Time, and time again he's hurt me

[Momofbobokitty]

I need someone to tell me To move on

 

But it's to hard

 

I hAve been seeing a guy for 20 years. During the 20 years we had a 4 year breakup, in that time I ended up getting married and then divorced. During my marriage I still let my daughter see "Greg". ?They are very close and she calls him dad, Bio dad never wanted to be involved. ?I still would talk to Greg, bc of my child, who cared about her more than my husband. After my divorce we became friends again. But that was it. I dated a high school friend for about 1 yr. me and Greg talked the whole time. Then after a while we got back together. ?Keep in mind, I'm a single mother paying all the bills, keeping a roof over our heads, Her Bio dad gave us nothing. We were together again for two years. I thought everything was OK. Then he called me out of the blue, a knife through the heart, and dumped me. Said I don't want anything out of life and I'll never be financially secure. (His best friends wives do very well). So he stared seeing a woman in a powerful position. ?She dumped him in 3 months. But he remained friends with my daughter. He gives her material things, but it is out of love. Now, after seeing each other again, it happened again, no warning. Moved a girl in with him. For him to move someone in, it must be serious. But he only knew her for 2 weeks. She is older than him, and moved right in after her divorce. ?He will take take my calls, he bought my daughter a 450 race Quad. I believe I have a right to know this. I tried calling him again bc he holds my car title, he didn't answer or return my call. He ignores me like I never existed. All his friends, co-workers and even my daughter said no what this is gonna last. She is ten years older than him and very annoying. A face talker. But he likes her because she has a to die for body. He never tolerated a heavy girl, he said they just need to be skinny, and u can put a bag over her face. I'm 50yrs old, weigh 110 lbs, and, as I've been told I don't look my age, even that I'm way more attractive than her. I've always took care of my skin, and I look a lot younger than I am. Everyone thinks I have a great personality, I'm funny, have strong beliefs, BUT I STILL DONT MAKE ALOT OF MONEY.

I am heart sick, he is my soul mate. I believe he's gonna get sick of this girl, very fast. She has two children in their 30's, I doubt she is gonna put up with Emily having a relationship with him for very long. He spends a lot of money on her. I think she is just holding on to him right now bc of all the things he owns. But what woman would stand for her ex girlfriends kid hanging around his garage everyday. They laugh together and have fun. ?People have told me he isn't that into her.

NOW WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME NOT TO WAIT FOR THEM TO BREAKUP AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE? I spend every day crying my eyes out. I still love him even after what he has done to me. At 50years I just don't know how to move on.

[Cherryz]

Reading this topic i was like: you are 20 years old or you have been waiting 20 years for someone that is not even into you?

I had to read this few times. haha

 

I really dont understand that you feel the need to keep your child in touch with a man that is not his father. It looks concerned! How old is your child?

 

Also i think its big time disrespect to keep this going on while you are married. Specially if it was in secret.

This all sound very superficial to me. And nothing serious based on real interest and emotions.

 

It sound like you and him are using your kid as a toy/tool to keep contact with each other or something.

Or you do it for the gifts he give you and your kid?

Other then you made it a need for your child to want to or have to see this man that is not even his father, there is nothing real and true between you and this dude.

 

You wish it was because you keep holding to false hope.

And maybe afraid to get to know other new people, so you hang on what you know and feels comfort.

But i think you need to realize you are already very aged and you are wasting your years on false hope still.

This guy is enjoying his life. But all you can do is : busy spying on him.

 

Its very sad to see. You are not a teen anymore. Accept reality and move on. Date people that are really interested in you. And leave the materialistic and superficial mindset behind.

And also spent time and focus on your kid. And the possibility of her get to know her real dad. Or at least send him some pics to see how his child have become.

Waste time on useful stuff.

[Cherryz]

He is not hurting you. He told you clearly no and goodbye.

 

But its you that keep spying on him and what he do and get hurt by it.

Solution is simple: stop doing it!

[TaraMaiden2]

He is not your soul-mate. Get that idiotic notion out of your head, because there is no such thing.

Soul-mates exist for each other, and each other, only. Nothing can keep them apart, and they vow to be together in death as in life.

I can't for one nanosecond even begin to visualise this as something between 'soul-mates'.

You are as much to blame for this mess as he is.

you enable a connection that is clearly dysfunctional, yet in your needy and desperate fog, you have come to believe that he is it, and all of it, and nobody else will do.

 

Nobody needs to talk you out of it.

You already know you need to quit.

If you already know, then why not just quit?

 

Why keep making excuses, allowances and rationalising this through your daughter?

Don't use her as a link.

That's just distasteful.

 

Read the NC Guide (see the link in my signature).

 

Read it, copy, paste and print it. As may copies as possible. Paste them on every single wall and surface in your living space, hang a complete copy in your rest-room, and keep a copy in your purse at all times.

Read, mark, inwardly digest and memorise.

 

And quit being so weak.

You're a grown woman, a mother, apparently young of heart, attractive and definitely someone else's ideal.

Stop wasting your time on this.

 

Get a grip, grab your life, and live it.

 

You never know how much of it you have left.

 

You want to waste whatever time you have on this rubbish??

 

How's that? Talked you out of it?

[SixxChick]

Read it, copy, paste and print it. As may copies as possible. Paste them on every single wall and surface in your living space, hang a complete copy in your rest-room, and keep a copy in your purse at all times.

Read, mark, inwardly digest and memorise.

 

Do this.

 

I did.

 

That is my only advice.

Edited May 21, 2016 by SixxChick

[AT15]

He is not your soul-mate. Get that idiotic notion out of your head, because there is no such thing.

Soul-mates exist for each other, and each other, only. Nothing can keep them apart, and they vow to be together in death as in life.

I can't for one nanosecond even begin to visualise this as something between 'soul-mates'.

You are as much to blame for this mess as he is.

you enable a connection that is clearly dysfunctional, yet in your needy and desperate fog, you have come to believe that he is it, and all of it, and nobody else will do.

 

Nobody needs to talk you out of it.

You already know you need to quit.

If you already know, then why not just quit?

 

Why keep making excuses, allowances and rationalising this through your daughter?

Don't use her as a link.

That's just distasteful.

 

Read the NC Guide (see the link in my signature).

 

Read it, copy, paste and print it. As may copies as possible. Paste them on every single wall and surface in your living space, hang a complete copy in your rest-room, and keep a copy in your purse at all times.

Read, mark, inwardly digest and memorise.

 

And quit being so weak.

You're a grown woman, a mother, apparently young of heart, attractive and definitely someone else's ideal.

Stop wasting your time on this.

 

Get a grip, grab your life, and live it.

 

You never know how much of it you have left.

 

You want to waste whatever time you have on this rubbish??

 

How's that? Talked you out of it?

 

Damn...this hit home

[Satu]

This Soul Mate thing can be really unhealthy for some people.

 

Sometimes it goes as far as being a full-blown delusion.

 

 

People.

 

 

Thats what we are.

 

Just people, trying to get along...

[RocketQueen]

If you're asking for people to tell you to let go, I suspect you're not going to anyway. It is hard. I have just recently let go of my ex- completely and have many times when I have to fight the fear of what I am doing and found myself softening and thinking maybe by letting go I am wasting a possible chance for us. The mind can play awful tricks on us.

 

After 20 years of going back and forth you have a lot of behaviours that are ingrained into you, so it will be a battle in itself to change your mindset and way of thinking.

 

Both of you seem to focus and add value to things that in the right relationship are irrelevant.

 

If his current relationship doesn't work out, he probably will be back but unfortunately not for love but because you let him back. Time and time again.

 

We can fool ourselves that people who seem to find a way back together are destined to be together but if it hasn't worked after a couple of years...let alone 20, it never will.

 

Walk away. See yourself as worthy of love from someone else.

[Satu]

There is an element of "It must be love, because it hurts so much," in this.

[anika99]

First of all, i wonder if maybe you are somewhat depressed or hormonal. At 50 you are likely experiencing menopausal or premenopausal symptoms. I have just turned 50 and I know I sometimes get depressed and feel like I have nothing to look forward to and other times I feel on top of the world. Make sure you are taking care of yourself physically and mentally.

 

Now about this guy; he has made it pretty clear that he's not into you and he doesn't sound very desirable as a life partner anyways. From what I understood of your post he has dumped you at least twice so he could chase other women. It seems to me that he likes playing the field and does not want to be tied down. He also sounds materialistic and shallow. On the other hand you sound like you base a lot of your self worth on being attractive and men, which has allowed this guy to walk all over your heart for years.

 

I don't think you are being driven by love, I think you are being driven by some twisted need to have this man validate you. He is not your soul mate, he has treated you poorly and hurt you. Instead of walking away years ago you somehow turned this into competing with other women and you are desperate to win. I think if you took your ego and his other girlfriends out of the mix you would easily get over him.

 

Stop looking at him like he holds the key to your happiness. He doesn't. You hold that key and it's on you to find your own happiness.

[mrldii]

...NOW WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME NOT TO WAIT FOR THEM TO BREAKUP AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE?...

 

 

You just did.

 

 

The rest of us concur.

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...