Jubawa Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Hi all, My relationship with a girl I was seeing ended. I really feel heartbroken. I thought there was so much potential to our relationship and, admittedly, I fell for her way too fast. She's now already dating another guy,which is crushing for me. I barely eat and sleep anymore. I want to get over her but don't know how to. I've been feeling depressed and negative. I took some time off work because I wasn't performing well anymore. Please I need some advice to feel get over her.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 There is the standard advice of going no contact and blocking her from all social media so you don't get stuck in limbo. The next step is to start focusing on yourself. Working out, building your confidence, setting goals, spending time with friends etc.. If you still find that is having a really negative impact on your life it might be worth getting some therapy to help you get back on track. If you are desperate you could also try the rubber band method. Basically, you wear one on your wrist and every time you think of her you flick it. The theory is that your brain will begin to associate thoughts of her with physical pain and will start to avoid those thoughts. It is unconventional, but if it works then it doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are going through this. In time these feelings will pass but you need to hang in there. 1
mortensorchid Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 With the above noted person ... 1) Avoid social media 2) Cease contact in other ways (phone calls, texts, etc.) 3) Work out and eat right, it will clean out the bad from you physically and mentally. But I would like to add: 4) See a shrink, get meds. - There is NO SHAME in this. If you are ashamed that you are seeing a shrink, remember that they are there to help you. There is NOTHING that they have not heard before. Depression is a medical condition, it's something that you can't do much about except try to work through, and the meds are good things. Do you know how many people are out there suffering with depression / anxiety / mental illness because they are ashamed to take the prescriptions? They don't want to admit that they need help. Think of it this way : Do we ever accuse people of things like this when we are binge drinking or using recreational drugs (legal or illegal)? Never. What is the shame in taking prescriptions for this? Work as hard as you can to get through it. It's not just going to go away unless you work at it. 1
Author Jubawa Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 There is the standard advice of going no contact and blocking her from all social media so you don't get stuck in limbo. The next step is to start focusing on yourself. Working out, building your confidence, setting goals, spending time with friends etc.. If you still find that is having a really negative impact on your life it might be worth getting some therapy to help you get back on track. If you are desperate you could also try the rubber band method. Basically, you wear one on your wrist and every time you think of her you flick it. The theory is that your brain will begin to associate thoughts of her with physical pain and will start to avoid those thoughts. It is unconventional, but if it works then it doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are going through this. In time these feelings will pass but you need to hang in there. I've done that already. Deleted her contact from my phone and other social media. I love working out but got injured so that's out the window. But how would I go about building my self confidence? Actually it's been quite low these days.
Author Jubawa Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 With the above noted person ... 1) Avoid social media 2) Cease contact in other ways (phone calls, texts, etc.) 3) Work out and eat right, it will clean out the bad from you physically and mentally. But I would like to add: 4) See a shrink, get meds. - There is NO SHAME in this. If you are ashamed that you are seeing a shrink, remember that they are there to help you. There is NOTHING that they have not heard before. Depression is a medical condition, it's something that you can't do much about except try to work through, and the meds are good things. Do you know how many people are out there suffering with depression / anxiety / mental illness because they are ashamed to take the prescriptions? They don't want to admit that they need help. Think of it this way : Do we ever accuse people of things like this when we are binge drinking or using recreational drugs (legal or illegal)? Never. What is the shame in taking prescriptions for this? Work as hard as you can to get through it. It's not just going to go away unless you work at it. I've done all of first 3 points already. I thought about seeing a shrink because I feel I may need to see one. I'm just afraid this might be too much since it's just a breakup. Then again I've never felt so heartbroken before.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I've done that already. Deleted her contact from my phone and other social media. I love working out but got injured so that's out the window. But how would I go about building my self confidence? Actually it's been quite low these days. Surround yourself with other women and flirt. Join some social groups and have fun. 1
edgygirl Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Agree with all the above and this ˆ go flirt with other women. She's not the last woman on Earth. No one is. There are other interesting people out there although you're obsessing with her right now. It might take a while, but one day you won't even understand why you were so obsessed with her. Surround yourself with other women and flirt. Join some social groups and have fun.
hew Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 As hard as it is, you need to sort of go cold turkey. Wake up one day with a different attitude. Know that it won't be easy, but it will help you get over this low time in your life. Tell yourself everyday you are going to treat your body right. Drink water, eat healthy and exercise. Give that 1 week and I can likely promise you you will feel significantly better. Block her on social media. I know some other people have been saying that. Its good advice. Its hard, it almost feels like that last string your hanging onto. Do it. You don't need to see her with her new relationship and whatever else she is doing. Do your own thing online, focus on close friends and family and follow what their up to. Lastly, I know what its like to miss work when your in a slump. I just recently took a week off work for feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I can agree, it was helpful and much needed. However, my advice is to also go back to work. Push yourself, Focus on your job and your coworkers and get into a working routine. It will make you feel busier and like you have something to do. Sometimes sitting around thinking about it isn't always whats best for ourselves. Push yourself out of your comfort zone right now and know you WILL be okay. You can survive this terrible heartbreak. I know you can. I have done it a few times before and I know how awful it is. But I'm on top of it all now and you can be too All the best on your journey.
Gaeta Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I've done all of first 3 points already. I thought about seeing a shrink because I feel I may need to see one. I'm just afraid this might be too much since it's just a breakup. Then again I've never felt so heartbroken before. Yes it may be just a break up as you said but depending on other factors it could become debilitating therefore you must not take it lightly. What got my attention is that you had to take time off work. Yes a break up is hard and sad but if you are sad to a point you can't function, can't take your shower in the morning, can't make yourself breakfast, can't sleep (or over sleep) if you can't do your laundry, or clean your dishes then yes, you need to see your doctor and you need help.
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