Piddle Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I posted a thread a while back about this guy I've known for a long time http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/579390-he-just-upset-just-not-interested A while back the dynamics of the relationship changed and I started to hope we would get together. Basically he works in an industry where he is on site 99 % of the time and is never in town so we Skyped and kept in touch remotely. My first thread was about his mom basically dying after a sudden illness and for like 8 weeks he was totally pulling away and not communicating at all so I respected that and would just send him a text saying stuff like 'thinking of you' whatever, the kind of text where no response was necessary. Now some more time has passed he has suddenly picked up the same level of contact as he had before. He is back to skypeing me for like 90 minutes a time, whenever I text him he never replies by text but calls me and then talks for ages about whatever. But there is a massive BUT. Before, because he was genuinely never in town and was on site ALL the time, I accepted that he just couldn't see me regularly because of the logistics - I guess I envisioned us starting a relationship (I had not thought this through but I guess I thought it would happen via Skype or phone) and then when we had started the relationship it would then be easier to see each other as I could go stay some weekends while he was on site (this is allowed in his company). I also know he is only going to stay in this industry for one more year before moving back to our town - and this is to save even more money so he can start his dream business, he knows it is not a sustainable life. However I am now questioning if he has any feelings for me or if it is all in my imagination. He is now in town weekly, for a couple of days in the mid week. This is because his dad is having a complete melt down after my friend's mom's death and his younger siblings are so sad - so my friend is pretty much coming to town for a couple of days a week, taking care of all the practical stuff - arranging stuff for the kids and then going back to work. In all of this, I know he must be crazy busy, but IF you really like a girl (and not some random girl but somebody you have known for a long time), surely you would make like 45 minutes or 1 hour to have a coffee? He has not seen me a long long time, and seems perfectly happy spending hours talking to me on Skype but will not arrange a meet up. I have indicated I would like to see him, but he just says he is busy and has picked a week in late June when he is on leave and will be in town for a week - he says we can meet for coffee then. He has said I should come see him at work because the site is near a cool camping ground and we can go camping one night. Then when I asked 'when? you are so busy' he said, 'yes, you're right it is difficult to fit this in in the near future.' Thoughts? Do you think he likes me but life is just getting in the way of a relationship and that he is keeping in touch hoping that I am still here when the timing is better and I should just hang in there? Or am I just a super good friend who he likes talking to and that is it and I should move on? 1
Lois_Griffin Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I don't sense any romance here at all. I think he enjoys talking to you because you're a nice respite from the constant work atmosphere he's always in, is all. He NEVER tries to see you when he's in town so that pretty much says it all. You can only use the excuse that he's grieving for his mother and that's why he can't see you for so long. The sad truth is, if he's available to Skype for 90 minutes then obviously he's not THAT full of grief that he can't come see you when he's in town. He chooses not to. You need to face the fact that you're a friend, not a romantic interest. 1
Buddhist Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 My honest thoughts are you are holding out for something that will probably never happen. Don't put your life on hold for a dream that you aren't in control of. 1
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 How old is he and what is his dating history? Is he an eternal bachelor, shy, damaged, hurt, emotionally unavailable or just a workaholic, or just busy at work for a few years? Why is he single?
Author Piddle Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 How old is he and what is his dating history? Is he an eternal bachelor, shy, damaged, hurt, emotionally unavailable or just a workaholic, or just busy at work for a few years? Why is he single? He's 30. From what I know he does not have a dating history after college. I'm pretty sure he has been celibate for around 7 years. I mean he could be having random hookups, I guess you would not talk to a female friend about your random bar hookups so it's hard for me to know, but every time I have ever called him he has been in his office or his room, or out for dinner with colleagues. I know he had a host of college girlfriends, but after college it never happened. He is quite possibly the most workaholic person I have EVER come across in my entire life. And my dad is a serious workaholic who works in an industry where this level of work is required so I know what I'm talking about and this guy makes my dad look work shy Before his mom died the reason he was always on site and never in town on the weekend is because he would be putting in extra time over the weekend. I know he is in the office at 5:30 and does not leave til after 8 plus works both days in the weekend. TBH this and his talent has paid of big time and he is now in such a senior position in his company that the people who work across the industry in the same position are min late 40s and normally late 50s. There was even this thing about him being the youngest ever in that position at the age of 28. I think part of the reason he is like this is because he does not have anything else to do, so he focuses all on his job. I'm pretty confident, because I know him so well, that if he got married and had kids he would crank it down. I know he would never give up working insanely hard, but he would calm down on the 5:30 to 8 hours. He has also acknowledged that he does not want to stay in the industry for ever and will start his own business in one to two years.
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