AlexiaC Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Hey you guys I hope that I'm posting in the right place and that I can get some advice. So I was seeing this guy for the past few months and he was very consistent. At first I was not interested in him at all or pursuing anything with anyone as I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship so I just wanted to keep it physical but after a while it was clear that he did not. Any who, despite sometimes flat out ignoring him he would still try. Eventually I gave in and I slowly started to like him. He'll ask to see me sometimes 3/4 times a week and has done this almost every week since the beginning. Even with my schedule (school and internship) and me having to rain check he still was very patient and asked to see me. I rarely have to initiate contact either. Calls me babe, sends random texts just saying 'I hope you're having a good day". Just pretty much doing the right thing when courting a woman and clearly showed interest. The week or so he was a little distant and just kind of evasive about going out and doing things so I just completely backed off and then early in the morning he sends me a text saying "Good Morning, I know I've been dragging my feet lately but I'm just mentally trying to get over my ex. I just wanted to let you know". I don't know if that was his I'm just trying to explain my behavior or a bye bye message. Plus what the heck does "mentally get over" even mean? Either way I didn't pry and try to ask I just responded much later and said thanks for letting me know. I know what I'm going to do but this just sucks and stings quite a bit. Just hurt and confused I guess :/
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) You are a rebound, he never fully got over his ex, before dating you. He merely slotted you into the position of his ex, hence he does all the "right things" and made you feel very cosy and comfortable. You were the substitute gf, he could have chosen just about anyone to do that with. Unfortunately for you, he has just woken up to realise you are NOT his ex, and so he has gone distant on you. Sorry! Edited May 22, 2016 by elaine567 Removed quote 2
dannmann1992 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 You are a rebound, he never fully got over his ex, before dating you. He merely slotted you into the position of his ex, hence he does all the "right things" and made you feel very cosy and comfortable. You were the substitute gf, he could have chosen just about anyone to do that with. Unfortunately for you, he has just woken up to realise you are NOT his ex, and so he has gone distant on you. Sorry! If a man is pursuing a woman for months and especially when that woman wasn't reciprocating that's genuine interest. What the heck kind of "rebound" is that? OP I don't think you were technically a rebound because what was he getting out of it? Being ignored? Lol. You just got out of a 6 year relationship yourself so I'm sure you're not 100% over that yourself but it seems like you have genuine feelings for him. As far as his message I don't think he's saying bye, I think he's just explaining why he's moving slow. He could've given you the cliché line of I'm just not looking for anything serious, I don't want a relationship, or just have ghosted you if he was a jerk. He doesn't sound like one. He actually sounds like a decent guy who respects you and cares about because he technically didn't owe you an explanation. I think if he didn't care for you and couldn't see some kind of future with you he wouldn't have given you an honest explanation, he would've spewed some BS at you. I think right now he is getting himself together and processing (that's what I would do).
Cherryz Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Hm , maybe he try to use you as a rebound. Or not intentionally. Either-way he is not ready to be with anyone. Move on! 3
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 If a man is pursuing a woman for months and especially when that woman wasn't reciprocating that's genuine interest. What the heck kind of "rebound" is that? OP I don't think you were technically a rebound because what was he getting out of it? Being ignored? Lol. Read what she wrote, they were still dating and getting physical. She may not have been initially interested in a relationship but he may not have been very aware of that fact, but he wore her down and she eventually developed feelings for him. He was still obviously very emotionally invested in his ex, so much so that months later he goes distant and then tells her the full story, he is still "mentally trying to get over my ex." That is why this is a rebound 1
dannmann1992 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Read what she wrote, they were still dating and getting physical. She may not have been initially interested in a relationship but he may not have been very aware of that fact, but he wore her down and she eventually developed feelings for him. He was still obviously very emotionally invested in his ex, so much so that months later he goes distant and then tells her the full story, he is still "mentally trying to get over my ex." That is why this is a rebound She said she ignored the man. Then he kept asking to see her even when she kept saying to raincheck. To be honest it sounds like OP wasn't interested in him. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like he did most of the chasing and you turned him down for one reason or another right? Curious, roughly how many times did he ask to see you and how many times did you actually see him? Something tells me you and him are in the same boat. You both like each other but still need to be 100% over the ex?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Sounds like the ex actually came back into the picture recently. Perhaps they saw each other or she called. Something triggered him. There's not much you can do here. He's been honest. All you can do is cut your losses and move on. 3
Alamo657 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Hey you guys I hope that I'm posting in the right place and that I can get some advice. So I was seeing this guy for the past few months and he was very consistent. At first I was not interested in him at all or pursuing anything with anyone as I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship so I just wanted to keep it physical but after a while it was clear that he did not. Any who, despite sometimes flat out ignoring him he would still try. Eventually I gave in and I slowly started to like him. He'll ask to see me sometimes 3/4 times a week and has done this almost every week since the beginning. Even with my schedule (school and internship) and me having to rain check he still was very patient and asked to see me. I rarely have to initiate contact either. Calls me babe, sends random texts just saying 'I hope you're having a good day". Just pretty much doing the right thing when courting a woman and clearly showed interest. The week or so he was a little distant and just kind of evasive about going out and doing things so I just completely backed off and then early in the morning he sends me a text saying "Good Morning, I know I've been dragging my feet lately but I'm just mentally trying to get over my ex. I just wanted to let you know". I don't know if that was his I'm just trying to explain my behavior or a bye bye message. Plus what the heck does "mentally get over" even mean? Either way I didn't pry and try to ask I just responded much later and said thanks for letting me know. I know what I'm going to do but this just sucks and stings quite a bit. Just hurt and confused I guess :/ I pursued a woman at the beginning of the year, did all the "right things" as you say because i was really excited. At some point we kissed, and it triggered not happyness but sadness, because while the ex was out of the picture, i was (and still am) not over it. Bottom line, it can be exciting to chase a woman, play the seduction game, and seeing results, and all of this can be triggered by genuine attraction. But feelings for the ex can resurface at that very best moment, bringing us back in the past and feeling a sense of loss. It has nothing to do with rebounding, lying or being inconsistent, it can mean we're just not ready to commit to one person with our whole heart. 1
gimlynick Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I pursued a woman at the beginning of the year, did all the "right things" as you say because i was really excited. At some point we kissed, and it triggered not happyness but sadness, because while the ex was out of the picture, i was (and still am) not over it. Bottom line, it can be exciting to chase a woman, play the seduction game, and seeing results, and all of this can be triggered by genuine attraction. But feelings for the ex can resurface at that very best moment, bringing us back in the past and feeling a sense of loss. It has nothing to do with rebounding, lying or being inconsistent, it can mean we're just not ready to commit to one person with our whole heart. I confirm! You're not a rebound. He thought he was over his ex but something triggered him. Don't let him go if you like him. Give him some time :-)
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