kumar123 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 (edited) I had a first date yesterday that went pretty well. We met randomly at a pub on a tour about a week or so ago. He asked me out and we had a nice date yesterday and he took me to a really nice place. Here's the thing. I'm used to dating the quiet, introvert, listener type guys. This guy seems pretty confident, charismatic. He's the type to make jokes with strangers and clearly likes to make people smile. This has been very obvious from the 2 times we met. Our date went really well but some things happened that didn't rub me the wrong way but have been making me think. He asked me some really random questions. 1. Why are you single? You are X, Y and Z, why is a girl like you single? 2. What are your views on porn? 3. What are your views on marriage? 4. He made comments like, "you seem pretty transparent." (Which can be an insult or compliment depending on his intentions) 5. When was your last relationship? Then he mentioned, Im just checking you have been in LTR before I'm a very open and blunt person so I handled these questions well and called him out on it and told him it was a bit odd. I turned it into a joke and we bantered about it. He also said some statements that seemed a bit much for a first date. Like he mentioned jokingly, "Do you want me to **** you into this couch?" or something to that effect. I asked him an random question like do you like to hunt.He replies with, "I like to hunt women" and then laughed afterwards like it was an obvious joke. I'll admit that jokes like this are appropriate in relationships or friends, but I've never started joking like that during a first date. Even a third date would be fine, it just seemed a little much for a first date. He's a really likable person which is why I think these questions or comments didn't bother me but I did want to get your thoughts. He does want a second date and he didn't try for a kiss or even try to have sex, so I didn't feel pressure to do anything. It was just odd as his questions were a bit much for a first date and he seems charismatic to know that those questions might be a bit much for a first date. However, I'd like another opinion as I know some people might view these questions as normal to ask during the first date. Edited May 20, 2016 by kumar123
ChickiePops Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I would have been creeped out by most of his questions, especially the porn and the ****ing you into the couch one..but..to each her own I guess? It's really up to you whether or not you find this tolerable. 3
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Well one would think player, but he could be looking for certain type of woman that likes his sense of humor, has np with porn, is willing to be his dirty girl, etc. It seems he is doing a personality test lol. Maybe he is particular about who he wants to date and this is his way of cutting through the bs. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Apart from the question about porn, I don't think his questions were all that out of line. I tend to jump in with similar questions if only to gauge whether or not we're on the same page about certain things. I'd rather know sooner than later but that goes to my age more than anything. Not sure how old you two are. As for the rest of it, he sounds like he's a bit cocky but it could be that he's just overcompensating and trying to be "funny" although it's all subject to interpretation. It's hard to tell anything after one date. If you like him despite everything than give him another chance and see how that goes. You should get a better sense of his personality at that time. First dates are always awkward after all. Good luck. 3
katiegrl Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Do you like porn? Do you want me to **** you into this couch? Joking or not, that second would have sent me to the DOOR, not the couch. And I love f***Ing! But a little much for a first date IMO. Next. Just me. 5
truth_seeker Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 He's a really likable person which is why I think these questions or comments didn't bother me but I did want to get your thoughts. He does want a second date and he didn't try for a kiss or even try to have sex, so I didn't feel pressure to do anything. These questions did bother you because you are here posting about them looking for advice and answers... this guy gave you a glimpse into what you can expect if you get more involved with him. He likes porn. He likes f-cking on the couch. Most porn (not that I watch it a lot ) is banging on a couch. This guy is looking for slam p-g and is using his used car salesman charm on you. Second Date: he'll bring you roses, take you out on a romantic date, hold your hand, make you feel like the only girl in the world... then you agree to go to his place... sit on his couch and he'll suggest watching a "movie"... oh, it's porn! Hit the music! Just make sure he has no hidden camera's video taping you guys. 1
Mrin Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I am a very confident extrovert myself and back when I was dating I made it a policy to make sure the conversation on the first date or two was "real". Like let's not screw around here and be very direct about thing that make us compatible or incompatible. I could see myself asking all of those questions with the exception of the porn thing. That's odd but he might have date a porn nazi type woman and wanted to make sure you weren't one. The banter on the couch is really odd. Honestly, it is a self inflicted error. If he were smart he could have just stretched out on the couch and said something more charming like, "OMG I love this couch. So cozy. We could totally make out for hours on it", and let your mind do the rest. He just might be an odd duck. See how he acts on date #2 2
Miss Peach Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 The couch comment was the main one that would bother me. It would make me think he put my in the FB category; especially when combined with the porn comment. 2
266696687 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 (edited) The 'i like to hunt women' comment would have creeped me out. Very predatory and an insight that perhaps rather than seeing you as a women he sees you as something to prey on. Also the fact he says he likes to hunt would make me think he is not long term relationship material. The ****ing on the couch would be the second. The fact that you are posting here suggests your senses /gut is tingling because of this guy. Listen to them. These things wouldn't have left a good first impression for me! Edited May 20, 2016 by 266696687 2
Author kumar123 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 Thanks all. Yeah the porn and the couch **** were odd. I do agree that he's cutting past the bull **** with me. He's 32 and I just turned 28. It was pretty obvious from knowing him that it seems like he's had a few bad experiences. We didn't talk about exes or anything like that but over the 2 times we met he inquired about me being divorced, having kids and going through a checklist of things that he might not want in a match. He also mentioned on the date that at his age many of his friends have families and he's looking to settle down with someone. The porn thing was weird cause we both had the same response about it. It wasn't if I liked porn or watched it, we were talking about our views on it. Like that porn can be addicting and harmful for some people but normal in small doses. Still I felt the question was a bit much for a first date. The couch thing I have no comment on. It was a joke but was the only time during the night he said something a bit overtly sexual. I do agree that he's looking to find a girl with similar humor. He mentioned during both dates that he really wants people who don't take things so seriously and can laugh about anything. He says that he literally jokes about everything and did ask a few times about my political and religious background so I wouldn't joke and then ask how religious or political I am.
Author kumar123 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 The 'i like to hunt women' comment would have creeped me out. Very predatory and an insight that perhaps rather than seeing you as a women he sees you as something to prey on. Also the fact he says he likes to hunt would make me think he is not long term relationship material. The ****ing on the couch would be the second. The fact that you are posting here suggests your senses /gut is tingling because of this guy. Listen to them. These things wouldn't have left a good first impression for me! Yeah, things were going pretty well until those 2 comments. I think if I go on a second date, I'll go with caution. If he didn't say those things I'd probably start liking him but I'm still on the fence. I have a good intuition about people and from what he said, he used to be a player in his 20s (he did NOT admit this, it was implied). He had a 6 month relationship recently and it seems like he wants a family and a serious relationship now. So I felt like these comments sound like something a player would have said which is why I have my guard up. Yet, I have a couple of extroverted/charasmatic brothers who were ex-players who are now engaged/married and I know that trying to date seriously was a tough transition for them... so it is hard to know if this guy is just in transition mode or what. Too early to say.
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 He's got a more direct style then many. If it annoys you, don't date him. If you are OK with it, go for it. There's nothing "red flag" about it but it may show some incompatibilities. I would have been outtta there at the couch comment.
Buddhist Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 No way, no how would I ever see this person again. What he was doing was testing boundaries, seeing how easy yours are to transgress. There is only one reason a person does this. To see if you are a good candidate for whatever games they have in mind.
gimlynick Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 He's just very direct. He sounds like me. It's an easy way to aproach woman. He probably wants a girl who is good with words, and who can reply him 'in his face answers'. If you answer those questions it's easier for him to make his conclusions. For example: At this moment I'm flirting very heavily with a girl from work, I even ask her questions like 'you will be shaven, right? On our first date?' It's more about the joke... But under the joke there still is that question to be answered. Some guys really like this aproach, and the women who don't like this aproach are just not the kind of women that we are looking for. It's NOT a game. It's just a way of communication. Yes, he is some kind of player/macho. Who cares? If he likes you he will stay with you. And macho's are very hard and rough on the outside but pussies in their heart! This come from a macho ;-)
phineas Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 He's got a more direct style then many. If it annoys you, don't date him. If you are OK with it, go for it. There's nothing "red flag" about it but it may show some incompatibilities. I would have been outtta there at the couch comment. i'm direct also but this guy, if i'd heard him i'm sure i'd be cringing.
tinkerbell16 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 No way, no how would I ever see this person again. What he was doing was testing boundaries, seeing how easy yours are to transgress. There is only one reason a person does this. To see if you are a good candidate for whatever games they have in mind. 100% agree with Buddhist here... don't sleep with him regardless of his charms and see how long he sticks around. Unless being used is on your adenda. He is definitely testing your boundaries and marriage and baby talk is one of these charms. Player. Run.
Jabron1 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Weird guy. Talks a lot of smack and opens up the possibility of putting his foot in his mouth (which it looks like he has), but doesn't even go for a kiss? I'm thinking he might not be as confident as it first appears. A lot of people play the clown and say inane things as a way to cover up nerves.
Porter56 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Play the clown and say inane things???? Cover up nerves???? Yep.... I do that. Not like this guy though.
preraph Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I had a first date yesterday that went pretty well. We met randomly at a pub on a tour about a week or so ago. He asked me out and we had a nice date yesterday and he took me to a really nice place. Here's the thing. I'm used to dating the quiet, introvert, listener type guys. This guy seems pretty confident, charismatic. He's the type to make jokes with strangers and clearly likes to make people smile. This has been very obvious from the 2 times we met. Our date went really well but some things happened that didn't rub me the wrong way but have been making me think. He asked me some really random questions. 1. Why are you single? You are X, Y and Z, why is a girl like you single? 2. What are your views on porn? 3. What are your views on marriage? 4. He made comments like, "you seem pretty transparent." (Which can be an insult or compliment depending on his intentions) 5. When was your last relationship? Then he mentioned, Im just checking you have been in LTR before I'm a very open and blunt person so I handled these questions well and called him out on it and told him it was a bit odd. I turned it into a joke and we bantered about it. He also said some statements that seemed a bit much for a first date. Like he mentioned jokingly, "Do you want me to **** you into this couch?" or something to that effect. I asked him an random question like do you like to hunt.He replies with, "I like to hunt women" and then laughed afterwards like it was an obvious joke. I'll admit that jokes like this are appropriate in relationships or friends, but I've never started joking like that during a first date. Even a third date would be fine, it just seemed a little much for a first date. He's a really likable person which is why I think these questions or comments didn't bother me but I did want to get your thoughts. He does want a second date and he didn't try for a kiss or even try to have sex, so I didn't feel pressure to do anything. It was just odd as his questions were a bit much for a first date and he seems charismatic to know that those questions might be a bit much for a first date. However, I'd like another opinion as I know some people might view these questions as normal to ask during the first date. Ask him questions back. He asked if you like porn. I think you can assume he does and isn't giving it up for anyone, so I'd have asked "Why? Is that so important to you that it's a dealbreaker if a women doesn't want you watching porn all the time?"
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