kunaka1000 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Hie Guys So I have been dating my girl 4 3months now evrything has been great wen we happy.shes 28 and im 22.she completes iv been completely a different person because of her and I adore her.last week monday we had an miscommunication problem n she felt I ddnt love and apreciate her child which were so untrue because I adore both of em and already making future plans ,and she went queit n I tried calling but nothing she asked 4 space gave her n she called back after 3daes n we wanted to fix things n it was cul giving me her views nd thoughts n I also told her mine and we wer cul then I decided to open up explaining why I loved her and her daughter so much so she wldnt think I dnt appreciate them and told her about my past wen I lost my child because of my ex aborted without m knowing at my 1st born was stolen from me n evrything changed she got angry hw could u have not told m such a thing after weve bin together 4 this long but I had neva told any1 abt this n was somthing so hard I had difficulty talking about it to any1 but growing in so much love and confidence in us I let it out 4 e 1st time to som1 n it was her on my own but she angry told m shes lost 4 words and so dissapointed hw can she be able to trust me if I can keep such a thing but Its something so hard 4 me and eventually did so shes not talking to me I feel like giving up now what do I do? 1
bummer Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 3 months and already on the ropes is a bad sign. If you opened up and she wasn't open and receptive she's probsbly pulling away herself but blaming you for the lack of love. Cut your loses and move on, young man. 1
Buddhist Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 I don't know how many different ways you want to be told to leave this relationship. 1
Author kunaka1000 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 My Older girlfriend has been distance doesn't text at all calls sometimes when i call seems neva picks up and neva gets back to me.calls when it feels conviniet 4 her .she was neva like this I gave her 2 ultimatums on different times to tell me if she's doesnt want to be with so I move on with my life both times she's tells me she loves and if she didn't want me she would have told me a long time ago it's just she's going through some hard stuff and sometimes wants to be alone she has a 4 year old daughter and having work and apperantly family issues but it's been 2-3weeks now and to be honest I'm tired now i feel unwanted . there times you want to talk to her about things you goin through in your life but cannot times you wana hear you loved or being missed but you cannot.times you just wana hear from her but I'm not so important anymore I need true advise on what all this might mean and what I can do. 1
gorf Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) My Older girlfriend has been distance doesn't text at all calls sometimes when i call seems neva picks up and neva gets back to me.calls when it feels conviniet 4 her .she was neva like this I gave her 2 ultimatums on different times to tell me if she's doesnt want to be with so I move on with my life both times she's tells me she loves and if she didn't want me she would have told me a long time ago it's just she's going through some hard stuff and sometimes wants to be alone she has a 4 year old daughter and having work and apperantly family issues but it's been 2-3weeks now and to be honest I'm tired now i feel unwanted . there times you want to talk to her about things you goin through in your life but cannot times you wana hear you loved or being missed but you cannot.times you just wana hear from her but I'm not so important anymore I need true advise on what all this might mean and what I can do. People come her for advice to make things WORK in a relationship. Thats what this place is for. Nobody asks questions anymore, they just spout quick responses so they can move onto the next thread and say the same thing. People don't come on here to have someone say "that person is bad news, break up" "its only been ____ numbers of months.. or years. Thats too soon to argue about ___ so run" "dump him/her" "they are a monster they wont change, break up" I mean come on. Everyone's solution is to just break up. No wonder so many people on here have been through breakups. Instead, how about give the guy a few solutions: we don't know the girl and what she's been through. Everyone is different. How about if you want to hear how she feels about you, and where she is at in the relationship, where she thinks YOU are at in the relationship, where she thinks the problems are.... then ask her. Just sit her down and ask her direct questions. There are problems, but just as you said, she does not want to quit. So talk to her and get the the issue. Tell her what you notice about her withdrawing, and ask her why you are seeing that. Who knows, maybe its nothing to do with you despite what you think. Maybe a friend died she didn't tell you about, or she spent too much money and now is depressed or stressed. But you have to ask. You said she has family issues and work issues. Ok, so get into that more. Ask if there is anything you can do to help if she doesn't want to tell you more than that. If she thinks there is something between her kid and you... SHOW her there is not. Spend more time with the kid, maybe even without her. Some ideas Edited June 16, 2016 by gorf 3
Author kunaka1000 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 thank you very much gorf, it means a lot to have someone actually understand and offer their thoughts and help I did ask her like to talk to me and she said she wants to but isn't ready to do so. as iv noticed she tends to hide in her own shell and distance herself just like when her sister was really sick she was quiet for about 3days.Just that now it's actually longer she's been queit and I'll be honest I've never experienced this kind of behaviour so I get confused l,sometimes I understand,sometimes I worry I really love her so I get mixed emotions and start thinking the worst not knowing what to do. ..
gorf Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 thank you very much gorf, it means a lot to have someone actually understand and offer their thoughts and help I did ask her like to talk to me and she said she wants to but isn't ready to do so. as iv noticed she tends to hide in her own shell and distance herself just like when her sister was really sick she was quiet for about 3days.Just that now it's actually longer she's been queit and I'll be honest I've never experienced this kind of behaviour so I get confused l,sometimes I understand,sometimes I worry I really love her so I get mixed emotions and start thinking the worst not knowing what to do. .. Maybe she just really wants to see if you care enough to ask. What I mean is, "did he ask cause its what he's supposed to do as a boyfriend" vs "did he ask cause he cares." So let her know you are open to hear, not once, but keep up on it. There are problems of some sort She has in certain ways shut you out and sorta retreated but... she wants the relationship to continue Fine, then she needs to either stop shutting you out, or start letting you know what you are doing wrong, or what you can do to help. Its one of the two, and its not fair to you to keep going this way.
Author kunaka1000 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 Maybe she just really wants to see if you care enough to ask. What I mean is, "did he ask cause its what he's supposed to do as a boyfriend" vs "did he ask cause he cares." So let her know you are open to hear, not once, but keep up on it. There are problems of some sort She has in certain ways shut you out and sorta retreated but... she wants the relationship to continue Fine, then she needs to either stop shutting you out, or start letting you know what you are doing wrong, or what you can do to help. Its one of the two, and its not fair to you to keep going this way. Okay I Understand But Do You find or think her actions are alarming tho?
Buddhist Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) People come her for advice to make things WORK in a relationship. I mean come on. Everyone's solution is to just break up. No wonder so many people on here have been through breakups. Are you aware this person has already posted about this relationship already? There is a thread about 23 responses long to this exact question in which more questions were asked, and many responses given. The girl in question has a history of being histrionic in the extreme and emotionally manipulating him. Sometimes people offer the 'breakup' advice because it's clear the relationship is a bad one for the OP. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Edited June 17, 2016 by Buddhist 1
katiegrl Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) People often come here asking for advice on how to make a completely dysfunctional and toxic relationship *work*. As objective observers, *we* can clearly see how dysfunctional it is, but the OP cannot as it is very difficult, if not impossible, to be objective when it concerns ourselves. If you read this board, you will also notice how posters often advise OPs that they are the ones being unreasonable, and their partner is actually being reasonable and fair. And give suggestions as to how to make it work!! Not everyone here are bitter negative losers who want everyone to break up..... Most of us are impartial observers and simply call it as we see it. In many cases, the best thing for a poster to do is leave. Which is what I believe in this case too... This is not this poster's first thread and his gf has serious issues, one of which is she does NOT want to be with him! She is also extremely manipulative. And nothing he or us says is gonna change that... Sorry OP..... this ship has sailed. You are young, find a chick who actually wants to be with you... life is too short to settle for that cr*p. Edited June 17, 2016 by katiegrl
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