darhma Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 My ex has attempted to stir the pot on several occasions in spit of the fact that he is about to marry a MOB....telling my aunt about his impending dream marraige, emailing me and telling me he still thinks of me and wishes me the best and others. It is human nature to savore in the fact that someone is still desiring and wanting you even if they do not want you. Lets face it it just makes you feel good that anyone likes you. Many times when our exs contact us they are simply contacting us to stir the pot and boost their ego. Sick but true. Unless someone is trully wanting you back and you trully think they are worth forgiving why would you want to feed their ego. In many cases we have given them way more than they ever deserved in the first place. I think we misinterpret any contact as care and concern and possibly hope. The reality...the only person they care about is themselves...they simply want to feed their ego. At this point I would be reluctant to feed my ex food if he came to my door starving. They know they dont deserve you to respond...do you really want to look pathetic on top of everything else we have experienced. Just a thought I wanted to share...many times contact is not hope...it is just further validation about what jerks they really are. I would be interested in knowing how other people feel about this philosophy?
Treasa Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by darhma It is human nature to savore in the fact that someone is still desiring and wanting you even if they do not want you. I must have one hell of an ear infection, because that seems contradictory to me.
Author darhma Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 TYPO..."It is human nature to savore in the fact that someone wants you even if you no longer want them."
loveisallaround Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 My ex me made me learn the hard way. I did NC for a month (to heal and distance myself) and after, felt better. The "It's Over" thought finally sank into me. I knew I could atleast talk to him. I don't want him back. I added him back to Messenger, talked to him on the phone... yada yada yada... now he doesn't return my calls (when he requested to go out) and deleted me completly from MSN. **** if I need this Highschool games. It's like I'm in a bad episode of Degrassi. Jesus Christ.
bewilderedandhurt Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 my ex (who dumped me and is now engaged) made it real clear to me that he couldnt talk to me or be my friend and proceeded to write me a final email saying 'this was the last business contact needed and his last email to me." i was hurt and upset but had no choice but to accept that. i did absolutely NC. then this week after 2 months had passed by,out of the blue, he exposes his screen name and it appears on my buddy list and wella, he instant messages me saying "ok youre alive, , thats good thing to know. i dont answer. then 3 days later he Instant messages me again and asks "do you still play that nintendo game?" my shock and suspicioin made me think it over before i answered him. actually i didnt want to answer him but thought.gee maybe wecan be at least friendly or civil. but it took me like 28 hours to email him with my answer. and all i said was..."yes, i still play" . to which he emailed back and resonded "i am so sorry i bother you". it took me a few hours to write back to him "no bother". and that was it...he took his name off my buddy list again and hes gone. it took me so long to get back because i was in shock and i thought...what now? you want to inflict more pain? stroke your ego? tell me some wonderful news about the girl youre engaged to? what?and since i was dumped with no dignity remaining i wanted to respond in the right way that would give me closure and peace of mind. and now i kick myself for even answering him. because i think he was just checking in as if to say..you still there? and then went on his merry way. people like this are jerks and cruel and selfish. i just hope he didnt take it as "no bother ' you can come in and out of my life at will. or would he take it meaning...no bother ..you dont bother me. why would he even say "i am so sorry i bother you" it sounds egotistical. or it sounds like....gee i had a fall out with my finace, just wanted to see if you were around..but we patched things up, it all good now..so sorry i bother you. OMG i wish i knew. i am so sick of feeling like a jerk. but i agree they want to stir up the pot again. i am thinking of writing him a final goodbye and say what someone advised me on my post...this is the last contact from me. i dont talk to men who are engaged. i dont know. dont know what to do. i am just hoping he isnt smug and thinking yeah, shes still there. because i am now thinking i shouldnt have EVER answered him period. whats your take think hes smug. i am sick of him always having the final word so to speak. and i feel he did it again . i believ your philosophy darhma.
outdated Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by loveisallaround **** if I need this Highschool games. It's like I'm in a bad episode of Degrassi. Jesus Christ. If you're talking about degrassi, you're definitely Canadian. Of course it's just a mindf***. These exes don't want you back. If they did, there would be more than a phone call. They want to feel good about themselves- it's entirely selfish and entirely dispicable. Let them rot. Best of all, don't give them the courtesy of a talk. There's billions of people on Earth to waste your time on, and some of them might get down and dirty too- something your ex isn't considering, unless they are just horny and lonely. Good things get away from stupid people everyday- the fun is letting them realize it on their own while you live your life.
Author darhma Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 bewilderedandhurt I know how much it ticks you off that he has yet again had the last word. However alot of times silence says way more than words. If you write him anything it shows you still care enough to write him. The best way to say I could give a darn is to never ever say anything to him again. If you are really ready to be strong...block his emails and his ims from your accounts. So you never give him the opportunity to stir the pot again. Good luck
FiguringitoutinFL Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 This subject has hit home for me over the past week. My ex-fiancee (who broke up with me) had been calling, sending emails, and text messaging me about mundane bs after a month or so of NC. She is not doing this because she wants to be friends, she is doing it to make herself feel better. Luckily, I had the fortitude to tell her that I had nothing to say to her and that there was no way of being friends. She had that opportunity 5 months ago when I was begging her to talk to me. Unfortunately, this whole fiasco has put me into a bad place over the last couple of days. I was doing so good and had not even thought about her until she decided to pop back into my life. I cant begin to tell you how upset I am with her for contacting me. Of course at first I thought that she was trying to get back together with me and I felt confused because I do still love her, but she has been so hurtful and awful to me that I may never forgive her. But I realized that it had nothing to do with getting back together with me, it had to do with a selfish need to feel an ego boost and hope that I would once again send her letters and grovel.
bewolderedandhurt Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 i totally agree figuring. i think they have this egotistical need to just check in and see if we are still there for their super egos. i think they do, to some degree enjoy inflicting pain on us. thank you darhma for your instightful response. i really hope to have enough strength next time to simply ignore any contact. hes just a user. i would have loved to have been friends with him ..or so i thought..but i know it would only be one sided...his side. darhmar they just want to stir the pot. there are the rare ones who might have realized that they did wrong or want you back...and then make contact. but i know this bum is still engaged so why contact me?..especially since he went out of his way to have NC to begin with. it all comes down to this philosophy with some people figuring and dar, "do as i say, and not as i do". thats the way the think..thats what they want. they want what they want when they want it. its shallow and meaningless. i will tell you want means more to me.....i prayed to God to give me relief and hoped i would get contact. i think it was more of a blessing from that stand point. a prayer of relief being answered. maybe i am to take it as..some little victory that he contaced me. but if he were really sincere...that wouldnt have been the end of it. its just check in time. sadly.
Miffy Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Mine wants to meet me and I have agreed, wish I'd read this first. Oh well!
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