR book laying in bed doesn't mean sex that it's also what it means to men. You need to stop applying your own logic to others. Men don't think like women. Men don't read signals the way we do. If you ask this guy he will tell you he put his hands between your legs because he felt being in his bed meant it was ok for him to make a move. Yes even if you had said previously you didn't.

 

That being said I just wanted you to open your mind and see what you could have done differently but I see you're not that type of person who's open to self awareness and improvement.

 

I agree with you, Gaeta. If an attractive woman that I'm dating lays in bed with me, I'm making a move towards having sex. For sure.

 

I don't think the problem is that he made a move though.

 

The problem is that when his move was rejected, he started acting like a big baby. That is always the wrong way to handle a rejection.

 

He screwed himself over with his lack of self-discipline.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted

 

 

He was 27 and I was 23.

 

 

Does that help?

 

Yes that helped, thank you

TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
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I agree with you, Gaeta. If an attractive woman that I'm dating lays in bed with me, I'm making a move towards having sex. For sure.

 

I don't think the problem is that he made a move though.

 

The problem is that when his move was rejected, he started acting like a big baby. That is always the wrong way to handle a rejection.

 

He screwed himself over with his lack of self-discipline.

 

IN bed, yes.

ON bed....? Think again.....

 

Hope your approach is more subtle.....

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
I agree with you, Gaeta. If an attractive woman that I'm dating lays in bed with me, I'm making a move towards having sex. For sure.

 

I don't think the problem is that he made a move though.

 

The problem is that when his move was rejected, he started acting like a big baby. That is always the wrong way to handle a rejection.

 

He screwed himself over with his lack of self-discipline.

 

Thank you. Women have to stop applying their own psychology to men.

  • Like 1
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted
IN bed, yes.

ON bed....? Think again.....

 

Hope your approach is more subtle.....

 

3 dates, and I get her back to my place on my bed?

 

No, Tara. I'd never even dream of having sex! LOL

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted
IN bed, yes.

ON bed....? Think again.....

 

Hope your approach is more subtle.....

 

You think a man makes a difference between being under the blanket or on top of blanket? They don't. It's a bed. Bed is the place people have sex. I can assure you your guy didn't touch you but he probably suffered from blue balls these 4 months.

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Lolita_Sky Established Member

Lolita_Sky

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Do you need to be this abrasive? If you want to keep on laying in bed with men then go ahead. I was only trying to make you see that in everything that is happening to us we have a part of responsibility. Even if it's just a tiny one. You come on here complaining this man did not text you, did not call you, did not drive to you...but you lay in bed with him on 3rd date!. I don't see your logic. If a man showed 0 interest in maintaining contact with me I would not have accepted a date to his place on our 3rd date.

 

Where did I ever say he never initiated contact? I stated that I seem to be the one investing more effort. I CLEARLY stated in my OP that he does not put in as much effort as I do and yet he is complaining like I don't do enough.

 

How can a person complain about another's efforts when they are barely investing in anything them self.

TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
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You think a man makes a difference between being under the blanket or on top of blanket? They don't. It's a bed. Bed is the place people have sex. I can assure you your guy didn't touch you but he probably suffered from blue balls these 4 months.

 

Let me just say that the kind of guys you have apparently had experience with are very different to the kinds of guys with whom I have had experience.

 

Obviously.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted
Where did I ever say he never initiated contact? I stated that I seem to be the one investing more effort. I CLEARLY stated in my OP that he does not put in as much effort as I do and yet he is complaining like I don't do enough.

 

How can a person complain about another's efforts when they are barely investing in anything them self.

 

You said many times in your OP that he NEVER called you. You also said he admitted to deleting your number.

 

My question remains the same: If a man has NEVER called you and also admitted to deleting your number why do you reward him by driving 45 mins to his place on a 3rd date?

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Lolita_Sky Established Member

Lolita_Sky

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So why are you even thinking about this? NEXT him and move on.

 

Yeah. That's how I feel. I texted him explaining how I felt and he said that is not something to be discussed over text. That he would not acknowledge something like that over text that it is something that should be discussed. He expressed that he does not respect people that do things like this over text. He stated that if that is how I felt then so be it.

 

So I replied: "Then if you want to talk about it over the phone I'm cool with that. You just never call. You can call me at any time. I'm off today so. Its up to you. "

 

He has yet to reply.

Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

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Let me just say that the kind of guys you have apparently had experience with are very different to the kinds of guys with whom I have had experience.

 

Obviously.

 

4 months without even making out makes you two friends.

 

I think those are really daft standards to hold people to.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted
Let me just say that the kind of guys you have apparently had experience with are very different to the kinds of guys with whom I have had experience.

 

Obviously.

 

It's an age thing Tara. At 23 I would have done the same because if inexperience. You were lucky he was a gentle soul and never made a move on you. As you get older this is something you cannot keep on doing. At 50, if I end up at a man's place on our 3rd date and I lay on his bed, 150% he will get the signal I want sex.

TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
Posted
It's an age thing Tara. At 23 I would have done the same because if inexperience. You were lucky he was a gentle soul and never made a move on you. As you get older this is something you cannot keep on doing. At 50, if I end up at a man's place on our 3rd date and I lay on his bed, 150% he will get the signal I want sex.

 

Erm....Like I said.

We obviously attract different kinds of guys.....

 

My H and I met when I was 3 years shy of 50. He was just over 45.

 

The opportunities he had to "have his way with me" were legion.

Never once did he ever over-step his own self-imposed mark of control.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

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4 months without even making out makes you two friends.

 

I think those are really daft standards to hold people to.

 

Ooooh, trust me.

 

We were a whole lot more than 'friends'. Don't judge him by your standards, dearie. ;)

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Lolita_Sky Established Member

Lolita_Sky

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You said many times in your OP that he NEVER called you. You also said he admitted to deleting your number.

 

My question remains the same: If a man has NEVER called you and also admitted to deleting your number why do you reward him by driving 45 mins to his place on a 3rd date?

 

I actually found out he deleted my number on the third date.

 

After having some time to think about it. After leaving and reflecting on that date I'd be stupid to continue contacting him again.

 

All of these things are gradually unfolding. Its only been three dates. So I'm recognizing these signs already. Its not like I've been involved with this man for month .

 

I came on here to get advice on whether my impresdion of this whole situation is off or I'm in some way am being difficult but I guess I'm not.

 

How I feel is truly justifiable.

  • Like 1
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted (edited)
Erm....Like I said.

We obviously attract different kinds of guys.....

 

My H and I met when I was 3 years shy of 50. He was just over 45.

 

The opportunities he had to "have his way with me" were legion.

Never once did he ever over-step his own self-imposed mark of control.

 

What does that mean? :confused:

 

Ooooh, trust me.

 

We were a whole lot more than 'friends'. Don't judge him by your standards, dearie. ;)

 

You didn't even make out with each other for nearly half a year.

 

My standards is that made you friends.

 

How I feel is truly justifiable.

 

I think so.

Edited by Jabron1
  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Erm....Like I said.

We obviously attract different kinds of guys.....

 

My H and I met when I was 3 years shy of 50. He was just over 45.

 

The opportunities he had to "have his way with me" were legion.

Never once did he ever over-step his own self-imposed mark of control.

 

I agree we date different men. I would not date a man that takes 4 months to make a move :D

 

That being said if I am not ready to be intimate with a man I don't lay on his bed. I think it's a bad message to send young women that they can lay on any man's bed and not fear he'll ever make a move. It's sending mixed signals. Some men will respect you, some men will try their luck like Op's guy, and some men will rape you. OP did not know this man, she had seen him 2 TIMES. He's a pure stranger to her! and she accepts to drive 45 mins to his home and lay on his bed? She doesn't know him from Adam how does she know he will respect her wish?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
3 dates, and I get her back to my place on my bed?

 

No, Tara. I'd never even dream of having sex! LOL

 

LOL, you and most men dream about sex wherever you are, who are you kidding?

 

If you were on the couch, you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

Sitting at a table you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

In the car, everywhere!

 

Lying *on* a bed does not = sex.

 

Unless she wants to! Unless she says YES, period.

 

For example, lying on the bed watching a movie? No does not mean sex.

 

The bed is a comfy place to watch a movie, maybe cuddle.

 

It does not, nor should it mean a prelude to sex..

 

Gaeta says we need to learn how men think.

 

How about men learning how WE think?

  • Like 3
Mikau Established Member

Mikau

Posted
Posted
LOL, you and most men dream about sex wherever you are, who are you kidding?

 

If you were on the couch, you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

Sitting at a table you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

In the car, everywhere!

 

Lying *on* a bed does not = sex.

 

Unless she wants to! Unless she says YES, period.

 

For example, lying on the bed watching a movie? No does not mean sex.

 

The bed is a comfy place to watch a movie, maybe cuddle.

 

It does not, nor should it mean a prelude to sex..

 

Gaeta says we need to learn how men think.

 

How about men learning how WE think?

 

You make it sound like anybody is saying being on or in a bed means you're supposed to have sex. It isn't and nobody is claiming otherwise.

 

Gaeta and Jabron are claiming you can't blame a guy for thinking he has the green light to make a move if you get on his bed. If that's not what you want, then it might be a bed idea to cuddle on the bed with him. Both for your own safety (he's a stranger for God's sake), and not to give mixed signals. You are reading entitlement in comments when there is none.

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden2 Established Member

TaraMaiden2

Posted
Posted
What does that mean? :confused:

It means he was a gentleman enough to make no overtures without a CLEAR indication that this is what I also wanted, as much as he did.

You didn't even make out with each other for nearly half a year.

 

My standards is that made you friends.

 

[/i]

I didn't say we weren't friends. But I'm telling you, we were MORE than friends.

Do you not understand the concept of having sex with someone, AND liking them as a friend, too...? Isn't that what a Boy/girlFRIEND is...?

Or is that concept alien...

 

 

I agree we date different men. I would not date a man that takes 4 months to make a move :D
I never said HE took 4 months. I satated quite clearly WE agreed... so the decision was mutual. I'm sorry if that's also an alien concept for you... Gaeta meet Jabron, Jabron, meet Gaeta.... :p

 

 

LOL, you and most men dream about sex wherever you are, who are you kidding?

 

.....Gaeta says we need to learn how men think.

 

How about men learning how WE think?

 

QFT.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
You make it sound like anybody is saying being on or in a bed means you're supposed to have sex. It isn't and nobody is claiming otherwise.

 

Gaeta and Jabron are claiming you can't blame a guy for thinking he has the green light to make a move if you get on his bed. If that's not what you want, then it might be a bed idea to cuddle on the bed with him. Both for your own safety (he's a stranger for God's sake), and not to give mixed signals. You are reading entitlement in comments when there is none.

 

First paragraph, that is precisely what Jabron and Gaeta are saying.

 

Not *in* the bed, but *on* the bed, read their posts again!

 

That is the expectation.

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Lolita_Sky Established Member

Lolita_Sky

Posted
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Thanks everyone for your rreplies, including you, Gaetra! I feel a lot better about my decision. I'm going to chalk it up to experience and just grow from here.

 

Next time I won't be so quick to drive and see others. Lol

  • Like 1
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted
LOL, you and most men dream about sex wherever you are, who are you kidding?

 

If you were on the couch, you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

Sitting at a table you'd be dreaming about sex.

 

In the car, everywhere!

 

Lying *on* a bed does not = sex.

 

Unless she wants to! Unless she says YES, period.

 

For example, lying on the bed watching a movie? No does not mean sex.

 

The bed is a comfy place to watch a movie, maybe cuddle.

 

It does not, nor should it mean a prelude to sex..

 

Gaeta says we need to learn how men think.

 

How about men learning how WE think?

 

 

I already said that he shouldn't have thrown a strop like a baby when he got rejected.

 

But okay, how do you think then?

 

It's a second date, and getting toward the end. The guy asks you if you want to go back to his for a drink.

 

What do you think?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Lolita_Sky Established Member

Lolita_Sky

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I already said that he shouldn't have thrown a strop like a baby when he got rejected.

 

But okay, how do you think then?

 

It's a second date, and getting toward the end. The guy asks you if you want to go back to his for a drink.

 

What do you think?

 

I would think he's asking for drinks however their could be an expectation for sex. So I'd decline that if the initial intent was never to go back to his place to begin with.

 

I normally drive over to his place to meet up with him.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
First paragraph, that is precisely what Jabron and Gaeta are saying.

 

Not *in* the bed, but *on* the bed, read their posts again!

 

That is the expectation.

 

There is no difference in or on the bed. Stay away from the bed.

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