My ex-GF says I raped her

May 20, 2016

OP, a significant legal element of he said-she said situations like this the consistency and reliability of the parties involved in the eyes of the judge. You need to get off Loveshack.com, cut off all communication with the ex-gf, stop talking about this with ANYONE, and lawyer up.

May 20, 2016

How old were you when she was in Grade 7 and 12-13 years of age?

I would be more concerned with the potental stat rape implications than the he said/ she said. That would be much easier to prove. How old are you in relation to her?

At what age were you having sex and at what age is the age of consent (girls) in your state?

The age of consent in my country is 12 if the partner is less than 2 years older, 14 if the partner is less than 5 years older and then 16 for full consent.

We are the same age, within 3 months.

I'm pretty sure we started having sex at 13 years old.

-------------------------

She was never a weird psycho chick. She was a really sweet girl and I was devastated when things ended. Heck, I still miss her sometimes.

After we broke up she said that she wanted to end things 1 MONTH after we started dating but never had the courage to do it. Basically 1 month in I cheated (kissed another girl) and she wanted to end it but "couldn't". Then like 9ish months in I dumped her for another girl, and a couple weeks later asked her out again. She said yes but later (when she broke up with me) said she wished she never said yes. Then a few years later she was going to end things and my dad died and she "couldn't" do it then. She didn't actually even break up with me, I had to do it for her.

If anyone was the crazy one, I was. After we ended I'd constantly drive by her house loudly to get her attention, I'd drive by her school when I knew she'd be outside, I followed her new BF (at the time) around. I lost it so much that I almost (literally) killed them both. I never intended to but could have lost control. Was driving, saw them driving, no one else was on the road, swerved into their lane and moved at the last second. So if anyone is crazy here, it's me.

To the best of my knowledge, she has only told 3 people and 6 years apart. Even her best friend of 20 years didn't know what I was talking about when I mentioned it recently. She doesn't message me, and her fiance only messaged me one message. Basically she said it a couple times to ME and my GF 6 years ago, then her fiance said something recently. Nothing in between and nothing else.

Edited May 20, 2016 by chev

May 20, 2016

Jabron post #19

To be fair, I don't think he was making a joke - but rather pointing out the obvious farcical nature of this topic.

So you think rape is a farce? And an "obvious" farce at that.

Where the heck are you coming from??

May 20, 2016

SoThatHappened #21

Rape is no joke. But according to the majority of the posts on this thread, just about everyone who has had sex has been raped.

Now that's trivilalising something very serious.

I don't know about "getting a grip", but maybe you need to get serious.

May 20, 2016

Chev,

What country is this?

The age of consent in my country is 12 if the partner is less than 2 years older, 14 if the partner is less than 5 years older and then 16 for full consent.

I am curious as to why you felt the need to have sex at 13 years old?

May 20, 2016

I am curious as to why you felt the need to have sex at 13 years old?

That is pretty irrelevant to this thread. A lot of people start having sex at 13 and even younger...

May 20, 2016

After we broke up she said that she wanted to end things 1 MONTH after we started dating but never had the courage to do it. Basically 1 month in I cheated (kissed another girl) and she wanted to end it but "couldn't". Then like 9ish months in I dumped her for another girl, and a couple weeks later asked her out again. She said yes but later (when she broke up with me) said she wished she never said yes. Then a few years later she was going to end things and my dad died and she "couldn't" do it then. She didn't actually even break up with me, I had to do it for her.

If anyone was the crazy one, I was. After we ended I'd constantly drive by her house loudly to get her attention, I'd drive by her school when I knew she'd be outside, I followed her new BF (at the time) around. I lost it so much that I almost (literally) killed them both. I never intended to but could have lost control. Was driving, saw them driving, no one else was on the road, swerved into their lane and moved at the last second. So if anyone is crazy here, it's me.

To the best of my knowledge, she has only told 3 people and 6 years apart. Even her best friend of 20 years didn't know what I was talking about when I mentioned it recently. She doesn't message me, and her fiance only messaged me one message. Basically she said it a couple times to ME and my GF 6 years ago, then her fiance said something recently. Nothing in between and nothing else.

Well you may not have raped her, but you have clearly stalked her.

You also seem to be very impulsive and controlling. perhaps an "aggresive" form of begging for sex, might have been coercion (although, not technicly rape, as some have suggested here).

Problem is in what the law is, and what morals are.

May 20, 2016

The age of consent in my country is 12 if the partner is less than 2 years older, 14 if the partner is less than 5 years older and then 16 for full consent.

We are the same age, within 3 months.

I'm pretty sure we started having sex at 13 years old.

-------------------------

She was never a weird psycho chick. She was a really sweet girl and I was devastated when things ended. Heck, I still miss her sometimes.

After we broke up she said that she wanted to end things 1 MONTH after we started dating but never had the courage to do it. Basically 1 month in I cheated (kissed another girl) and she wanted to end it but "couldn't". Then like 9ish months in I dumped her for another girl, and a couple weeks later asked her out again. She said yes but later (when she broke up with me) said she wished she never said yes. Then a few years later she was going to end things and my dad died and she "couldn't" do it then. She didn't actually even break up with me, I had to do it for her.

If anyone was the crazy one, I was. After we ended I'd constantly drive by her house loudly to get her attention, I'd drive by her school when I knew she'd be outside, I followed her new BF (at the time) around. I lost it so much that I almost (literally) killed them both. I never intended to but could have lost control. Was driving, saw them driving, no one else was on the road, swerved into their lane and moved at the last second. So if anyone is crazy here, it's me.

To the best of my knowledge, she has only told 3 people and 6 years apart. Even her best friend of 20 years didn't know what I was talking about when I mentioned it recently. She doesn't message me, and her fiance only messaged me one message. Basically she said it a couple times to ME and my GF 6 years ago, then her fiance said something recently. Nothing in between and nothing else.

ok this troubling.

She probably felt coerced to have sex with and was later probably scared of you so she said yes after being pushed.

I remember being in similar situations in high school and it sucks. You feel pressured all the time. guys are def pushing past your boundaries and if she one is bigger, shown disturbing behaviors it is scary.

Plus at 13(so very young) you don't have the maturity to deal with it. So yes I can see why she feels you raped her.

May 20, 2016

She was never a weird psycho chick. She was a really sweet girl and I was devastated when things ended. Heck, I still miss her sometimes.

After we broke up she said that she wanted to end things 1 MONTH after we started dating but never had the courage to do it. Basically 1 month in I cheated (kissed another girl) and she wanted to end it but "couldn't". Then like 9ish months in I dumped her for another girl, and a couple weeks later asked her out again. She said yes but later (when she broke up with me) said she wished she never said yes. Then a few years later she was going to end things and my dad died and she "couldn't" do it then. She didn't actually even break up with me, I had to do it for her.

If anyone was the crazy one, I was. After we ended I'd constantly drive by her house loudly to get her attention, I'd drive by her school when I knew she'd be outside, I followed her new BF (at the time) around. I lost it so much that I almost (literally) killed them both. I never intended to but could have lost control. Was driving, saw them driving, no one else was on the road, swerved into their lane and moved at the last second. So if anyone is crazy here, it's me.

To the best of my knowledge, she has only told 3 people and 6 years apart. Even her best friend of 20 years didn't know what I was talking about when I mentioned it recently. She doesn't message me, and her fiance only messaged me one message. Basically she said it a couple times to ME and my GF 6 years ago, then her fiance said something recently. Nothing in between and nothing else.

Oof. Even if you didn't rape her, you've done a lot of things that will make it look plausible in the eyes of a judge. Good luck...

May 20, 2016

Jabron post #19

So you think rape is a farce? And an "obvious" farce at that.

Where the heck are you coming from??

Yeah, I think it's becoming an absolute farce.

Problem?

May 20, 2016

To the best of my knowledge, she has only told 3 people and 6 years apart. Even her best friend of 20 years didn't know what I was talking about when I mentioned it recently. She doesn't message me, and her fiance only messaged me one message. Basically she said it a couple times to ME and my GF 6 years ago, then her fiance said something recently. Nothing in between and nothing else.

As she is not shouting it from the roof tops and has only told a few select people I guess she truly feels you did rape her and she was too naive, too weak, too young to say no to your advances and too powerless to even break up with you. She was 12-13 when this started and whilst you are dismissing it as the actions of a horny teenager, then others would see this as the abuse and rape of a minor.

However what is done is done, I doubt she will take this any further than she has done, but you now need to carefully reassess how you now act with women and whether this may be an issue for you going forward. Are you treating women with respect or could such allegations be made against you by other women you have seen or are seeing.

Consent is now the watchword and with no consent, it is rape.

May 20, 2016

Arieswoman,

I'm not going to engage you to prove a point in which you don't seem to have the capacity to see from any angle except your own.

You've distorted jabron's words (saying he thinks rape is a farce - that is NOT what he stated)

You've taken my statements and are trying to distort them into meaning that I'm trivializing something, when in fact I am not. And anyone can see that.

You seem to be hijacking this thread to try to prove a point, and I'm wise enough to let this go and hopefully the OP is given some sound advice.

OP, I don't believe you are guilty of rape based on what you've posted. I don't know you from Adam, but it also doesn't sound like you're guilty of raping your ex gf. That's my opinion.

I agree with GunslingerRoland's assessment. And, I agree with CupCakess statements:

Finally, be wary of the straissand effect. By suing her, a lot more people will hear her accusations (despite them not being true).

Personally, if things were the way you described them, you are an innocent man.

Good luck.

Edited May 20, 2016 by SoThatHappened

May 20, 2016

To be fair, after the OP's last post, the situation might not be so plain as he suggested on his first post.

The fact that post break-up you stalked her, and were angry at her, makes me think you might have anger issues.

It is possible that in one of your "begging" moments, you may have been aggresive towards her, and her "consent" would be based on fear. Also the reasons why she never broke up with you, could be because of the same.

May 20, 2016

My advice would be the obvious: block her and her fiance from your contacts and silence on your part. I would refrain from pursuing legal avenues because I doubt that anything will result from it but increased resentment on both sides. If anything, it's going to reinforce her opinion of your previous harassment of her.

If anyone close to you brings this up, you should say what you've described here. The truth hurts and you engaged in some lousy behavior, but hopefully you're no longer acting this way in your adult relationships. Teenage relationships can be a minefield, with some behavior that should be regretted in hindsight, and it seems like you do have regrets. As such, her adult perception of your relationship feels true to her, even if you aren't comfortable with it. Accept that there's nothing you can do to alter what you did in the past or how she perceives it in the present other than trying to be conscientious about how your behavior and choices impact those around you.

May 20, 2016

As she is not shouting it from the roof tops and has only told a few select people I guess she truly feels you did rape her and she was too naive, too weak, too young to say no to your advances and too powerless to even break up with you. She was 12-13 when this started and whilst you are dismissing it as the actions of a horny teenager, then others would see this as the abuse and rape of a minor.

However what is done is done, I doubt she will take this any further than she has done, but you now need to carefully reassess how you now act with women and whether this may be an issue for you going forward. Are you treating women with respect or could such allegations be made against you by other women you have seen or are seeing.
Consent is now the watchword and with no consent, it is rape.

Consent isn't really the watchword though. Like someone else said, if initial lack of consent alone constituted rape, then a majority of people have been raped. Lack of initial consent, coupled with plausibility of coercion, is the standard that is observed in practice.

I'm not big into the gender wars, and my posting history should speak for itself in that regard. But the phenotypic difference between men and women makes men fundamentally plausible aggressors and women fundamentally implausible ones.

Now, I'm fine with men and women being different in all kinds of arenas. They just are as far as I'm concerned. But the weight that uncontrollable biological factors have in our practiced definitions of rape is not consistent with society's mandate for gender equality in 2016. You don't have to be some kind of bitter woman hater to make that observation.

May 20, 2016

^ It would only affect that if it's a matter of his permanent (and public) criminal record. Employers can't (and wouldn't) base hiring decisions on hearsay etc., even if they were able to collect that sort of info.

OP, what country do you live in?

I totally disagree on this. Since the media coverage of a few NFL situations last year, my workplace (and many others) are beginning to enforce morality clauses, so if you do something that they don't believe are in line with the ethics of the company, even if there is no criminal situation involved, they can fire you with cause.

May 20, 2016

As far as what to do, perhaps you can write a brief letter to this girl, let her know that you weren't aware that she felt so hurt while the two of you were together, that you regret anything you might've done to make her feel the way she does.

Absolutely NOT.

This could be used against him as an admission of guilt.

He needs to speak to a lawyer.

May 20, 2016

Consent is now the watchword and with no consent, it is rape.

This is obviously insane.

Good luck to any guy that gets legal consent to have sex with a girl (whatever the F that is LMAO).

The night-clubs would be out of business within a few months.

Just ignore it is my advice. I have never been accused of rape[] I think the OP just got unlucky in shagging a girl that was young enough for college. I didn't start shagging until I was 18 - a blessing in disguise lol.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 20, 2016

I have to ask... after she said no to sex but you got her to go along with it and have sex with you, did she lay there like a dead fish? Further details from your relationship (and it's aftermath) tell me she probably didn't seem into it. How would that kind of sex be enjoyable for you?

May 20, 2016

I totally disagree on this. Since the media coverage of a few NFL situations last year, my workplace (and many others) are beginning to enforce morality clauses, so if you do something that they don't believe are in line with the ethics of the company, even if there is no criminal situation involved, they can fire you with cause.

That'd be an awfully tenuous standard to ascribe to (a rumored or presumed criminal activity with no record of it), and how would they find out in the first place? Office gossip, assuming the office even knows? Very hard to verify that sort of thing due to its very nature.

May 20, 2016

What is consent? - Crown Prosecution Service

May 20, 2016

This is obviously insane.

Good luck to any guy that gets legal consent to have sex with a girl (whatever the F that is LMAO).

The night-clubs would be out of business within a few months.

Just ignore it is my advice. I have never been accused of rape[] I think the OP just got unlucky in shagging a girl that was young enough for college. I didn't start shagging until I was 18 - a blessing in disguise lol.

It is the law - flout it at your peril.

CPS Legal Guidance

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 20, 2016

That'd be an awfully tenuous standard to ascribe to (a rumored or presumed criminal activity with no record of it), and how would they find out in the first place? Office gossip, assuming the office even knows? Very hard to verify that sort of thing due to its very nature.

The court of public opinion is becoming more important than the legal courts all of the time, whether we like it or not. Look at the public outcry over the Ray Rice situation in the NFL, it is having affect on other corporations as they would rather err on the side of caution and get rid of an employee who is thought to have done something not just illegal but morally wrong, rather than being seen as supporting them.

May 20, 2016

You've distorted jabron's words (saying he thinks rape is a farce - that is NOT what he stated).

Yeah, I think it's becoming an absolute farce.

Problem?

Immaculate timing all around, gents.

May 20, 2016

CarrieT,

Post # 31

That is pretty irrelevant to this thread. A lot of people start having sex at 13 and even younger.

Maybe they do maybe they don't.

I was asking the OP about this as it his response would indicate what his attitude was towards this child - because that's what she was - and what his motivations were.

I think it's very relevent.

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