andymit Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) k new gut here HI. been dating a woman now for a little over 2 yrs .GREAT for a while , lately [ a couple o months ] some issues came up . issues which with just a little communication , and compromise could have easily been solved [ no doubt ] RECENTLY she's been cold to me , i ask what's going on ? she tells me ''nothing ''.i notice she's distant towards me . i say '' look i know right now our relationship is rocky '' she agreed said she's frustrated , i said i am also are you ''willing to work on it '' she said '' do you think it can be back to how it was ''? i told her '' if we're both willing and putting in the effort we probably could'' . [ we have spoken to a priest , and a pastor in the past ] good advice it lasted on her end a couple of days ....... NOW i basically knew she was ''seeing another'' we've me up talked i came right out and said '' hun is their another guy , are you interested in someone ? "" i get told '' no this is frustrating i wouldn't add anything else '' .... well i borrowed a friends car one day .she hasn't been calling me , answering my calls etc for a bit , and never home [ though she tells me she's going home has lots to do ] i followed her , she noticed , i left . TODAY she came over wanted to drop off jewellery to me [ just to leave it here so sh don't loose it] [ good excuse huh ] we talk a few she cries we hold hands as we talk i keep my calm . she asked me straight out '' be honest with me now did you have someone follw me the other day IF you lie to me you'll never see me again'' so i said '' i've always been honest with you good or bad and NO i didn't have someone follow you it was me in a buds car .'' when she wants me to be honest i don't have a problem doing so, i don't get that same respect back .we talked some .she said she had a-lot of things to do on her off day [ i did ask about someone else again , got told no ] . K she left ,she lives between my home and the stores , i had to go get dog food about an hour after she left.i'm driving down the street next to her house , i see a motorcycle in her driveway a guy standing next to it , see her come from her yard they both enter the house .even though i knew , seeing crushed me ....AS we we're talking just an hour ago she said '' please don't borrow others cars and follow me it's weird ,creepy and i don't want to hate you '' i said '' i agree and i don't want to hate you i love you and am willing to work on us , even pay for counseling'' . all she wanted to do was get home take care of her task , process what we talked about and what i wrote to her, and call me later .[ she wont i know ] i even offered to go to church with her tomorrow [ she's a church goer] she said '' i may not go to church it's going to be nice out i want to work in my yard'' [ says to me i'm going to be with this new guy and wont be home ] WHY lie to my face about not seeing anyone ? i'm NOT going to be the fall guy if things with him don't work out . i'm NOT going no contact until i tell her to her face what i saw and know [ and i wont believe / accept oh that was a friend / neighbor i just went for a ride] ....i want her to make a decision me or him ??i do have a right to know don't i ? Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed Links ~ V
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 If your level of trust has disintegrated to the point where you have to borrow cars to follow her & then your suspicions pay off, there is much here worth pursing, now is there? 1
Satu Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) You're skating very close to the edge of what can be considered sane. You need to calm down and knock off the spy routine. Edited May 22, 2016 by Satu
preraph Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 Time to just stop seeing her. You ARE getting creepy. She is seeing others and doesn't want to tell you every detail of it -- and frankly, if you get her to get comfortable doing that, then you will end up in the friendzone anyway. She obviously either isn't ready to settle down with one guy, which is perfectly fine, or she knows you're not THE guy. I would tell you to just keep dating her and other women, but not if you're going to stalk her. 1
Author andymit Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 no theirs not much to pursue .all i want is the truth ,she didn't have the decency or respect for me to be honest . NOW i just want to tell her what i know for fact , get her reaction and answer , have her treat me like an adult she's 54 . she knows the right way and wrong way to end a relationship , we could have been amicable and remain kind of friendly towards each other . we live in a small town we're going to run into each other eventually even when she's with this new guy ... KNOW what hurts the most , the disrespect towards me .she's in a relationship with me . some guy talks to her she talks to him ,they exchange numbers , addresses , go to each others houses . GRANTED maybe she never mentioned me to him . i know you can't control other peoples actions . i just don't appreciate being lied to , to my face , and cheated on .i gave her the opportunity to tell me i was calm just asked said '' if theirs something going on just say it make like it's a band aid just rip it off ... WHY lead me on not telling me we're done , it's not working out etc .she would say '' you think we can get it back how it was ? '' '' i miss you , i don't want to hate you '' etc . just let me process what we spoke about , i'm writing things down that are bothering me with the relationship for you maybe you could work on them etc .
Author andymit Posted May 22, 2016 Author Posted May 22, 2016 You're skating very close to the edge of what can be considered sane. You need to calm down and knock off the spy routine. ACTUALLY i met a friend of mine , he has a family member who is a therapist, he's on his way over to bring me to meet him . i am confused theirs all kinds of emotions hitting me at once . 1
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 She's 54 & I'm assuming you two are the same age? Here's the thing, even if she had been inclined to have a civil conversation with you about it at some point, now that you have resorted to following her & are demanding that she tell you the truth, she has written you off as a combative control freak. I am not saying you are those things. I am saying that your behavior in this instance, your insistence, has turned her off so much she won't speak to you. She's dug in & entrenched. Simply because you want it, at this point, she won't give it to you. In the alternative she is simply a liar not worth all this effort. Small town or no, just leave her be. If you walk away without any further drama, you can hold your head up because she was the one who was deceptive. The more you pursue the closer you get to violating anti-stalking & other harassment laws. Then you will come out looking like the nutty one here. 1
spiderowl Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 I can understand you wanting to know the truth if she's not being honest with you. You know now though that she's involved with someone else, or at the very least is spending time with him. As you said yourself, you need to go 'no contact' for your own sake. In the future, there will be someone you can trust. This woman is not the one. I am sorry you had to struggle to find out the truth. Leave her be now and look after yourself.
preraph Posted May 22, 2016 Posted May 22, 2016 no theirs not much to pursue .all i want is the truth ,she didn't have the decency or respect for me to be honest . NOW i just want to tell her what i know for fact , get her reaction and answer , have her treat me like an adult she's 54 . she knows the right way and wrong way to end a relationship , we could have been amicable and remain kind of friendly towards each other . we live in a small town we're going to run into each other eventually even when she's with this new guy ... KNOW what hurts the most , the disrespect towards me .she's in a relationship with me . some guy talks to her she talks to him ,they exchange numbers , addresses , go to each others houses . GRANTED maybe she never mentioned me to him . i know you can't control other peoples actions . i just don't appreciate being lied to , to my face , and cheated on .i gave her the opportunity to tell me i was calm just asked said '' if theirs something going on just say it make like it's a band aid just rip it off ... WHY lead me on not telling me we're done , it's not working out etc .she would say '' you think we can get it back how it was ? '' '' i miss you , i don't want to hate you '' etc . just let me process what we spoke about , i'm writing things down that are bothering me with the relationship for you maybe you could work on them etc . She isn't invested enough in you to feel she owes you anything. Plus you've completely disrespected her by stalking. 1
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