sky81 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Hello, I'm 24, and I've been in a relationship for 10 months with a fantastic girl, who is 17. I just graduated college and she just graduated high school. She is very mature for her age or else I wouldn't have gone for it!! I am very open-minded and so is she but we still have a lot of traditional values. I'm atheistic and more rational then emotional whereas she is a Jehovahs Witness and more emotional then rational. So we kinda fit like the ying-yang, we're the necessary balance in each other's lives. Anyway, more to the point. My girlfriend now wants to live by herself, in a completely different state and 2,000 miles away from me "to have her own experiences". I'm living in Maine, and she's from Maine too, but she has a lot of family in Florida, so that's where she wants to move to live for a few months. After she graduated, she came and stayed with me in my apartment for about 5 days. We both agreed to this because we knew it would be a great test if we could live together or not. During that time I got the feeling she was always so bored, because she comes from a very dramatic family that could make a huge drama scene out of nothing - if a tree fell in a forest, and no one was around to hear it or see it, they could still make it a big dramatic event. Her mom is extremely crazy (thinks she's psychic) and I have to deal with that and it pisses me off a lot, but I get the feeling her mom provides her with the drama, "something to do", in her life, cause I know she's not bored when she's at home. Her mom makes everything overly dramatic and it's really annoying. She also likes to interfere in out relationship a lot. Now she wants to move to Florida and support herself. At first I was really hurt cause she kept emphasizing that she wanted space, and I knew that she meant she wanted space from me. I was taking it too personally. I know it's good for her though to experience her own things, have her own job, and experience some kind of independence to find out who she is - just like I had the chance to do when I went to college. I don't want to deprive her of that chance, but I guess I am worried about one thing and that is during all of this partying, having fun, etc, her feelings will change for me or she'll meet some other guy while she has "space" from me. She's moving into her brother's house in Florida - not exactly 100% independence. I've told her that it's a lot different living by yourself, and living with your family, even though she is out of her parents house when she moves to Florida. I think that she won't get the same kind of independence and stuff living with her family as opposed to living by herself, or apart from her family. So my question is: Am I being wrong for thinking that living with any part of her family won't help her to be more independent, or is it OK to live at her brother's house temporarily while having a job, etc?
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Isn't part of Her being independent Making her own choices, and the dealing with the consequences of her actions? How will she ever learn for herself if you are trying to "assist" her all the time? It really has nothing to do with you, there in maine, where she lives (with out you and doing her own thing), there in florida. "Space" is another way of saying.."let's be friends"..... or basically, i care for you, but not romantically anymore. To me, it sounds like she HAS grown, and you are just not a part of her new life......sorry.
Sal Paradise Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 She's only 17, its understandable that she wants to find out who she is before settling down. Its also understandable that you being 24 don't want to wait around for that. The truth is the relationship is probably doomed. When she moves away she will probably encounter new people and new interest. She will change. Her feelings will most likely change toward you. She could even cheat while she is down there (a common thing with college students in Long Distance Relationships). The best thing to do is to break up with her. She's young and is still finding herself, she doesn't even know who she is yet. Break up with her and go with limited contact while she is away. Move on. If you're meant to be you may both find your way back to each other. This is why you should be careful when dating someone that young. I'd suggest dating someone who is at least over 20. Its not always about maturity. Someone that young changes a lot between 17 and 21. And that age people change year to year. You're both at difference points in your life and want difference things. It sucks but there isn't anything you can do about it. Better to break up now on good terms, than to be really hurt later when it all falls apart.
froggytroat Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 When a girl wants space, she's dumping you, and just does not have the nerve to tell you. Consider yourself launched. That's harsh, but true. That's what these other people want to tell you, but they are being nice, just like your girlfriend.
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