Chen12 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Hey there After being on several dates over the last 3 years I noticed a pattern with my level of interest in guys. Every single guy that I've gone on a date with I never liked.... well thats a lie. I liked them but not on THAT level. Even with my first and only boyfriend. When we were going out he showed an extreme interest but it was reciprocated on my part. I kinda grew to like him and then eventually love him. Now that we are no longer dating Im noticing the same pattern. Me going on dates with guys that are obviously into me but I just don't feel it. Also sometimes my level of interest changes drastically after a while. After getting to know them for a bit. I will get to the point where I kinda like them then I would wake up one day and it will be gone. Is there something wrong with me? PS. I am talking to this guy but we have never met in person and up until a day ago I was really into him and now its gone
Kaleard Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 You sound like the most frustrating girl in the world to date! J/K... sort of. It's really hard to tell what's going on here with so little to go on. Do you always tend to date men with very similar personalities? Maybe you just keep dating the same type of men that aren't actually your type. Are you dating men you don't find at all physically attractive? That could explain why you don't like them at first and then they grow on you a bit once you get to know them. I think you need to be very patient and only date men you are very attracted to from the beginning. If you aren't attracted to practically any men you know it may be an issue with your sex drive and you may want to talk to a professional. 1
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 We all have our ways to fall in love. This is yours. Now that you know this is how your heart falls in love find a nice man you like enough to date. Pick the one that treats you right. Then get to know him and slowly fell in love with him. You have an advantage over people falling fast and hard. People that fall fast and hard don't get to decide who they will fall for and often it's for the wrong person. In your case you can make a clear well thought out decision to fall for a man that treats you right. 2
Author Chen12 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 You sound like the most frustrating girl in the world to date! J/K... sort of. It's really hard to tell what's going on here with so little to go on. Do you always tend to date men with very similar personalities? Maybe you just keep dating the same type of men that aren't actually your type. Are you dating men you don't find at all physically attractive? That could explain why you don't like them at first and then they grow on you a bit once you get to know them. I think you need to be very patient and only date men you are very attracted to from the beginning. If you aren't attracted to practically any men you know it may be an issue with your sex drive and you may want to talk to a professional. I'm frustrated with myself also! I don't want to date anyone similar to me. I like to meet different and interesting people. The guys I see aren't ugly but I've always been weird with that kind of stuff. I fall for personalities first. I definitely know that its not a sex drive issue. I haven't had sex since my last relationship (1 month and half) and Im dying! If I didn't have morals I would be out screwing anything right now. Im just frustrated with myself.
Author Chen12 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 We all have our ways to fall in love. This is yours. Now that you know this is how your heart falls in love find a nice man you like enough to date. Pick the one that treats you right. Then get to know him and slowly fell in love with him. You have an advantage over people falling fast and hard. People that fall fast and hard don't get to decide who they will fall for and often it's for the wrong person. In your case you can make a clear well thought out decision to fall for a man that treats you right. I guess this is true but I still wonder why I get that on and off attraction thing
DaToscana Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I think you're not sure of what you really want. You gotta sit and ask yourself what are you looking for in a guy and then proceed to meet the right people. We all have those moment in our life, where you're just not interested on anyone, or sometimes you think you're interested but you really aren't. You gotta put into perspective what's going on in your life right now, because sometimes it can change you without you realizing it. The way you react might be the cause of something else going on in your life. Hope this helped a little bit.
salparadise Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Underlying fear of allowing yourself to become vulnerable perhaps? That's often what it is when people either can't connect or sabotage new relationships. Not enough info to go beyond general speculation.
Leigh 87 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 We all have our ways to fall in love. This is yours. Now that you know this is how your heart falls in love find a nice man you like enough to date. Pick the one that treats you right. Then get to know him and slowly fell in love with him. You have an advantage over people falling fast and hard. People that fall fast and hard don't get to decide who they will fall for and often it's for the wrong person. In your case you can make a clear well thought out decision to fall for a man that treats you right. What about those of us who USUALLY fall for people slowly, and bypass the butterflies and spark, yet fall very hard and fast for the MINORITY or men we date? What happens when she meets a guy and feels the fireworks and the thunderbolt? It usually works out well with people like you and the OP - you do not crave the whole " he is on my mind every second" type of honeymoon. But I still think it is wise to get the OP ready and prepared for the "what ifs"... What if she DOES meet a guy who makes her heart skip a beat and who gets her panties wet instantly? She needs to acknowledge that by settling down with a guy who she was initially lukewarm about - that she runs the risk of meeting the guy who DOES give her butterflies - she needs to make the conscious decision to IGNORE wild passion and lust, basically. Gaeta, you know the perils of lust filled raging sexual attraction based dating partners - the OP may not. You can successfully go after the slow burn, where as the OP may be a deer in the headlights once she falls hard and fast for a guy (While she is already dating the dependable, safe guy who was Mr no butterflies). You should share more of your wisdom with the OP. So she can be prepared for Mr sparks and Mr fireworks when he comes along.
Leigh 87 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I want to add - I am like the OP - in that I rarely fall head over heels. I can meet loads of decent men who I share some chemistry with, but I won't feel like they are my soul mate or anything deep.... I have found a lot of men attractive and a lot of men have found me attractive back - emotionally though, it is actually VERY NORMAL to not feel very emotionally heightened or feel intense emotions, with just any man you meet and even date...... That is why it is super rare to fall totally head over heels for a life partner - the VAST majority of women bypass and slip the falling "head over heels" phase entirely - because most women either ONLY fall hard for men who are bad for them, subconsciously, due to childhood issues they are trying to resolve with a man, OR, even emotionally very healthy women STRUGGLE to meet a man that they fall HARD for and feel " that feeling", that " 10/10 chemistry" with, who is ALSO a great partner for them! A life partner is about practicality - do your values line up? Do you want kids? Are you incomes compatible? Do you aim to have a similar lifestyle? Are they your best friend? .... ....... chemistry and feeling " alive" and "passionate" and feeling "strong or intense emotions" is NOT necessary, or even preferable for a lasting relationship. Yes some women get lucky and end up with the man who made them weak in the knees and they share EARTH SHATERING chemistry with........ But the VAST MAJORITY of women are JUST like you! They struggle to meet men who move them to feel deep feelings from the get go, until they actually know them for several months; they skip the falling head over heels part, they date men they are lukewarm about at first and then they fall in love more gradually and quietly. You are on the right track. You are like the vast majority of women - the man you marry will likely be the man you weren't even that into on your first date or two or... maybe 8..... What you are going through is totally normal. It takes a rare person to make MOST of us women fall all over ourselves at the mere thought of them!
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