Dating Her for 3 Years and pop goes the weasel :(

[jhayzt]

Hi there folks!

 

So I'm just new here and please bear with my language as english is only my 2nd language.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years now and recently we have bumped into a fight. She hasn't talked to me for almost 3 weeks now. I gave her all the space she needs and yet I'm still being ignored. There's a reason to back this up so here goes,

 

I haven't met her parents yet and I understand her for that. Inside me, I keep asking myself, am I not worth for her? As time goes by, I kept asking her the same question every anniversary we have and she tells me to wait. Deep inside me, there's are confusion, jealousy and insecurities molding inside me piece by piece. She has a friend that I'm jealous with. He's actually a gay.

 

Yeah I nothing to worry about right? But the time she gives weren't the same as before. She talks to her gay friend frequently which she treats him like a brother and that gave me doubts. So, both of us knows each others FB and I didn't had a chance to stop myself from opening her FB. It was a busy day at work, and we were exchanging PM's. She takes long to reply me. like 5-10mins. I told her what she was doing, she told me she was helping her mom. Then, I had to do the thing the really screwed up our relationship.

 

I peeked at her fb messages and, yup, she was talking to her gay friend alright. So that night I couldn't stop myself from telling her the truth. When I told her, she got mad at me for invading her privacy. I told her I did not, DID NOT, read any of their messages. And then, boom. 3 weeks has passed, I tried to apologize through text, trying to call her. No response. She respond to my text last week, telling and asking her that if we could meet and discuss the issue and if she could give me a chance to make it up to her. She told me lets meet then.

 

I tried to remind her last night, haven't got her answer though. I feel really ashamed of what I've done really.. like 3 years.. and all of that might go poof.. I really want to make it up to her but I have no options of how to see her.. like I told everyone, I haven't met her parents yet. I have been doing asking myself on what led to my disrespectful attitude..

 

Yeah.. I haven't met her parents.. and maybe that was the cause of my attitude. We rarely meet tbh since our college days have ended. Tuesdays and Thursdays were only our options since that's her dad's day off. And sometimes my offset gets wasted because her father didn't let her go out.. I'm planning to do something stupid, risky tomorrow. I plan to go to her house and apologize through her personally. Yes this will possibly open a chance for me to meet her parents(in a first, bad, impression though) but I'm willing to suck up my guts and be a man, apologize to her and her to parents. I'm willing to give all my sincerity to them.

 

I'm really committed to my girlfriend as I have this 'She's The One' feeling ever since I met her. Its not the right way to do, but its my only choice IF, if she doesn't text me tonight or tomorrow morning.

 

I Love Her So Much... really.. She has been the best 3 years of my life. I'm willing to face the challenges and fight to win her.

Edited May 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Poutrew]

Ummm... are you sure he is gay? Is it only her telling you this? Sounds to me like he is her real boyfriend, and you are the FWB she has on the side. Not letting you visit her parents backs this up - her momma will say "But daughter, isn't {gay friend} your boyfriend? Who is this? " You busted her red handed with the Facebook account - I would tell you to read those messages, and you will know the truth. And the truth will set you free, free to find a woman who isn't a liar and a player. Good luck.

[jhayzt]

Ummm... are you sure he is gay? Is it only her telling you this? Sounds to me like he is her real boyfriend, and you are the FWB she has on the side. Not letting you visit her parents backs this up - her momma will say "But daughter, isn't {gay friend} your boyfriend? Who is this? " You busted her red handed with the Facebook account - I would tell you to read those messages, and you will know the truth. And the truth will set you free, free to find a woman who isn't a liar and a player. Good luck.

 

Hey there. Thanks for replying. Tbh, I have bond with her gay friend when she invites me to jam with her friends, and yes, I'm positively 100% that he is a gay. I'll be going to her house tomorrow and face her. Is it a right choice to give her a visit even though the parents doesn't know me yet? I can understand that she will be under pressure, but really, what choices do I have more? I'm willing to face her parents really.

[Buddhist]

I'm planning to do something stupid, risky tomorrow. I plan to go to her house and apologize through her personally. Yes this will possibly open a chance for me to meet her parents(in a first, bad, impression though) but I'm willing to suck up my guts and be a man, apologize to her and her to parents. I'm willing to give all my sincerity to them. I'm really committed to my girlfriend as I have this 'She's The One' feeling ever since I met her. Its not the right way to do, but its my only choice IF, if she doesn't text me tonight or tomorrow morning. I Love Her So Much... really.. She has been the best 3 years of my life. I'm willing to face the challenges and fight to win her.

 

That is an extremely bad idea. If you think checking her FB status caused a problem showing up on her parents doorstep unannounced will definitely put nails in this coffin. If any guy did that to me I would throw him out and break up with him on the spot.

 

All you are doing is bringing drama to her door. Drama that clearly she does not want with you. This is not being a man. This is being a little boy causing a scene in front of other people to put pressure on her. It's called manipulation. You don't love her, you are just doing this in order to get what you want. The more people involved the better right? After all she can't possibly break up with you with her parents right there watching this ridiculous drama.

 

Your feeling that she is 'the one' means absolutely nothing if she does not feel the same way about you. I suggest you save yourself some embarrassment here and do not do this. It will put you in an extremely bad light.

[Poutrew]

Hey there. Thanks for replying. Tbh, I have bond with her gay friend when she invites me to jam with her friends, and yes, I'm positively 100% that he is a gay. I'll be going to her house tomorrow and face her. Is it a right choice to give her a visit even though the parents doesn't know me yet? I can understand that she will be under pressure, but really, what choices do I have more? I'm willing to face her parents really.

 

Well, it depends what country you're in. Is there a chance for things to turn violent? Really, at this point I would read those facebook posts. They'll tell you what you want to know. Then preserve your dignity by going no contact on her. The only thing you can surmise at this point is that there is a reason why she does not want you to meet her parents - just don't turn up dead, know what I mean?

[jhayzt]

That is an extremely bad idea. If you think checking her FB status caused a problem showing up on her parents doorstep unannounced will definitely put nails in this coffin. If any guy did that to me I would throw him out and break up with him on the spot.

 

All you are doing is bringing drama to her door. Drama that clearly she does not want with you. This is not being a man. This is being a little boy causing a scene in front of other people to put pressure on her. It's called manipulation. You don't love her, you are just doing this in order to get what you want. The more people involved the better right? After all she can't possibly break up with you with her parents right there watching this ridiculous drama.

 

Your feeling that she is 'the one' means absolutely nothing if she does not feel the same way about you. I suggest you save yourself some embarrassment here and do not do this. It will put you in an extremely bad light.

 

I don't really have an option anymore. If she decides to see me tomorrow, then its all thumbs up for me. I have the time to apologize to her. If not, what's next..?

[CarrieT]

How old are both of you?

[jhayzt]

How old are both of you?

 

I'm 25 and she's 24 Sir.

[Buddhist]

I don't really have an option anymore. If she decides to see me tomorrow, then its all thumbs up for me. I have the time to apologize to her. If not, what's next..?

 

What's next is growing up and realising when something is a dead issue. What's next is getting on with your life not embarrassing yourself in front of a bunch of strangers. All of that is an act of desperation. You do have a choice, you have the choice to walk away and live a better life. Don't even try and justify this as someone forcing your hand. It isn't that at all. You're justifying causing a scene because you don't want to accept it could be over.

[Mjm1014]

First off you've been dating for 3 years and she won't let you meet her parents?! Dude come on, ditch the girl...beyond wtf thoughts going through my head!

 

Second, I've dated numerous girls over the years and there always seems to be the "gay" best friend yet I knew it was always more than that. We break up and BOOM they are going out. Don't fool yourself. Man this sounds really messed up. Feel bad for you man. Get out fast....

[CarrieT]

I'm 25 and she's 24 Sir.

I'm a woman.

 

Regardless, those of us that have been around here for a while and around life for a while understand that EVERYTHING changes in one's life between their 28th and 31st year. Heck, the New Agers call it the "Saturn Return" (feel free to google in). It has been studied and written about here - and we call it Half-Baked Brain Syndrome.

 

Scientifically, the frontal lobes of one's brain are not fully connected until the very late 20s. The nerve cells that connect the frontal lobes with the rest of the brain are sluggish. Until the late 20s, one doesnt' have as much of the fatty coating called myelin, or "white matter," that adults have in this area. It is these factors that enable good decision-making and is why your idea of already believing she is "the one" is ill-advised. Both you are going to change drastically in the next five years and will probably want to date - and marry - other people.

 

In the 1950s, it was known as the Seven Year Itch because people would marry in their early 20s and when they hit their 30s, everything they THOUGHT they wanted changed. It is why so many of us heartily recommend not getting married until the early 30s.

 

The writing is on the wall and you should probably walk away now while you can.

[Terry8889]

It is usually the woman who is more excited about introducing her bf to her parents. The fact that she didn't introduce you to hers for 3 long years is a huge red flag. To me it seems like she never took your relationship that serious. When you are crazy in love with someone you want the whole to know who this person is, you never met the parents and that says a lot about how she really feels about the relationship.

Sounds like you're more into her than she is into you. I'd say forget about her and don't even think about going to her house because that only will make things worst. The best you can do is stop all contact with her, if she really loved you she will come back to you on her own.

[bathtub-row]

I think you had big problems with her long before the fb incident. I think she just used that as an excuse to end the relationship. I'm usually all for a guy chasing after someone they love but in this case, I would leave her alone. There are problems here that she wasn't telling you about.

[ExpatInItaly]

Do not show up at her house. This is a terrible idea. It will not end well for you.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, but there were some big problems in this relationship before this argument. Never meeting her parents is one of them.

 

The bottom line is that she has effectively ended the relationship. I have a feeling there are other reasons and she used this FB incident as her way out. But you need to respect her boundary and stay away. She doesn't feel the same way about you; sadly, she's not "The One."

 

You need to let her go. The right woman will be happy to integrate you into her life.

[elaine567]

I agree with the others she is done here.

The last straw broke the camel's back.

 

DO NOT show up at her parent's house.

She is gone, you just have to face it.

Had you read the messages she was sending her gay friend, you may have some idea as to why she is really finished with you, I guess they have spent long hours discussing your relationship.

[jhayzt]

A little update here:

 

Last Tuesday, I forced myself to go to her place(Sorry guys..sorry) since I just want to surprise her. I stayed in a canteen at their place. I brought some roll cakes and a flower. annnnnnnd everything went worse than I could imagine. We were about to see each other that day and talk about our situation. I wanted to pick her up early.. she told me to go back to my town and wait for her instead. she said, "I'LL BE THE ONE GOING TO YOUR PLACE!! GO BACK!". So, me sad panda is sad, I went back and told her that I'll be waiting for her at McDonalds. 11am-4pm, she did not show up. She texted me and told me that her father did not allow her to go out. Devastated, I never bothered to reply to her text. I went home straight and let it all out. I'm now giving her own medicine which is her silent treatment over me. I'm quite surprised too that she bothered to read my messages now in FB Messenger. She keeps opening her FB Messenger now as suppose to before. Maybe she's realizing somethings now or maybe not. I'm not putting my expectations or hopes high since, I've told myself even though its hard to accept. Enough is enough. My emotions are all over the place and its time that I fix myself. My work was affected really bad. Enough.

[Poutrew]

Dude, do you realize that she is treating you worse than a dog? When I see a stray I shout "GO HOME!", the same way she did to you. Dump this bit*h. Go No Contact on her ass. Try at least to preserve what little dignity you have left... you do realize why everyone was giving you the advice you've been getting, right? It's because many of us have made the same mistakes you are making, and know how bad it will turn out...good luck.

[CarrieT]

She keeps opening her FB Messenger now as suppose to before.

If you block her entirely, you won't see what she is doing and won't be able to acknowledge any of her antics.

 

Time to move on, dude...

 

No Contact - 100%! - is the only way for you now.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's time to let go of her. She doesn't want you around - she made that 100% clear and you made it much worse for yourself by ignoring our advice not to show up uninvited at her house.

 

Go No Contact.

[Emilia]

Judging her for taking 5-10 minutes to reply to your messages on facebook because she was talking to her gay friend, accessing her fb messages to check what she was doing. Extremely controlling. I'm surprised she dated you for 3 years.

[jhayzt]

Thanks everyone.. Even my office friends are trying to get into my head telling me to stop. Can I ask? What if one day, NC works and then she says she's sorry for the rude things she has done, what should I do? I'm actually her first boyfriend and you know what they say, first will always make an impact to our lives. xD I've pulled myself together now. Heck, I don't even feel emotional anymore. I mean, I can now control my feelings.

[ExpatInItaly]

You say "thank you" and move on. Apologizing isn't the same as "I made some big mistakes and I want you back." Also, I think you would need to be extremely wary of her, as she kept you at a distance throughout the relationship and it's unlikely she would suddenly have a sincere desire to change that dynamic with you. There is a reason she kept you away from her family and freaked out when you told her you were on your way there anyway. Think about that.

 

Also, No Contact doesn't "work" like that. It's not meant to get someone back. It's a tool to help you move on. You owe it to yourself to find a woman who actually wants to integrate you into her life - this one didn't.

[preraph]

I would be very angry if after all that, you showed up at my door, especially since I live with my parents. Yes what a great introduction! They will know you are a lunatic. You're jealous over a gay guy and think she has to answer for all of her time. You don't own her, and she's letting you know that in no uncertain terms now.

[jhayzt]

I would be very angry if after all that, you showed up at my door, especially since I live with my parents. Yes what a great introduction! They will know you are a lunatic. You're jealous over a gay guy and think she has to answer for all of her time. You don't own her, and she's letting you know that in no uncertain terms now.

 

Yes I know.. I've become too selfish to the point I had to do such things. I just hope she gives me another chance. I know she'll learn forgiveness too and not let her pride get all over her. I'm still hoping but yeah, I have to embrace the reality and move forward.