Relationship

[chocofactoreee]

Who do you go to for relationship advice? Do friends have your best interests at heart?

 

am 35 year old female dating what I believe to be a fabulous man. However, we have run into our first disagreement in our relationship. I do worry a lot and suffer from anxiety, so it's nice to get other people's perspectives on relationship matters.

 

However, I never really know where to turn when I need advice on my relationships. I've found in the part, that certain gf's of mine give me terrible advice which at times backfires. Or they automatically think the worst and tell me to dump the person. Or they make me paranoid but jumping to conclusions about the guy. Or tell me that a guy should act a certain way, or else 'He's just not that into you. Or they offer their opinion on a relationship issue even when I don't want advice but just need a listening ear.

 

I have one gf who is so bitter towards men (and even though) she's like family to me, I can't ask her for advice but I feel it comes from a place of hate. She tells me all the time that men just want sex and aren't in it for longterm and will leave you eventually for a younger woman.

 

In my current situation, I have another gf that as soon as she found out that my current boyfriend was Italian, she said my relationship would not last because it's an interracial relationship. So I don't tell her about who I date. And every time she calls me to say hi, she starts off the conversation with, 'Is your relationship still going well.' It's as if she is expecting my relationship to fail. Keep in mind she is married and has a daughter. Not sure what her deal is.

Edited May 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Buddhist]

You learn to become your own authority. Most people, especially friends and family, have a vested interest in your other relationships. They will only ever give you biased opinions based on those vested interests, despite good intentions. If you want an independent 3rd party with no vested interest, get a therapist.

[Satu]

I agree with Buddhist.

 

In essence, you're casting your friends into the role of therapist, and thats not as good as actually committing to therapy and working out your issues in a focussed way.

 

I'd also recommend that you start keeping a journal, and write about your thoughts and feelings. You can learn a lot about yourself that way.

 

It will help you to become your own authority, as Buddhist mentioned.

 

As a last comment, this is my self-penned motto, which appeared in my journal one day:

 

 

"I only give the best of myself to others. The less than best, I work on in my own time."

 

 

I live by that, and it works 100% for me.

 

 

Take care.

Edited May 22, 2016 by Satu

[d0nnivain]

I know something about my friends' biases so when I ask their opinion I am somewhat able to filter those out of whatever they say.

 

 

Anybody who always jumps to conclusions that somebody is cheating or that all men/women are terrible people, I don't ask them for advice.

 

 

With respect to most decisions, when I am really stuck, I seek advice from at least two sources: somebody I know will tell me what I want to hear & somebody who is most likely to disagree with me. I figure the balance should at least help me find a middle path.

 

 

For your own anxiety make lists -- what you know & What you have proof of.

[Shanex]

The cheap and fastest way is to sign up to Loveshack.org, where we share our experience and knowledge. A therapist is also a solution if you can afford it, because it's not cheap.

 

Your friends aren't going to tell you that you're wrong, or doing it wrong because they are friends and may be afraid to hurt you in the long run. They lack the objectivity.

 

Also dating an Italian is interracial ? Seriously ? I'd rather not 'go there' and debate this, but assuming you're ''white'' or even whatever else ethnicity it was a pretty dumb statement by that person.

 

So to answer your original question, I ask my Irl pals and sometimes start a thread here.