Indefinite Dread

[Deadend_10]

How do you live on when you feel, without any doubt, that you've lived the best years of your life already, with the best person you'll ever meet?

 

I'm an average guy in every sense and having lived a very average life for 24 years, along came a girl that changed everything for me. She was perfect - an actual miracle. I guess at first I was rather cynical about it, kind of thinking to myself "make the most of it whilst it lasts", but to my amazement we went from strength to strength. We rented a place together for a couple of years, then bought a place, and in September last year I proposed and she accepted. We were over the moon and had our dream venue booked within a few weeks. Save the date cards were sent out, best man, bridesmaids and ushers picked - everyone was buzzing. We'd even set out a plan for when we'd start trying for a child and at what stage we'd look to upgrade to a bigger place. In the space of 4 and a half years, I'd gone from a guy with low expectations, to a guy living out his highest expectations, living his dream life at the exactly the age he wanted.

 

Then, one morning in February this year, she turned to me and told me that she'd been having doubts about our future, the wedding and even us. A period of limbo, thinking and trying followed, but 3 weeks later (the day after my birthday incidentally), she broke up with me. My life crashed that evening. Suddenly it felt like I'd woken up from a wonderful dream. I spent literally weeks pinching myself in the hope that it really was exactly that - a dream!

 

Ever since, I've kept myself together, I've sought help (seeing someone once a week for months), I've been on light medication, I've kept myself busy and healthy, and I've spent as much time with friends and family as possible. I have literally done everything by the book when it comes to 'the guide to dealing with a relationship breakup'. Nothing however shifts this very real feeling of indefinite dread. Nothing can take away the very real feeling that an excellent life has been dangled in front of me before being snatched away. I'm now left feeling like nothing that can come in my life can possibly live up to what I've had.

 

I have lost my girlfriend, my fiancee, my best friend, my soul mate, my everything, my miracle - and now I'm left alone, amongst the burning embers of a life that was always too much to ask for, staring at the same average (frankly dull and depressing) thoughts that were once my best reality.

 

Thanks to anyone for reading. I'm posting this with a feeling of "what have I got to lose", but would really welcome any advice from people suffering from the same situation, or something similar.

[seamos]

I have always tended to put everything I had into my relationships and was always completely devastated when one ended. This held true for each relationship regardless of whether it had been generally good or bad.

 

It sounds like you had a very heavy emotional investment in your relationship and the only thing I ever found to be guaranteed to help get over this is time.

 

I know hearing that doesn't really do you any good right now but I've found it to be true.

 

Take it one day at a time and eventually you'll get to a better place.

 

Sorry you're going thru this.

[portwine]

 

I have lost my girlfriend, my fiancee, my best friend, my soul mate, my everything, my miracle - and now I'm left alone, amongst the burning embers of a life that was always too much to ask for, staring at the same average (frankly dull and depressing) thoughts that were once my best reality.

 

T

 

This statement speak volumes about your state of mind and outlook on life. It's obvious that you are suffering from some mild form of depression, and you are relying on outside sources to an extent to mitigate your dysphoria.

 

There is a very good chance that your fiance decided to end the relationship as the result of your underlying condition. Perhaps you were needy, pushy, or projected a morose vibe.......I don't know.

 

The one good thing to come out of all this is her calling the whole thing off. Yes, it sucks big time, but can you imagine if you were actually married to her and then decided to break the news to you? You would have been in a major world of hurt with all the additional legal and financial woes.

[privategal]

Healing is a slow process...often a rollercoaster. Im so sorry for your pain...its still fresh and will take more time.

Im so proud of the way you are handling it wow.

You sought help, kept your dignity...amazing.

You need more time but I hate saying that, it sounds so cliche.

For whatever reason it wasnt supposed to happen the universe didnt have it in the cards for you and her. Im glad the breakup happened before marriage.

I know the pain but your getting stronger!!

[fixing]

It seems like you are doing really REALLY great pal. Providing that you havent been contacting her since right?

 

And, try to look at it like this. Whenever you get an injury physically, whether that be a cut, or a broken bone, your body does eventually heal.

 

With the mind and emotions its far more complex of course, but the same principle applies. With time and the right caring and nurturing you will come away from this saga stronger, more mature and even better.

 

Continue the therapy imo. And deffo stay NC. Try to embrace the pain right now and accept that it will pass with time.

[darkbloom]

If she was perfect, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

No one is perfect. Life is never just about one person.

[Satu]

From my journals:

 

 

You can't fill the emptiness from outside.

 

You used your ex to temporarily patch the emptiness inside, but that can only ever be a temporary fix.

 

You should cultivate feelings of loving kindness for others, inside yourself.

 

Cultivate empathy and compassion towards others, inside yourself.

 

That is the only way you can permanently fill the emptiness.

 

 

Take care.

[LD1990]

Been there, done that. The "love of my life" broke up with me in February. I hoped she'd come back. The thought of spending my life without her felt wrong. We'd already created all these memories together.

 

Reality slowly set in and washed away that mopey nonsense. She values me so little that she leaves? Good, I'd rather be alone than with a girl who isn't completely loyal and invested in me, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. I'd never felt that way before? Yeah well, if I found her, I can find a better one. Life won't get any better? The hell it won't, I decide how great my life can be, no one else.

[fixing]

Been there, done that. The "love of my life" broke up with me in February. I hoped she'd come back. The thought of spending my life without her felt wrong. We'd already created all these memories together.

 

Reality slowly set in and washed away that mopey nonsense. She values me so little that she leaves? Good, I'd rather be alone than with a girl who isn't completely loyal and invested in me, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. I'd never felt that way before? Yeah well, if I found her, I can find a better one. Life won't get any better? The hell it won't, I decide how great my life can be, no one else.

 

Love this. Very well said man and so true.

[Satu]

My last should have read, "Yourself and others."

[Satu]

Been there, done that. The "love of my life" broke up with me in February. I hoped she'd come back. The thought of spending my life without her felt wrong. We'd already created all these memories together.

 

Reality slowly set in and washed away that mopey nonsense. She values me so little that she leaves? Good, I'd rather be alone than with a girl who isn't completely loyal and invested in me, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. I'd never felt that way before? Yeah well, if I found her, I can find a better one. Life won't get any better? The hell it won't, I decide how great my life can be, no one else.

 

So very very true.

[lana-banana]

Anyone who's willing to walk out of your life isn't the one for you. Period.