privategal Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I feel embarrased for you reading this. His response says he wants nothing to do with you...no updates, messages...nothing. Im so sorry to be harsh but you need to hear it straight...it sounds very desperate and any contact civil or not will be seen as AWFUL. 2
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 He basically used you as a crutch and a FWB leading up to his divorce, now he is divorced he doesn't need you any longer, as he plans to be a Casanova on POF. Of course as a man in his fifties it may not pan out as well as he hopes, so he may be back knocking on your door again... If I were you I would make sure I was not available to him as any Plan B. - he has treated you despicably here. 2
Author Sunnymae Posted May 23, 2016 Author Posted May 23, 2016 What does FWB stand for? I'm new here and trying to navigate with a iPhone 5
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 What does FWB stand for? I'm new here and trying to navigate with a iPhone 5 Sorry, a friend with benefits.
William Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Folks, we merged three threads on a similar topic, a breakup, and there may be some duplication of content. Please continue the discussion of this breakup in this thread. FWB = Friends with Benefits = casual sex partner Thanks!
Simon Phoenix Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 I Know, I F**** up. The reference to crashing there was that he's going out of town I would be there watching his household what was I thinking!!! It was a Big mistake!! He has locks on his doors. He doesn't need you there, and you certainly don't need to be there. It was a lame excuse to try to talk to him. It happens, learn your lesson and don't do it again.
BikerAccnt Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Think to yourself, why do you want someone in your life who can so casually discard you? It appears to me he cares nothing for your feeling, maybe never did. This guy gives us guys a bad image. I'm in my 50's too, and just recently ended things with my ex GF who treated me poorly, but nowhere near this poorly. I went NC, and you need to also. It wasn't easy at first. But coming up on 60days NC, and things are much easier, and the blinders have been lifted from my eyes. You need to do this for, you. 2
privategal Posted May 23, 2016 Posted May 23, 2016 Now reading the rest of the threads, Id seek counseling right away. I have the feeling you were involved with a narcissist but this word gets thrown ariund alot and its easy to 'diagnose' people from a distance without the full story. Its clear you were certainly used. What a cruel treatment you received. It should be so easy to go Nc and never reach out or reply ever again but your self esteem and self perception are very damaged. This guy is super creepy and low. He thinks at 50 he can have his choice of women. Wait until he finds out the type of trainwrecks out there trolling the web for dates. He deserves a good reality check. He is no prize and you should be glad he doesnt want you. You are too good for him. Block and run and never look back. Omg. 1
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Here is the first email I sent:On May 23, 2016 6:47 AM, I wrote this: You must be excited about your upcoming travel plans. How did the protest go? Send me any videos you have. I'm excited about my up coming travel plans as well. I'm traveling to Tennessee to spend a weekend with a friend, and do some sightseeing. I've reconnected with an old friend. How's it going with your fishy, did you find any keepers yet? Who's going to be watching your house? I was looking forward to crashing out there a couple of times but I guess that's a negative. Anyway, for the sake of history and what we do have in common Heart Disease. I will let by gone be by gone. I saw a pic of your daughter on Instagram, and she looks so much like Jean! Omg what a cutie. Give them a hug for me. I know you get melancholy so I won't send it, unless you want me to. Anyway have a safe trip. Take care His reply. From my perspective, nothing has changed. You are still sleeping with dogs, and I am still single and looking. Nothing's changed? ( Explanation of why he wrote that is Because one of the reasons he gave for breaking up was that we didn't have much in common. I like dogs he doesn't I wrote this: I was just trying to see how you were doing, I mean I'm not a cold heartless person, I wasn't trying for anything more. Only give me the key if you feel comfortable. I never thought or asked because I wanted to get back in your bed, I'm past that. I just reached out because I hated how we just ended it. I'm now ready to move on. I promise there are no romantic intentions in me reaching out to you. I'm sorry I made you feel there were. (Tbh By now I'm really hurting, but I'm trying to keep it civil and not let on how I really feel. I'm trying to bow out intact) He Wrote: I have no problem giving you a key, but I don't know my weekend plans yet. (I'm really hurting now. He's probably going out with one of the girls from "Plenty of Fish app") ( I'm trying to not be emotional and I wrote the following: I wrote: I'm available to meet with you on Friday. We could meet in the parking lot and you could just hand them over. Don't you have to come home after work anyway? It's up to you. I can wait in the parking lot, and you can hand them to me. I already know about checking the a/c you can leave written instructions for me. If its not convenient, then no big deal. I was going to meet Sandy Friday anyway, I'm not making a special trip to get your keys. No Worries. Just let me know . ( by now I'm really regretting I Contacted him) I'm heartbroken Updates to the thread: I contacted my Ex. I need on how to bow out gracefully I told him I wanted to avoid traffic, and asked if it was okay to come over at noon and hang out till my girlfriend got off of work, and then her and I were going out. He said that would work and that he would be there around noon to let me in and fix lunch. So yes, it was an excuse to see him but also avoid rush hour traffic. I'll be seeing him in the afternoon, and then the following week he'll be gone for two months. So I'll start my NC again after Friday. Truthfully, I'm excited about Friday but also apprehensive, I haven't forgotten what a monster he is. But, I want to enjoy this very brief visit, so I'll temporarily not think about it. I hope he doesn't say anything hurtful, and I hope I don't get emotional. And then after Friday I will try the NC again. That's actually how I quit smoking. I tried a few times, before I finally was able to kick the habit. I'm starting to see him as an addiction that I need to kick. And addictions with awfully painful withdrawals.
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 (edited) Updates to the thread: I contacted my Ex. I need on how to bow out gracefully I told him I wanted to avoid traffic, and asked if it was okay to come over at noon and hang out till my girlfriend got off of work, and then her and I were going out. He said that would work and that he would be there around noon to let me in and fix lunch. So yes, it was an excuse to see him but also avoid rush hour traffic. I'll be seeing him in the afternoon, and then the following week he'll be gone for two months. So I'll start my NC again after Friday. Truthfully, I'm excited about Friday but also apprehensive, I haven't forgotten what a monster he is. But, I want to enjoy this very brief visit, so I'll temporarily not think about it. I hope he doesn't say anything hurtful, and I hope I don't get emotional. And then after Friday I will try the NC again. That's actually how I quit smoking. I tried a few times, before I finally was able to kick the habit. I'm starting to see him as an addiction that I need to kick. And addictions with awfully painful withdrawals. At what point do you start to feel terribly disgusted at the way he treated you? At what point do you feel your skin crawl at the way this man devalued you? Do you think he doesn't see your desperation? These silly excuses you make up -- you don't think he sees through it? Your attempt to make silly excuses to see him is clearly evident to him. It only makes you look weaker in his eyes. That is not attractive. There's no need to bow out gracefully. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make to him in that you possibly think if you show him how composed you are, he'll retain his value for you. The thing is, he doesn't respect you and is likely putting up with you. Pick up whatever self-respect you have left and NC. Don't see him on Friday. Yes, he is an addiction but at least make a concerted effort and attempt to protect yourself. Three pages of advice -- the next time you want to do something like this, come here and let someone talk you off the ledge. Stop making these bad choices and then coming on LS to inquire about how best to reverse those bad choices. Edited May 25, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 This afternoon I sent a text asking if I should bring over some astro glide and he said no. It got so bad a begged. Then I came to my sense. And said the following:Okay. Delete me from your contacts. No need to check up on me, I'm not your mother. And we can't be friends, because we have nothing in common Now I'm so worried I suppose to meet my girlfriend in that area. I'm so sad.., I need to start moving forward.
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 This afternoon I sent a text asking if I should bring over some astro glide and he said no. It got so bad a begged. Then I came to my sense. And said the following:Okay. Delete me from your contacts. No need to check up on me, I'm not your mother. And we can't be friends, because we have nothing in common Now I'm so worried I suppose to meet my girlfriend in that area. I'm so sad.., I need to start moving forward. There you go. This is the lowest you can go. Astro glide? Ugh. Are you even reading the advice? Are do you just like hurting yourself? I'm sorry OP. You've devalued yourself. There's nowhere else to go but down in his eyes. Go meet your friend in another area. It's a big world out there. Go sit in a restaurant to burn time/avoid traffic. Stop this insanity. 1
JADIE Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 This afternoon I sent a text asking if I should bring over some astro glide and he said no. It got so bad a begged. Then I came to my sense. And said the following:Okay. Delete me from your contacts. No need to check up on me, I'm not your mother. And we can't be friends, because we have nothing in common Now I'm so worried I suppose to meet my girlfriend in that area. I'm so sad.., I need to start moving forward. My god woman...how much degradation are you capable of? I STRONGLY second the advice given earlier to seek counselling for yourself. It is absolutely sick to offer up sex to a man who doesn't give two shyts whether you're in his life & has made it clear he doesn't want you in his life in any way shape or form! Never mind the damage he has done to you...open your eyes and see how terribly you are damaging yourself with this behavior!! Please, for the love of all that's holy, stop this now! It hurts me to read this thread... 1
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I'm in the south Florida area. Can any one out there recommend anyone. Thank you.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Can anyone it there recommend a counselor in the Ft Lauderdale area. I need help.
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Can anyone it there recommend a counselor in the Ft Lauderdale area. I need help. Go online and do some research on therapists in your area. Start taking notes and making calls. Most times you'll have to go through trial and error with finding the one that fits. If you have had friends or family that have seeked counselling, ask if they have recommendations. You can even check with you doctor or if you have insurance, they will be able to provide a listing of in-network providers. Your place of work may also offer EAP services and usually the first five visits are free. There are many options out there -- you just have to invest your efforts in doing the work to find the help that you need. 1
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Before, Sending him the last text basically asking to delete me from His contacts, and that there was no need to check up on me, and no I'm not your friend. So I'm still wondering how he changed his mind about us so fast. Wow! A guy told me that this is what men do when they think they want someone else. Is this true? Also, per the suggestion of others on here, I've started calling around for a counselor/therapist I'm not sure which is best for my issues. But in the meantime, I hope that I don't get booted or kicked off this site. Thank you for all the advise. I should have listened
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Before, Sending him the last text basically asking to delete me from His contacts, and that there was no need to check up on me, and no I'm not your friend. So I'm still wondering how he changed his mind about us so fast. Wow! A guy told me that this is what men do when they think they want someone else. Is this true? Of course he wants someone else. He blatantly told you he was on POF while you were still his girlfriend. What did you think he was doing on a dating site? Please block him from contacting you.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I know, I just kept hoping. I must have lowselfesteem. I'm 50 and sometimes even being with bad company is better than no company. But now that I came out and told him I would respect him if he was honest. And he was probably first time, and he said "We are done" there are no mixed messages there. That is the nail on the coffin. Never again will I contact him, and I think I made it clear to him to do the same. Selfish monster. He even said one time before the breakup. What kind of monster would I be if I left you. I thought he was kidding.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Thank you for responding. Unfortunately, I did what felt right, and regretting now.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I'm starting over and this time I think I'll succeed, if he doesn't contact me. Since he said he's done, I doubt he will. Wow!
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Thank you for responding. Unfortunately, I did what felt right, and regretting now. The next time you have an urge to contact him, come here and post it and let people talk you out of making a bad move. You did it not because it felt right but because you were desperately trying to do whatever you could to make him come your way. You made some bad choices and in a way, this is a good thing because you now have to close the door. There's no other way. You have to accept it's over and start taking the steps to work on yourself. 2
Zahara Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I'm starting over and this time I think I'll succeed, if he doesn't contact me. Since he said he's done, I doubt he will. Wow! If you want to succeed, block him. These types may come around sniffing when they need attention or sex. And since you offered it to him, he knows you're weak.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 (edited) Now they decided that only a handful of drivers need the training today and tomorrow and I'm not one of them. So if you want to come spend some friend time tomorrow, let me know! :-) I will not have regular midday breaks after that. Xofxofxofxof. Notice the XOF above omg I'm shacking. Why is he doing this help!! What do I do?? He sent me that after I wrote the following: I Am Okay with not being your friend. I know you didn't say that. I did. Please delete me from your contacts. [He] wrote:I Am Okay with not being your friend. I know you didn't say that. I did. Please delete me from your contacts. Edited May 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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