turningpoint Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Easy question all! I went on a first date a few days ago with a guy I met at a party. Yet I haven't heard from him since the date. I don't typically text a guy thanking him for a date once I get home after the first date. I always thank the guy in person for a lovely time and thank you texts start rolling in when I spend a half/full day with a guy (2nd date and onwards). I only send thank you texts when I sense the guy is shy and nervous. So after this date I didn't say thank you via text (but I did in person). I also paid for his drinks near the end of the date so he knew I was all about paying it forward. This guy does not seem to like texting. He takes a long time to reply and barely says anything. I got the vibe that this guy isn't into texting which is perfect since neither do I. Another reason I haven't texted him. I'm just confused he hasn't contacted me yet because during the first date he made it clear he wanted a second one. He even said he was thinking of all the things we could do on the second date since he wanted us to have a great time. He mentioned several times during the date that he believes sometimes there's instant chemistry or it takes awhile to build so he always goes on several dates with women to ensure there's chemistry. Again, this matches my view on dating so I agreed with him right away. Yet it's been over 3 days and I haven't heard from him at all. Not sure if I should text him and if so, what to say? Other guys I have went on dates with clearly like to text so its a bit easier, but he really gave off the vibe that he doesn't like texting. Otherwise I'm happy to wait to hear back from him. Should I text and if so what should I say? Thanks!
Acerboy Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 All you needed to do was to send a text after the date and say Thank you for a great time. You didn't. Now wait for him to contact you. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Over three days? How far over? You do know its perfectly OK to ring after a first date and invite them out don't you? Its when you keep going on that it becomes a problem. I do have a sneaky suspicion though... I think you are one of many and that you are down on his list of priorities... 4
Author turningpoint Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 Over three days? How far over? You do know its perfectly OK to ring after a first date and invite them out don't you? Its when you keep going on that it becomes a problem. I do have a sneaky suspicion though... I think you are one of many and that you are down on his list of priorities... Well it will be 4 days exactly in a few more hours or so. Yes, I realize I could invite him out but during the date he seemed pretty excited about planning it himself. He asked me several times what I wanted to do and said he's looking forward to planning it. I took his words as what he meant. Realistically, I just got the flu yesterday and my Sunday and Saturday afternoon next weekend are already booked out. Assuming I don't get better, a date probably won't happen this week so doesn't make sense for me to ask him out since I just got the flu and am not sure when I'll get better. If he scheduled a date today I'd say, "I'm sick with the flu and if I'm better by X date I'll go on a date with you." But it doesn't make sense coming from me as I'm not sure when I'll feel better. Yes, I have that suspicion as well which is fine. People can date multiple people, I just find it odd he said all that stuff about a second date and then hasn't said a thing.
hippychick3 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I would sit on my hands and not text him. If he's interested, he will contact you. If he doesn't, he's not interested enough. I believe your thank you in person and you paying for drinks should suffice for thank you's. I don't think in that situation it was necessary for you to send a "thank you text." That's typically not a make or break thing with an interested guy. 3
planb1973 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I would be willing to bet that he is waiting for you to text him. So now you are both sitting there waiting for the other to make a move... MAKE A MOVE!! On almost every first date there is the typical "I had fun lets go out again" from me and my date. Some times its legit other times its not. The "Thanks for the lovely date" text later that night or at most the next morning is when you are showing genuine interest. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Well it will be 4 days exactly in a few more hours or so. Yes, I realize I could invite him out but during the date he seemed pretty excited about planning it himself. He asked me several times what I wanted to do and said he's looking forward to planning it. I took his words as what he meant. Realistically, I just got the flu yesterday and my Sunday and Saturday afternoon next weekend are already booked out. Assuming I don't get better, a date probably won't happen this week so doesn't make sense for me to ask him out since I just got the flu and am not sure when I'll get better. If he scheduled a date today I'd say, "I'm sick with the flu and if I'm better by X date I'll go on a date with you." But it doesn't make sense coming from me as I'm not sure when I'll feel better. Yes, I have that suspicion as well which is fine. People can date multiple people, I just find it odd he said all that stuff about a second date and then hasn't said a thing. You don't seem all that excited about this guy so I would just leave it. Go find someone you are excited about and who is excited about you too. 2
PegNosePete Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 That's typically not a make or break thing with an interested guy. ^^ Exactly. If he was interested he would have made a move. Pretty unlikely he's thinking "oh I really like her but she didn't send a thank you text so I won't bother". 4
Mrin Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 ^^ Exactly. If he was interested he would have made a move. Pretty unlikely he's thinking "oh I really like her but she didn't send a thank you text so I won't bother". Very true, but a thank you text can't hurt. Plus it is just polite. Especially if the dude has multiple options. I know when I was multi-dating, a seemingly lukewarm woman would get shuffled to the bottom of the list. 2
Satu Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 You're probably both wondering why the other didn't contact you. What nonsense. 2
losangelena Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 You don't have to necessarily ask him out, but there's nothing wrong with signaling your intent. Texting him and saying something like, "had a great time the other day, would love to do it again sometime!" is enough of a nudge. If you still get radio silence from his end, then forget about him. Don't over think this. 3
Author turningpoint Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 Thank you! I'm going to assume he's not interested. I always show my thankfulness during the date and I did pay for his drink and not sending a text has never been an issue before. Btw I give a very nice vibe to guys and people in general. Even this guy said I seem like I have a good soul and am obviously very sweet. As a result when I have said thank you texts in the past it makes me come off as super sweet and a bit needy to guys which I'd like to avoid. He did mention he was looking forward to planning a second date so I'll assume he's not interested since he would have reached out to lock in a day.
Dis Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 You could send him a text...you could not He could send you a text...he might not ***At the end of the day if both people are interested and the stars line up... there will be a second date*** Maybe this just isnt meant to be...or maybe hes not interested....or maybe you shouldve texted him a few days ago. Dont sit and stew about this....just move onto the next. With the right guy things will most likely just flow. Go find that guy 1
Author turningpoint Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 Thanks for your kind advice. He did end up texting me today. He asked me if I enjoyed the date so I made sure to sound enthusiastic and positive about the date and the second date that he's planning for later in the week. He did take almost 5 days to text me so I'm assuming he's probably lukewarm and dating multiple people.
hippychick3 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Thanks for your kind advice. He did end up texting me today. He asked me if I enjoyed the date so I made sure to sound enthusiastic and positive about the date and the second date that he's planning for later in the week. He did take almost 5 days to text me so I'm assuming he's probably lukewarm and dating multiple people. Glad he contacted you. Just make sure YOU'RE dating multiple people too 1
SilverAccount Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I'm getting a vibe your not too interested in this guy, i would just see what happens, carry on dating other people, if something happens, then it happens. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Thanks for your kind advice. He did end up texting me today. He asked me if I enjoyed the date so I made sure to sound enthusiastic and positive about the date and the second date that he's planning for later in the week. He did take almost 5 days to text me so I'm assuming he's probably lukewarm and dating multiple people. And do you want someone whose lukewarm? Personally, I don't bother with men who aren't really into me. From tbe first date. I just feel that I'm attractive and interesting enough of a date, to be able to hold out for a guy who finds me intriguing and attractive enough to get excited about. You really shouldn't be bothering with men who are lukewarm.
Author turningpoint Posted June 4, 2016 Author Posted June 4, 2016 Thought I'd ask another question on this thread. So we went out again a couple of nights ago. I actually had a really good time and am starting to like him. He's a really direct person so we talked a bit about texting and he said he doesn't like to text often unless its to make plans (which is my texting style too). I also get the vibe that he thought I was uninterested in him, and thinks I'm dating multiple people, and was playing it safe. He's a pretty confident guy but he seemed pretty nervous about touching me and the kiss was left to the very end. We both texted each other right after the date ended too. He does want to go out again but our schedules are a bit wacky the next couple of weeks so we didn't pick a specific date. Anyway I'm clearly bad at this whole initiating thing.. his birthday is in a week. I am away during his birthday weekend so I can't really offer to celebrate. I'm just wondering if you think its a good idea to offer to take him out for his birthday on a 3rd date during the weekday and I could pay for dinner. Like I could initiate the next date and say its a birthday celebration? I also decorate elaborate cakes as a side-job so I was thinking of making him a cupcake but am not sure if that's overboard for a 3rd date? For the record, I'm making cupcakes for an event right before and after his birthday so I'll be making cupcakes anyway.
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Don't be too excited about the text return, because he is going to fad away. And he is going to fad away quickly. You paid for his drinks? He's not that courteous to you if he won't pay for a woman's drink / meal. If he has not contacted you within 24-48 hours after the first get together he will be a friend not a lover. Go out with others and find someone who deserves you rather than this loss.
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 ^^ Exactly. If he was interested he would have made a move. Pretty unlikely he's thinking "oh I really like her but she didn't send a thank you text so I won't bother". Agree. OP there is another thread running right now entitled "Do Not Chase Men," you may find interesting.
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Very true, but a thank you text can't hurt. Four days later? No it looks really desperate at this point.... don't do it. The time to have done it, was the following day.... but heck, when a guy is interested, he probably would have beaten you to the punch anyway.
Stage5Clinger Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 As someone who hates texting I love texting with someone who makes me very happy. You might want to just cut this one loose rather than forcing something that isn't there.
frus69 Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 (edited) Ok so when I first met my bf he really hated texting (still does), but I didn't wanna assume the worst so I decided to text him first for three times and only three times. Won't be more. And only texting, never initiate meeting. Need to let him set up the first three dates and each date can't take more than a week. I suppose it's my way of giving him benefit of the doubt and also testing his interest level. So OP maybe you can try this too. Text him, keep it short and fun, and see if he asks you out again. He needs to ask within a week otherwise, date others Edited June 4, 2016 by frus69
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