Navybluegal Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) You're independent, financially and emotionally. You don't want to have kids. You like sex. You'd like to have a companion whom you enjoy and who is in the same boat as you are. Why get married? Are there any advantages to getting hitched vs living together Edited May 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Typo ~6
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I am all of those things: financially & emotionally independent. I like sex. I got married because I also enjoy companionship & having a built in BFF. My husband made my life more fun, not less. 3
todreaminblue Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 i think it is up to the individual....but i personally feel marriage is a commitment that is preferable versus ...shacking up with a bedroom bud..i think independence ...is good....as is being able to depend on someone other than yourself for emotional support a support network that is...dependable.....like donnivain said i feel marriage adds more than oen thing and difeinitely something to a relationship versus...taking away something.........deb 2
Heracles Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I am all of those things: financially & emotionally independent. I like sex. I got married because I also enjoy companionship & having a built in BFF. My husband made my life more fun, not less. So is it impossible to enjoy companionship and live with you BFF, without marriage? How so?
Alamo657 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 So is it impossible to enjoy companionship and live with you BFF, without marriage? How so? I believe by "marriage" she meant monogamy and life-long partnership. I personally believe that people who are in love with their independance and want no responsabilities cannot be trusted in a relationship in the long run. They'll get bored eventually.
Author Navybluegal Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 I am all of those things: financially & emotionally independent. I like sex. I got married because I also enjoy companionship & having a built in BFF. My husband made my life more fun, not less. Why did you get married? What's the ultimate reason? Attention people, I'm not making any judgement calls. Just curious about people's experiences.
basil67 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 It depends where you live. My partner and I are common law. But if we lived somewhere where the state didn't recognise us as next of kin, then we'd marry. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 Also, by "marriage" I mean the legal aspect of it. Is "sealing the deal" legally worth it for an independent woman who doesn't want to have children?
Author Navybluegal Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 It depends where you live. My partner and I are common law. But if we lived somewhere where the state didn't recognise us as next of kin, then we'd marry. Perfect. here's one!
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 You're independent, financially and emotionally. You don't want to have kids. You like sex. You'd like to have a companion whom you enjoy and who is in the same boat as you are. Why get married? Are there any advantages to getting hitched vs living together If you know who you are...if you know what you want out of life...then there is no reason for you to get married and have children. There are plenty of like minded men who would be glad to be your companion. Do not cave in to social pressure. Live your life for you...we only get one chance at this. Live your life the way you want...if later you change your mind...you will find a way to change things. I have been married 44 years....I would not change a thing. But I look at my granddaughters and I want them to live their lives the way they want to....not the way society says they should. 2
Gloria25 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Oh, I would LOVE to get married... Thing is, in this world people who want to marry usually want kids and not just "companionship". So, without kids unfortunately there isn't much glue to keep people who are married just for "companionship" together and I think that's sad. Cuz, IMO, if you need kids to keep you two together then what's the point of living? To procreate and have bills? I mean, I know that I'm capable of having kids and keeping my body fly and sexing/treating my man well - but thing is, the marriages now a days, hard to find a guy who shares the values/beliefs that I have when it comes to marriage and that looks/us being "lovers" is a priority. You know, it's not just women letting themselves go after marriage, lots of lazy men now a days are doing that too and I'm not having kids to be trapped with some pot-belly loser. Also, the guys expect you to work and a lazy bums who want you to pay half/all their bills. I wanna be home for my kids. Actually, I would like to homeschool. I don't mind working, but my kids come first. I can't respect a man who tells me to go to work cuz he can't pay our bills alone. I've been making my own money and having my own stuff for years, so sorry, I can't respect a guy who needs half of my check. So, for me, if I'm gonna marry, I need a strong, good man who values us as "lovers" and is a strong provider/protector. Anything less than that, I would only marry for companionship and since most guys aren't marrying for companionship, then I'm in the screwed up situation I have been enduring for years now.
preraph Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I never married, didn't want kids. Been alone a very long time and doubt I could do it any other way, frankly. I think in your situation, the biggest plus is that you do not have to "find" someone to marry or "settle." So by all means date and have a good time, use BC, and IF you meat someone you're happier with than without in the long term, I do advocate marriage, mainly for when someone goes in the hospital and that sort of thing. Legal things. Good luck.
No_Go Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I'm financially and emotionally independent woman. I find relationships more of a hassle then pleasure. But still there are considerable advantages of marriage: - financial advantages (dual income = easier for big purchases, tax advantages depending where you live) - safety (if something happens to you and you're alone at home...) - handiman, cooking, cleaning etc - sex on demand - chaperone for social events - arrangements if you die or go to hospital - last but not least: social status (people say it doesn't matter but try running for a high post single...) 5
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 You're independent, financially and emotionally. You don't want to have kids. You like sex. You'd like to have a companion whom you enjoy and who is in the same boat as you are. Why get married? Are there any advantages to getting hitched vs living together Sound like a typical man.......they marry though...*shrug*... Who knows....With the changing of roles, maybe guys will start to withhold sex from women who aren't marriage material....Then you are screwed...or not....?? All kidding aside...Do what you want ....I don;t think anyone will judge you..if they do, eff them.. TFY 3
CarrieT Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 You're independent, financially and emotionally. You don't want to have kids. You like sex. You'd like to have a companion whom you enjoy and who is in the same boat as you are. This was me until my very late 40s - close to 50. I had a string of lovers, FWBs, and occasional boyfriends. Why get married? Are there any advantages to getting hitched vs living together Well, I finally met someone who had pre-teen children and he wanted to show them how a strong, committed marriage could succeed when marriage to their mother failed. We also knew - again, in our 50s - that we were both tired of trying to find companions that liked all the things that we liked to do together. There was also a financial advantage for getting hitched and it was the right decision at the right time. But I'll be honest; after being single for most of my adult life, I was one of those who never wanted to get married and was surprised when I finally agreed to do so. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 I'm financially and emotionally independent woman. I find relationships more of a hassle then pleasure. But still there are considerable advantages of marriage: - financial advantages (dual income = easier for big purchases, tax advantages depending where you live) - safety (if something happens to you and you're alone at home...) - handiman, cooking, cleaning etc - sex on demand - chaperone for social events - arrangements if you die or go to hospital - last but not least: social status (people say it doesn't matter but try running for a high post single...) Is it possible to have these "perks", so to say, without the legal bind?
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I am all of that. I never thought I would remarry. Why would I, I am financially secure, own my home, my daughter is an adult, no reason at all to remarry then my ex-husband died and it changed my way of seeing things. When he died he had been living common-law for 10 years with a woman and they had a 9 year old together. It turned into a living hell. She was blocked out of all of their bank account, credit cards, she had no saying in anything, she could not get any cash for food and gas. Then came the funeral arrangement and there too she had no saying and no saying where he'd by buried. Luckily it got solved but it took a long time. The amazing thing is that him and I had a will that was 25 years old and because he had not made one after that our will was still good even if we had been divorced for 12 years. Anyway, I don't want to get into too much details but living common-law is good when you are both alive. I would not want to live 20 years with someone and not be able to bury him. 6
Author Navybluegal Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 I am all of that. I never thought I would remarry. Why would I, I am financially secure, own my home, my daughter is an adult, no reason at all to remarry then my ex-husband died and it changed my way of seeing things. When he died he had been living common-law for 10 years with a woman and they had a 9 year old together. It turned into a living hell. She was blocked out of all of their bank account, credit cards, she had no saying in anything, she could not get any cash for food and gas. Then came the funeral arrangement and there too she had no saying and no saying where he'd by buried. Luckily it got solved but it took a long time. The amazing thing is that him and I had a will that was 25 years old and because he had not made one after that our will was still good even if we had been divorced for 12 years. Anyway, I don't want to get into too much details but living common-law is good when you are both alive. I would not want to live 20 years with someone and not be able to bury him. Excellent post. Thanks for the insight. 1
minimariah Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Is "sealing the deal" legally worth it for an independent woman who doesn't want to have children? sure, why shouldn't it be? there's always a prenup. to most, i think it's more about the process and enjoying making your union official. & yeah, there are some benefits you get being married.
Author Navybluegal Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 (edited) "enjoying making your union official" Honestly, I'm scared &*&less of it becoming routine and falling into a rut. Been there once before and that's exactly what happened. I also see it so much at work and among friends where people get married and after a while they're not happy because the dynamics changed for the worse And then they're stuck because they're so tied financially/legally, so they can't leave and have to suffer through it or resort to infidelity. There are benefits - no doubt, but ultimately doe the benefits outweigh the downsides? Edited May 23, 2016 by Navybluegal
Art_Critic Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Besides the legal and medical reasons why wouldn't an independent woman be able to keep her independence while reaping the commitment benefits of a marriage ? Being married shouldn't be about giving up all the things in your opening post.. 3
No_Go Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I guess except the last one - you can. However you always risk your sex/companion/house chore partner to leave. Of course he can do it even if you're married but there is an energy barrier that is difficult to surmount, and will stop many people. It is like employment 'at will' vs contract employment. Is it possible to have these "perks", so to say, without the legal bind? 1
minimariah Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Honestly, I'm scared &*&less of it becoming routine and falling into a rut. well... that can happen with or without marriage. i understand you - relationships aren't ideal. it's a bunch of ups & downs and at SOME POINT, you'll start taking each other for granted. there are boring monents, for sure. but you recognize them, work on them, communicate and change the dynamic. you do what you can. besides, routine isn't necessarily a bad thing... not at all. it doesn't need to translate into boredom. There are benefits - no doubt, but ultimately doe the benefits outweigh the downsides? well, like i said - if there is a prenup... you're secured financially. IF that's what's bothering you. also - i recently read a study where it showed that folks are actually HAPPIER married than unmarried buuuuut they're less happy with children. take these studies with a grant of salt, of course - but many folks told me they really do love their wives and husbands more than they did when they were boyfriends & girlfriends. it's an interesting thought. it's the same with having kids - things can either go really well or really bed. your kid can get sick or die, God forbid. you can get divorced and become a weekend parent, lose custody. same with marriage - you can end up in the street, you can go totally broke if there isn't a prenup, you'll get a little stigma for being divorced... leaving isn't easy. in many cases, the prenup gets cancelled for this or that reason. imagine this - you meet someone, fall in love. you feel the desire to get married but you're scared and you have two options: just saying f@ck it & going for it OR choosing the safe way out and not doing it... what would you regret more? being screwed by marriage or NOT being married at all because you were too scared, even though the idea actually appeals to you? 1
Author Navybluegal Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 I guess except the last one - you can. However you always risk your sex/companion/house chore partner to leave. Of course he can do it even if you're married but there is an energy barrier that is difficult to surmount, and will stop many people. It is like employment 'at will' vs contract employment. Am I wrong to think that if my partner wants to leave then he should do so and not let the door hit him on the way out? If my partner is not happy with current situation and wants out I'm better off without them anyway, am I not? That's what happened in my ex-marriage. Because of the "energy barrier" both of us stayed and suffered through it waaaay past the expiration date. Hadn't we been married we would have split up and moved on a loooong time ago. 1
Gloria25 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 "enjoying making your union official" Honestly, I'm scared &*&less of it becoming routine and falling into a rut. Been there once before and that's exactly what happened. I also see it so much at work and among friends where people get married and after a while they're not happy because the dynamics changed for the worse And then they're stuck because they're so tied financially/legally, so they can't leave and have to suffer through it or resort to infidelity. There are benefits - no doubt, but ultimately doe the benefits outweigh the downsides? Because those people were boring and/or had no life in the first place. They probably thought their SO, marriage, and/or kids was going to make their life more interesting. I was 6 years with one guy. Trust me, when you two are passionate/interesting people - it doesn't get old, actually it gets even better 2
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