ashteller Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 How do we let go of feelings we have? If something so strong inside of us is denied how do we deal with it? I don't freaking know why I am captivated still by this one woman who rejected me. She is treating me so nice and I am reciprocating, but it's tearing me a part because I want to spend time with her personally and she said no so I can't do anything about that. I do not know how to let go because she has my attention and I just don't want to rebound on any woman. I am not sure how to let go or change my feelings. It's hard and unhealthy what I am doing to myself. But the thought of her makes me happy. 1
neowulf Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 How do we let go of feelings we have? If something so strong inside of us is denied how do we deal with it? I don't freaking know why I am captivated still by this one woman who rejected me. She is treating me so nice and I am reciprocating, but it's tearing me a part because I want to spend time with her personally and she said no so I can't do anything about that. I do not know how to let go because she has my attention and I just don't want to rebound on any woman. I am not sure how to let go or change my feelings. It's hard and unhealthy what I am doing to myself. But the thought of her makes me happy. There is only one way to really, effectively resolve these feelings. You remove her from your life. You go non-contact. If you're unable to work through the feelings, you *need* to let her go. Essentially, you have to approach your infatuation with her, much the same way as a drug addict would try and recover from addition. Remove her from your life, find ways to distract yourself whenever you're tempted to contact her again. Allow yourself to feel and grieve the loss of the potential relationship. Or, as I like to remind myself. You get one life. One bite of the cherry. There are roughly 7 BILLION people on this planet right now. Roughly half of those are women. Every moment you waste hung up on what you can't have, is a moment you've wasted finding the woman who wants YOU as much as you want her. Do *not* waste time my friend. It's gone before you know it. 4
smudge21 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 She's still in your life and you're asking how to let go of feelings for her? Seriously, you need to follow the NC guide and follow it to the letter. Your question can be turned around like "I have this cut in my leg that I keep stabbing with a salt covered fork. How can I stop it hurting?". Basically you won't heal from her until you decide to start healing. 2
keiji Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 She's treating you nicely but she doesn't want to spend time with you? That sounds like a bit of a contradiction to me. As the previous posters said, go NC and remove her from your life completely. I left a door open with my ex and shut it down last Sunday. It felt great, and still does. Life is too short. Why would you want to invest in someone who doesn't want you? Feelings change or simply disappear with time. It won't be different in your case. 2
RocketQueen Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I have been caught in the ridiculous net of my ex for way too long. I could have gone No Contact a long time ago but didn't for many reasons, weakness, fear, love...the list goes on. Sitting here now I am glad I didn't go no contact, I think for me personally it would not have worked. I have taken the long and arduous road of trying to be all manner of things to him. We have tried being friends and I thought we were trying again. None of the situations worked out well. I turned detective and embarrassingly spent hours refreshing various social media pages to see if he was online. Spent money I shouldn't have going to visit him etc etc It has been agonising at times and maybe no contact could have saved me lots of heartache but I feel because the relationship didn't end badly I may have always had a romantic wonderings of 'what if?'...I now know he is not the person I fell in love with or that my eyes have been finally peeled of their rose tints and I can actually see that the heartache had a purpose. We had a conversation a few days ago, and it was like suddenly everything made sense. The conversation was random, pointless and boring and I just asked myself what I was doing, said I had to go and have not had the desire to talk to him since. I suppose my long, drawn out response is basically that the hurt will go on for as long as YOU LET IT, I daresay I will have the odd pang of regret and have days that I miss him but I know I am going to be fine WITHOUT him. Which ever route you take there is going to be pain and your own head and heart are the two things that are hurting you the most right now. Finally, and I don't quite know how, I decided I matter more than my misguided feelings for him- his feelings are no longer any of my concern. I am going to bed on a night with a clear head and surprisingly calm heart. I hope you get there soon too xx 2
Satu Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Two word answer: No contact. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. *If you work together, nothing more than basic civil communication about work. Take care. 1
Author ashteller Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 We work together and we work interpersonal with each other. Also no two woman I met are alike and from what I know of this woman she's got me, she's got me real good.
preraph Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 The only place you can go for help for that is within yourself. When it gets too painful to want to keep reliving it, you will have to resolve to have self-discipline and make yourself refocus. It's hard. It takes it out of you. Maybe you'll get lucky and instead of having to fire yourself into hard clay, you'll find someone new not at work to refocus on -- or better yet, just start paying attention to those who pay attention to you and give them a chance. 1
SixxChick Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 -- or better yet, just start paying attention to those who pay attention to you and give them a chance. This is what I am trying to do. And it is a must. It is hard when the one you want doesn't want you. But such is life. NC is the way to go. I wish I would have learned that lesson a little earlier on in my breakup because I wasted time seeking logic where logic did not exist. Many a wise sage on this site will tell you to put it behind you and move on. Easier said than done, but you will come to the realization that there is no fork in the road if the other person has made it clear that they are moving on without you.
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