How Can I forget her--since I can't reach out to her

[carnelian]

I am obsessed about a woman I last saw 2 years ago and since I have

given up dating and have no one (and not seeking anyone), I cannot forget her, mainly our conversations and her kindness when I had no one to talk to--and some spark of connection that I still do not understand. I knew her on and off for about 11 years. Her feelings for me were guarded and private. She is also living with someone seriously so I don't dare call or write her.

I want to tell her my feelings but it seems too late and futile. I once sent her a copy of Shakespeare's Love's Labor Lost, as sort of message. Ha ha. It would be weird to send her anything, right?.

 

A hopeless romantic!

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah. That's spooky ooky dooky. Especially if you only TALKED to her about things and never even had a loving/sexual relationship with her.

 

 

It's in times like this when you need to rise up out of your body and appraise yourself from an impartial perspective.

 

 

Do YOU think it's weird? Ask yourself that question deeply.

[seamos]

Do I understand this right?

 

Although you say you've given up dating and are not seeking anyone your interest in her is for romantic reasons.

 

Or is it platonic?

 

If your interest is romantic you might want to focus on someone who is not in a committed relationship.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Do you think the intensity of your feelings might be due to the fact she is unavailable?

 

Be honest with yourself, if she returned your feelings and wanted a relationship and commitment from you, would you still feel the same way?

[spiderowl]

It's really difficult when you feel a connection but the other person doesn't or maybe does but is already in a relationship. Connections are incredibly powerful. I find they are rare too, real connections where you feel you are so in tune with each other.

 

All I can say here is that connections do happen more than once. So you need to realise that is possible and that hanging on to this old connection in your mind is restricting you from new possibilities. I would not date unless you feel that connection again or feel that the potential is there. This does not mean you should rule out dating though.

 

We get hooked on a particular person and it is incredibly hard to shrug it off, in fact I don't think it happens unless other possibilities seem real and we accept that the person we are stuck on is not going to be right for us because of circumstances. If they were right for us, the circumstances would simply not be there: everything would flow and they would be available. Since this is not the case, she is not right for you. You need to accept that forces have combined to make this the wrong match and that the right one is more likely to come along once you have mentally disconnected yourself from the woman you have been stuck on all this time.

Edited May 22, 2016 by spiderowl

[preraph]

You have to accept the fact that although you feel some strong connection with her, her life experiences that led to what she likes in a man do not culminate in loving you back. She is a separate person. Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's reciprocal. I would say most of the time it is one-way, and that's because you don't really know her and are bestowing upon the parts of her you don't know all the elements of the "ideal girl" in your own head. She's not that girl, and no one is that girl.

 

You have already ventured into creepy territory and need to shut it down and use some self-discipline and not let yourself live in your head like that. Good luck.

[Satu]

snip

*it seems too late and futile.

 

*Yes, it is. Obviously.

 

I wonder if you need to go through the grieving process, even though you had very limited interaction with her.

 

Your original post was light-hearted and cheery, but I don't think thats how you really feel.

 

Find yourself a therapist and sort this out.

 

Life can be better than it currently is for you.

 

 

Take care.

[carnelian]

Thanks for replies SpiderOwl Preraph and others.

 

I would grab her in a minute if she was available but she will not be anytime, and since I cannot tell her how I feel, that depresses me. She knows I have feelings for her.

One poster said to think impartialy about it--great idea but I am too enmeshed in this for that now. That's why I asked for advice. I feel that I have lost the LOML but that's only in my head, obviously, not her's. I am much older than I want to admit so I am sure no one else will come along. Anyway, I tend not to trust women because they have let me down too often. Disappointment.

Therapy does not help. I feel that they have no clue no inkling how to help me. You are more sensitive to it than they are.

Should I send her another copy of Love's Labor Lost? Say it is from the Book of the Month Club? lol She doesn't know I have her address.

[preraph]

No, you need to leave her alone. She is taken and you had 11 years for something reciprocal to happen, and it didn't so you need to move on. Sorry.