elmo3334 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 So there's this girl who's really sweet and maybe shy. We would bump into each other at work and chat a bit, but not more than a minute or so because it always was very busy (no flirting was involved) Her last day at work she left some important documents on my desk and left. When I finally got around to them I discovered she had left a small piece of paper with her name and number on it. I was actually pretty surprised because this had never happened before to me. So after a few days I called her up and we went for coffee. It went well, but it seemed I would initiate most of the conversation. She also mentioned she had some personal issues going on that period several times. Now I have to say I'm not experienced when it comes to dating (this was my first ever) so when I payed for the coffee and walked her to the place she was going to meet her sister (it was in my direction so I offered) because I was still very uncertain of my feelings I didn't initiate a second date idea. We simply kissed on the cheeks (common friendly greeting in my country) and went our separate ways. Now, I decided I was truly uncertain of my feelings but would like to go out with her one more time. On the other hand I felt like I should give her a way out if she didn't feel the same. So I texted her the next day (late hours) telling her how much I enjoyed talking to her and I thanked her for finding the time to see me even though she was preoccupied with other affairs (I never knew what they were; it didn't seem right to ask on a first date) and wished her well on the matter. And afterwards I told her I would be "receptive" (that's as close a word as I can find to what I said in my language) of another outing with her if she found the time and wanted to. She responded likewise and said she would like to talk to me again when her personal affairs allow her to. After a couple weeks I texted her again wishing her happy Easter she responded likewise, but I was hoping we might initiate a conversation (I guess it was my mistake I didn't attempt it myself). It's been a month since our date. I really have no experience in dating and I'm afraid I blew it. This was my first date ever as I mentioned after all, so I really would have liked it to be a nice experience. Don't get me wrong; it went fine, but I thought I would feel something more than just confused and that would help me make a decision and suggest a second date. Didn't happen though. Is this normal? Plus I expected to spark a conversation with her after I sent her a text wishing her Happy Easter which she responded to in the same manner and never initiated something else. If she was interested wouldn't she? I think I will contact her one last time, just cause I have to be certain of her feelings to move on. Should I do this via phone or text though? It's been a month and I don't know how smoothly a phone call would go. What would you suggest I say to her? Please help! Thanks in advance! I'm a 28 year old male; she's a 23 year old female. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 No, do not contact her. That just reeks of 'needy and desperate'. I think her actions make it abundantly clear that she's not interested. If she was forward enough to leave her name and 'phone number on your desk, she will be forward enough to touch base with you again, in future if she wants to. But don't hold your breath on that. leave her be. There's nothing to see here.... Move on. 4
Satu Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 She sees you as an acquaintance and nothing more than that. Don't get your hopes up too high. 2
Erik30 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) I don't think you messed up on your date, it just didn't work out for some reason. If she was interested, she would have called you when she finally was available. (Like you said) She also hasn't texted you once since that date, other than the two times you initiated. You could try and suggest something with a definate date, time, and place, but it wouldn't surprise me if she was "too busy." Might be best to move on. Next time don't wait weeks to ask for a second date. The girl will probably assume you're not interested. Edited May 21, 2016 by Erik30 2
Porter56 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Yeah you need to let this one go. Same thing happened to me at work: a girl giving me her number. These things get weird and complicated and are very hard to make them work. She doesn't sound like she's interested so move on and find someone else. 2
truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 This has happened to me before, particularly with younger women. They show flashes of strong interest and then suddenly drop off the radar. Usually what has happened, we go out and there's no chemistry. I think she was very attracted to you but then when you guys went out there were no sparks and that initial attraction went away. 2
Author elmo3334 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 Thank you guys for all the help and advice. I agree on all the good points you have made me aware of through your experiences and I will try to put them into good use. Unfortunately, I just saw theses posts so I didn't use them all when I contacted her, but I felt like I should share with you an update, since you so kindly went out of the way to help me. I figured it would be rude not to. I sent her a message yesterday telling her I was thinking about her and I asked how she was doing. She responded she was doing well herself but still busy, mentioning here family issue (this time clarifying it was her grandmothers health). She also asked how I was doing. I then responded back wishing here grandmother well and proceeded to apologize for not getting in touch with her earlier due to some issues myself. I then emphasized that I didn't forget her. She said it was OK and that she had personal affairs anyways, wishing me well on my own issues. I followed up by lightening the mood with a funny remark about my job without her being around anymore (here internship had finished there) and she responded in the same funny tone. Finally I told her I would really like to see here again this week if she could find the time. Now I don't like reading too much into text (that's probably why it was better to call as you suggested) but her response was very short and I think it didn't mirror my enthusiasm. She basically said "OK" and stopped the conversation by saying - in free translation from my language - "See ya!". To tell you the truth I was just happy I set myself out there about my intentions and wasn't really that bothered (after all she at least responded). So I just messaged back to her saying that whenever she finds the time she can text me and we can plan something. I then ended the conversation by wishing here a good evening. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's safe to say I shouldn't wait to hear from here again. I'm sure I've made many mistakes on my first attempt, but I hope I learn from them and proceed to make new ones.... just joking! Seriously though, I'm really glad I got out there and that I tried. This has been a great learning experience for me and thank you again guys for helping out. P.S. Any mistakes I made when texting here please feel free and point them out to me. I love learning!
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 The only mistake that I can see is that you text instead of talk. You have her number. It's a phone. Talking is far better in these situations. You can't hide behind an emoticon while talking.... 1
Larryville Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Should I call/text her after a month? Ok I thought this was a joke… No, do not contact her. That just reeks of 'needy and desperate'. I think her actions make it abundantly clear that she's not interested. Seriously?! Someone has to explain this… AFTER A MONTH? I sent her a message yesterday telling her I was thinking about her… So you put your life on hold pinning after someone who clearly was not interested? Alrighty then...
Author elmo3334 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) Hey man! I'm new at this. After all, this was my first date ever. You don't have to be harsh... That said though, I still value your opinion and will clearly never make the same mistakes again. Edited May 24, 2016 by elmo3334
Larryville Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 elmo, not meant to be harsh, and to be honest not even specifically directed at you. There are hundreds of people on this site who post questions like yours in situations where the “lack of attraction” or interest is crystal clear… yet people waste so much valuable time chasing after the unattainable, uninterested or people who frankly are not worth the chase. If folks are chasing after someone who is not interested in them some soul searching needs to be done as to why. That speaks to lack of value in yourself and people MUST explore the cause of that. Exactly why when many of us use the phrase “MOVE ON” is as simple and powerful response many of us can give. I'm just saying value yourself more so that you don't waste time looking for the right person. Life is too short for that.
Author elmo3334 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) Ok I thought this was a joke… Seriously?! Someone has to explain this… AFTER A MONTH? So you put your life on hold pinning after someone who clearly was not interested? Alrighty then... elmo, not meant to be harsh, and to be honest not even specifically directed at you. There are hundreds of people on this site who post questions like yours in situations where the “lack of attraction” or interest is crystal clear… yet people waste so much valuable time chasing after the unattainable, uninterested or people who frankly are not worth the chase. If folks are chasing after someone who is not interested in them some soul searching needs to be done as to why. That speaks to lack of value in yourself and people MUST explore the cause of that. Exactly why when many of us use the phrase “MOVE ON” is as simple and powerful response many of us can give. I'm just saying value yourself more so that you don't waste time looking for the right person. Life is too short for that. Thanks for clarifying. I just felt because it was my first date and I am lacking much of experience that maybe I should have done things differently that's all. I'm not pining because I feel something for her that she clearly doesn't feel for me, nor am I chasing her. Just thought maybe I should give it a second chance. She's a nice girl. I didn't feel the chemistry though and I think she didn't feel it either. Was that a good enough reason to not have a second date? I didn't know the answer to that so I asked you guys. Edited May 24, 2016 by elmo3334
Author elmo3334 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 Just a small update before this thread is declared officially closed. I texted here again 2 days later suggesting a time and place to an event I thought would be nice to go to. Unfortunately she turned it down graciously, due to obligations at her village, without suggesting a possible meeting afterwards. I want to thank you all again for helping me out. I'll try to put into action everything that this encounter and you have taught me so far and next time I feel I'll do better because of your feedback. Thank you again for everything! P.S. One thing that really bugs me though is that she made the first move, and I probably really messed up to make her dislike me on our first one on one encounter. What I mean is that I assume it's easier when someone's already in to you to develop a relationship that when you have to work up to that point first.What can I say! I guess I have to improve a lot!
tinkerbell16 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Just a small update before this thread is declared officially closed. I texted here again 2 days later suggesting a time and place to an event I thought would be nice to go to. Unfortunately she turned it down graciously, due to obligations at her village, without suggesting a possible meeting afterwards. I want to thank you all again for helping me out. I'll try to put into action everything that this encounter and you have taught me so far and next time I feel I'll do better because of your feedback. Thank you again for everything! P.S. One thing that really bugs me though is that she made the first move, and I probably really messed up to make her dislike me on our first one on one encounter. What I mean is that I assume it's easier when someone's already in to you to develop a relationship that when you have to work up to that point first.What can I say! I guess I have to improve a lot! Nah... don't beat yourself up. It's a learning experience and you are young. Look at it like an adventure and never take rejection too personally. Not everyone is right for everyone and it's a normal part of dating. Natural filtering if you will
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't. Don't worry too much... It's a good experience for you and it will be different next time. One suggestion, don't worry too much about the first date. People are always nervous and never really themselves. You will not see who she "really" is on the first date, so don't be afraid to go out for another date or two if you feel even a spark of interest. Don't look for something "magical" because you probably won't feel it on the first date... One of my friends asks me everytime... "Do you like her enough to go out again." That's all you need to ask yourself. And if the answer is even a possible yes, give it another chance. You will be surprised, especially for people who don't have much experience dating, how much more relaxed and enjoyable that second date will be. Then, you decide if you like her... Enough to see her again;)
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