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Seeing ex fiancé after I left him for another man. ?

JaimeNY

By JaimeNY
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JaimeNY New Member

JaimeNY

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My ex fiance and I had been together 8yrs when we broke up last year and the decision to end the engagment was mine. We had gone very impatient with each other and argued a lot towards the end of our time together, About 2 months before we broke up I randomly met and instantly fell for another guy. I work in the city and his firehouse is a few streets from my job so I would have lunch with him and be with him when I could. We quickly developed an intense relationship and we constantly wanted to be together, I left my ex and despite what people think it broke my heart doing that to him because regardless of our fights/growing apart, He is an amazing caring man and he didn't deserve what I done to him, He told me that he hated me and I destroyed his heart. I am now engaged and living with the guy I left him for, I love him so much and for the first time in a long time im truly happy, When im with him all my problems and worries disappear. My ex and I have close mutual friends that are getting married next weekend and my bff told me he is definitely going so it will be the first time that I see him since the break up and he doesn't know im engaged, My fiancé is also fdny so the have some mutual friends attending and im terrified of tension or a fight starting as my fiancé is known to be somewhat hot headed. Any advice on how to go about this? Also please don't be hateful, I know what I done was awful! Thanks.

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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My fiancé is also fdny so the have some mutual friends attending and im terrified of tension or a fight starting as my fiancé is known to be somewhat hot headed. Any advice on how to go about this? Also please don't be hateful, I know what I done was awful! Thanks.

 

Be polite, kind, and considerate.

 

If he starts a fight, it will all be on him but because it is a wedding, everyone might actually be on their best behavior and nothing will happen beyond ignoring each other.

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Cherryz Established Member

Cherryz

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You come with excuses about your ex and how things warent well, but its clear you just left him much more for a other guy!

Means you was also emotionally cheating on him before you left?!

 

That most hurt like hell for him.

I think the last thing you want to do is rub it in his face that you have a new man and also keep say this pity story's about how bad you feel and how sorry you are.

He dont need to hear more of that of you!

 

I think if you with someone that is a trouble maker you should just not go with him to the wedding so he wont start some trouble with your ex who have nothing to do with you and also mess up the wedding.

 

I think its important to deal with respect with peoples heart. Even after a break up.

Since you break up with him also in that way, i think its better for you not to go there

and be all kissing and stuff to with your new guy.

And if you see your ex just be respectful and greet him and ask him how are you and have a nice day. and move on.

Dont go tell him stupid story's about you sorry blah blah.

 

And if you see this will only bring drama. DONT GO!

Its a wedding of someone else they dont need your drama there.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Say hi to your ex and then keep your distance.

 

Tell your current to keep his emotions in check and behave like a grown up.

 

There is no need for any drama, hopefully your ex will have a date too, or even a girlfriend.

 

You are adults be respectful of each other and everything will be fine.....

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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just go because your friends want you to go. If things get bad just leave.

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Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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Well maybe you could be the bigger person here and simply not attend in order to spare your mutual friend drama at a time when the attention should really be on them.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Well maybe you could be the bigger person here and simply not attend in order to spare your mutual friend drama at a time when the attention should really be on them.

 

Or go by yourself or bring someone else other than your current.....

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JaimeNY New Member

JaimeNY

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Well maybe you could be the bigger person here and simply not attend in order to spare your mutual friend drama at a time when the attention should really be on them.

 

 

 

I have suggested this to her but as I am one of her bridesmaid's she has said no to that option.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I have suggested this to her but as I am one of her bridesmaid's she has said no to that option.

 

Since you are a bridesmaid, then you will be sitting and hanging with the bride and wedding party anyway.

 

The fiance can stay home.

 

I am sure he will understand.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You are a bridesmaid. You have to go. Maybe you will get lucky & your EX won't be there.

 

 

Since you have reason to believe he will be there, you & your new guy need your wits about you. To me that means you two would be better off stone cold sober. It will be much easier to keep a lid on things if you have not been drinking. High emotions + booze = disaster.

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kgcolonel Established Member

kgcolonel

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There is a price to each of you for what you did....for your ex, a broken heart from trusting you whilst you engaged another man and dumped your ex...for you, there are also prices, you evidently are dating a hot head, therefore neither of you or your current fiancé should attend this wedding. There should be some shame in what you did to your ex. That being said, you and your current bf should accept what you did was a terrible betrayal and thus be willing to just stay away.

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gimlynick Established Member

gimlynick

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Sounds like a nightmare for your ex...

 

Does you ex know that you're a bridesmaid? If yes, it is up to him to not attend the marriage I think.

 

If no, maybe you should talk with him ( via a mutual friend? )

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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If your current partner isn't grown up enough to be civil at the wedding, leave him at home with his colouring books and crayons...

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Just wondering, does your ex know you cheated on him with your current?

 

Not judging cuz I broke an engagement too when I met my third bf.

 

But don't know what you told him when you ended it.

 

If he knows you cheated with your current, I would imagine that would make things very painful for him to see you together. I wouldn't put him through that.

 

Do you know if he has moved on and has a gf?

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JaimeNY New Member

JaimeNY

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Just wondering, does your ex know you cheated on him with your current?

 

Not judging cuz I broke an engagement too when I met my third bf.

 

But don't know what you told him when you ended it.

 

If he knows you cheated with your current, I would imagine that would make things very painful for him to see you together. I wouldn't put him through that.

 

Do you know if he has moved on and has a gf?

 

 

 

I was fully honest with him on why I wanted to leave, I told him everything. From what my friends fiancé told me.. He is still single, he hasn't had a gf since, not that he is short of offers apparently. No one has told him I am engaged though.

 

 

I do have shame for what I done to him, As I said he didn't deserve any of it but you cant help who you fall in love with, Yes we argue but I am head over heels in love with my fiancé I just don't know how to handle seeing my ex because I know emotions will be through the roof.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I just don't know how to handle seeing my ex because I know emotions will be through the roof.

 

 

You don't drink at or before the wedding. You also let your EX say whatever he wants without reacting or trying to defend yourself. Even if he calls you horrible names, all you do is mumble sorry you feel that way; let's not ruin the wedding & you move away. If he chases you or raises his voice, everybody will turn on him. The key is you cannot say anything to escalate the situation; all you can do is be silent. It will incredibly difficult for you & more so for your new guy who will want to defend you especially if there is male pride involved. Hence, the responsibility that you not drink.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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How did your ex react when you ended it? Learned you were cheating?

 

Did he become overly emotional, lash out, call you names, throw a fit, etc?

 

For some reason, from what you shared, he doesn't strike me as the type, although I have no idea.

 

Your current is actually the hot head.

 

That said, unless your ex is a hot head too, I see no reason why he would cause an emotional scene, lash out.

 

Honestly since you are a bridesmaid and will be hanging with bride and wedding party , leave the hot headed fiance home.

 

Seriously that would be the best thing.

 

Are you resistant to doing that? If so, why?

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JaimeNY New Member

JaimeNY

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How did your ex react when you ended it? Learned you were cheating?

 

Did he become overly emotional, lash out, call you names, throw a fit, etc?

 

For some reason, from what you shared, he doesn't strike me as the type, although I have no idea.

 

Your current is actually the hot head.

 

That said, unless your ex is a hot head too, I see no reason why he would cause an emotional scene, lash out.

 

Honestly since you are a bridesmaid and will be hanging with bride and wedding party , leave the hot headed fiance home.

 

Seriously that would be the best thing.

 

Are you resistant to doing that? If so, why?

 

 

 

He got very emotional but didn't lash out/break anything etc, I got called a few names then he just wanted me to get out and that was it, he's not hot headed.

 

 

 

 

I brought it up to my fiancé about him maybe staying at home to have less friction there but he refused saying he wasn't leaving me alone with my ex.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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He got very emotional but didn't lash out/break anything etc, I got called a few names then he just wanted me to get out and that was it, he's not hot headed.

 

 

 

 

I brought it up to my fiancé about him maybe staying at home to have less friction there but he refused saying he wasn't leaving me alone with my ex.

 

That sounds nice, except you won't be alone with your ex ... you are bridesmaid for heaven's sake. You will be with the bride and wedding party. Mostly

 

Sounds more like possessiveness and wants to keep an eye on you.

 

Fear you may reconnect with your ex again ...I mean you cheated on your ex with him, the thought has no doubt occurred to him you may cheat on him with your ex.

 

But this thread isn't about that so won't expound on that.

 

You are happy and in love so will leave it at that.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Mind-Chants Established Member

Mind-Chants

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1. Stay away from alcohol. I repeat. Make it a dry day. No Alcohol. It lowers inhibitions.

 

2. Don't think about both of them right now. You did what you did. Now that you are with your fiance, invest all your energy at the wedding to keep check on your hot headed fiance. Forget about ex. Only a civil "hi" is more than enough. If you try to balance everything it would only create more problems.

 

3. You still have copious amount of guilt for cheating on your ex. Guilt is a powerful emotion so just don't try to compensate at the wedding. Keep your emotions under control. It won't undo anything other than making a scene.

 

 

Good Luck.

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frus69 Established Member

frus69

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That sounds nice, except you won't be alone with your ex ... you are bridesmaid for heaven's sake. You will be with the bride and wedding party. Mostly

 

Sounds more like possessiveness and wants to keep an eye on you.

 

Fear you may reconnect with your ex again ...I mean you cheated on your ex with him, the thought has no doubt occurred to him you may cheat on him with your ex.

 

But this thread isn't about that so won't expound on that.

 

You are happy and in love so will leave it at that.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

I agree. Also don't understand what his problem is staying at home.

OP are you sure you wanna marry your current fiancé ?

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JaimeNY New Member

JaimeNY

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I agree. Also don't understand what his problem is staying at home.

OP are you sure you wanna marry your current fiancé ?

 

 

 

Of course, I love him very much?

Im curious as to why you asked that? Do I sound unsure? :)

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

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I brought it up to my fiancé about him maybe staying at home to have less friction there but he refused saying he wasn't leaving me alone with my ex.

This guy is such an arrogant tool. HE'S the one who disrespected your ex, not the other way around. He'd actually deserve to have his face put through a brick wall by your ex, and here he is instead, up on his high horse acting as though HE has a right to start a fight.

 

You picked yourself a real winner, there.

I do have shame for what I done to him...
It's "did." For what you DID to him.

 

This wedding isn't the "All About the Arrogant Tool Show" - it's your friend's special day. Show her the respect she deserves and curb your dog at home. Jeez.

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Acerboy Member

Acerboy

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It wont be long and you'd be back here asking us how you should go bout it getting back with you ex. You will see.

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frus69 Established Member

frus69

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Of course, I love him very much?

Im curious as to why you asked that? Do I sound unsure? :)

 

Because he sounds possessive, childish, bad temper,not very smart in general

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