kunaka1000 Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 i told my girlfriend about how my 1st child was taken away from me without even being born by my ex who aborted without me knowing and only told me the day she did it,even tho we had planned to keep the child and we were so young this happened 5years ago. i had never told anyone about this and my girl became the 1st,I love her and was the 1st I felt I could confide in and wanted a future with, but i was stupid I guess, just wanted to let her know that her daughter i already saw as my own i would never neglect her because she filled a void in me and I loved her. She got angry how could I have not told her about this earlier how can she trust me if I can keep such a thing and was disapointed in me. I decided to leave her alone no contact because I was starting to get fed up. A day and a half later she sent me a couple of voice notes and was very emotional like she was crying,told me she hadn't gone to work just thinking and feeling so sad and said no matter how much she is angry she misses me and wants us to go back to the way things were before but just has so much anger right now towards me that every time she see my name or picture she feels hatred and just wants me to pay but the more she doesn't talk to me her anger is increased more and is stuck with me no matter what because she loves me and wants to forgive me so bad. i also sent a voice note explaining because it's clear she didnt understand my story and because I'm the one that was wronged but she didn't reply. The next morning she sent a text saying she trying to make us work but keeps thinking these promises are all lies and afraid il do the same like I did to my ex leaving her confused till she had no option but to abort and I would neglect her and even my parents may not want her because she is as educated as I am also not being a virgin and has a child. i called her and explained evrything she still had saddeness in her voice but was understanding could tell she was very vulnerable and hurt we talked and like offered to come to her at first said no and talked somemore mostly me talking and explaing and asked again if i should come there there was a long pause and she just hung up.havent spoken to her in a day now. You know it's not fair because she is blaming me for something I never did my ex aborted and I never knew about it until the day she told when it's was already done her elder sisters forced her and I had traveller to be with my sick grandma and we even had made plans on how we were going to keep him or her,even was about to tell my parents. I Love This Woman But I Do not Knw If I've Really Lost Her And What I Should Do About this,If anything at all. 1
Buddhist Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I wouldn't worry about losing this one. She sounds completely unhinged. I mean seriously? So much drama over something that didn't happen to her, had nothing to do with her, tears and tantrums? Surely you find someone a little more grown up than this. She sounds like a 3yr old. 9
Poppyolive Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I don't think you have done anything wrong. It's obviously set off many feelings/emotions for your girlfriend, which I kind of understand. Perhaps there's a little jealousy mixed in there? Jealousy of you having/wanting to have a baby with an ex, feeling second best etc??? Which I know may sound ridiculous. Plus, waiting this long to bring such an important piece of your past up? Right now you're both on different pages, I completely understand your side. You've just opened up to the girl you love, about something significant in your past that hurt you. And she's reacted so selfishly. I think you just need to give her space to cool off, get her feelings/emotions in check. (I'm hoping she is very aware of her own thoughts/feelings) then when you're both ready you can talk it out. I hope this results in you both understanding eachother, creating an open space to discuss your individual feelings. I am hoping the hate that she feels for you is simply jumbled emotions of anger and jealousy and that she will reflect and see what an numpty she is being. 2
spiderowl Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 It sounds like a mixture of her getting the wrong end of the stick about your story and, like poppolive said, maybe a mixture of fear and worry that someone in the past obviously meant a great deal to you. Wanting a child with someone is big! It means they had an important relationship in the past. I am really sorry she has not yet grasped your grief and pain. You do not deserve this. If you still want to be with this woman, then I would leave her to think. If she does have contact with you, re-iterate that you were the hurt party and that your relationship with her is precious. Make it clear you are not hanging on to this old relationship, only sad about the loss of the child. I know you've already done this so you should not have to keep explaining. Let her cool down and get in contact with you. It's not fair that you should have to keep justifying yourself. 4
preraph Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 She's too immature to be considering as a mate. She's all drama and no common sense. Don't waste your time with her. She's young and inexperienced and judgmental in the extreme. 6
Satu Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 She's not grown up enough to be part of a functional relationship. 6
Gaeta Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Hard to believe this woman is 28 years old. You've only been dating 3 months. It's normal you did not share such sensitive subject with her before. She is immature, self-centered and dramatic. You shared something extremely hurtful to you and she made it about herself and how she feels betrayed. Take this as an eye opener on the type of woman she is. This is not the woman you can build a healthy relationship with. Time to break it. 8
Poppyolive Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 You've only been together 3 months??? How did I miss this? Oh dear. 3
Author kunaka1000 Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 thank u all for your replies and thoughts and advise it means a lot she texted me today trying to make small talk but was not feeling it, and then called with her sister and said her sister wanted to say hie and I spoke to her and ended the call on its cool did not feel like begging or initiate any conversation think she was waiting for that. After a few minutes she sent a message saying I hope you realise you are being thought of and I said by your sister right and she replied suprisingly by me sent I was thinking of her too and she replied you so sweet but sent another message saying sorry wrong text .then we stopped talking, think shes trying to get me jealous 1
Satu Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 thank u all for your replies and thoughts and advise it means a lot she texted me today trying to make small talk but was not feeling it, and then called with her sister and said her sister wanted to say hie and I spoke to her and ended the call on its cool did not feel like begging or initiate any conversation think she was waiting for that. After a few minutes she sent a message saying I hope you realise you are being thought of and I said by your sister right and she replied suprisingly by me sent I was thinking of her too and she replied you so sweet but sent another message saying sorry wrong text .then we stopped talking, think shes trying to get me jealous You need somebody more mature. Not necessarily in age, but definitely in the emotional and attitude senses. She's not on your level.
Author kunaka1000 Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 its true im just thinking of not giving any contact anymore just wait for her to do so when ready. You Know I feel like letting go but at the same time want to keep fighting but right now just drained
Dis Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 its true im just thinking of not giving any contact anymore just wait for her to do so when ready. You Know I feel like letting go but at the same time want to keep fighting but right now just drained Theres nothing to fight for here hun. She's a lost cause. If shes going to act this way over something like this...imagine what she'd act like when you actually did something wrong. Get out now hun. 1
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 thank u all for your replies and thoughts and advise it means a lot she texted me today trying to make small talk but was not feeling it, and then called with her sister and said her sister wanted to say hie and I spoke to her and ended the call on its cool did not feel like begging or initiate any conversation think she was waiting for that. After a few minutes she sent a message saying I hope you realise you are being thought of and I said by your sister right and she replied suprisingly by me --- ****sent I was thinking of her too and she replied you so sweet but sent another message saying sorry wrong text .then we stopped talking, think shes trying to get me jealous Oh good god she said the text calling you sweet wasn't meant for you? Please please please, get rid of this girl, she sounds utterly toxic. Whatever you do, do not fall for her BS. Yes she was trying to get you jealous, get rid! Next. 1
Buddhist Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 she texted me today trying to make small talk but was not feeling it, and then called with her sister and said her sister wanted to say hie and I spoke to her and ended the call on its cool did not feel like begging or initiate any conversation think she was waiting for that. After a few minutes she sent a message saying I hope you realise you are being thought of and I said by your sister right and she replied suprisingly by me sent I was thinking of her too and she replied you so sweet but sent another message saying sorry wrong text .then we stopped talking, think shes trying to get me jealous This is out and out manipulation. An almost 30yr woman getting her sister to call you? Is her sister going to move in with you guys so she can be the go-between every time you have an argument. I'm sorry but this is the kind of behaviour one expects from a 10yr old, not someone who's supposed to be an adult. :roll eyes: This is just about the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. Is she Asian by any chance? It sounds awfully familiar. The reality is this. She will not grow up fast enough for you to have an adult relationship with her. If you stick with her you are agreeing to spending you life with someone who acts like a little kid. Delete her number, walk away and go and find someone worthwhile. Anything else is just asking for perpetual drama and headaches. 3
Author kunaka1000 Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 I hear and understand what you guys are saying, think its time now even tho tomorrow is supposed to be our anniversary.
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I think this is NOT about you, I think something about your story triggered something in her and that is why she is so upset. I understand she was dumped by her bf whilst pregnant, so I feel it has something to do with that. She is probably still angry with him so is taking it out on you. Trouble is that instead of commiserating with you when you opened up and told her about a painful memory from your past, she chose to make it all about her and flounced off. She doesn't sound like a woman you can rely on for support. At 4 months of dating, you should be on cloud nine, not having to navigate such stormy seas. Too much drama here. 1
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