Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 So, what do you guys do in this situation? I met a girl on POF yesterday, asked her to go out for drinks on Friday to which she replied "maybe, I have an early Saturday so may stay in. Let's keep in touch?" So I asked for her number and she happily obliged. Lost cause? Already pumping out an excuse without offering another time? Do you think the fact she wants to stay in touch means anything?
scooby-philly Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Too little information. Keep pursuing at this point. Don't understand why she'd give you a number if she wasn't interested to a certain degree. She may have a legit early morning. Just keep in mind it may be time to move on. Thought - I try this and most of the time it works, if a woman doesn't say yes to something but you want to judge her real interest - do a counter-proposal. If she's busy this weekend then shoot for the following weekend and give her 3 option - a weeknight, a weekend night - fri/sat or a weekend during the day. If she can't find time for one of those spots then she's either not interested or she doesn't have the time to commit to something anyway. 1
central Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Give it one more try. If she turns you down again without proposing another date/time, then "maybe" you should move on.
GemmaUK Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Had you had any conversation or a call before you asked her out for Friday or was that your first message to her?
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 Just a brief conversation on the app. I honestly don't find conversing on the app to be worth it, I've always felt meeting in person is the best bet to see if there's anything there. I never understood why women are so hesitant to meet up without some longer conversation beforehand. It's not like I'm inviting her to my house, we would be meeting at a public place. If you're initially attracted and like the pictures and general profile, what is there to lose with meeting up? I texted her today and she told me she decided I love too far away and she doesn't want to waste my time. I really appreciated the honesty, was much nicer than getting a no response or a flake.
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 Too little information. Keep pursuing at this point. Don't understand why she'd give you a number if she wasn't interested to a certain degree.. Ive though this exact same thing numerous times. Makes no sense to me, because it seems a lot of women give out their numbers when they have no interest and no intention of meeting up at all. It's pretty stupid. I know that because I've had women admit to it. So basically, getting a number doesn't nessecarily mean anything apparently. Although I think usually if they give out their number, especially on an OLD site, then they are at least somewhat interested or attracted, but for some reason most of the time end up finding some excuse or deal breaker to call things off or ignore you. It's definitely very hard dating online, and I'm a fairly attractive male too. If I lived in a better area with more people I'd go out in person more, just don't have that option right now.
smackie9 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Hah she ain't staying in, she already has a date lined up for Friday....you are plan B or C.
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 Hah she ain't staying in, she already has a date lined up for Friday....you are plan B or C. Yup. I knew that pretty much right away, but wanted to see what everyone else thought. I've gotten to the point where if they're not immediately into the idea of meeting up, they're deleted and crossed off the list. Gotta be ruthless and very business like about this OLD stuff, there's far too many people out there to waste time waiting around for someone to figure out if "you're worth it".
Kaleard Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Been doing some OLD myself and personally, I think the phone call is the most crucial step in the process. I think it is much less scary for a woman to give you her phone number (she could always block the number if she doesn't want to talk to you) than to meet up with you but it basically achieves the same objective. She wants to know you aren't a psycho or super insecure or have no sense of humor, etc. It's tough to assess that just through an IM conversation. If she can talk to you through the safety of a phone call and get a feel for your personality she is MUCH more likely to agree to meet up. I NEVER ask to meet up before that phone call and can't even imagine meeting a girl without a phone call first.
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 That's interesting kaleard, how old are you though? I'm only 27, and I think in today's day and age girls I would think might be creeped out by an actual phone call from someone they met online..and they might not even answer the call (people screen calls these days because of telemarketers erc). I've thought about calling them before too Id definitely be interested to hear what women in their 20s think about that. Seems like the majority of people on here seem to be much older.
Kaleard Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 That's interesting kaleard, how old are you though? I'm only 27, and I think in today's day and age girls I would think might be creeped out by an actual phone call from someone they met online..and they might not even answer the call (people screen calls these days because of telemarketers erc). I've thought about calling them before too Id definitely be interested to hear what women in their 20s think about that. Seems like the majority of people on here seem to be much older. I'm 33 Grey so I'm a bit older but not too much. I don't think it is a matter of age. How can a girl be freaked out about a phone call with someone online but they aren't freaked out by meeting up with them in person? That doesn't sound logical to me. I've had a whole lot of online dates and women have almost always been unsure about me until I get them on the phone. Then they sense how harmless I am and they are comfortable with meeting. Or they aren't feeling it and that's okay too. But if they reject me on a phone call than they would have rejected me in person anyways so it just saves time. That's my two cents anyways.
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 I'm 33 Grey so I'm a bit older but not too much. I don't think it is a matter of age. How can a girl be freaked out about a phone call with someone online but they aren't freaked out by meeting up with them in person? That doesn't sound logical to me. I've had a whole lot of online dates and women have almost always been unsure about me until I get them on the phone. Then they sense how harmless I am and they are comfortable with meeting. Or they aren't feeling it and that's okay too. But if they reject me on a phone call than they would have rejected me in person anyways so it just saves time. That's my two cents anyways. Do you call them out of the blue? Or are you texting them and them to lead up to a call?
Author Grey40 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 I'm 33 Grey so I'm a bit older but not too much. I don't think it is a matter of age. How can a girl be freaked out about a phone call with someone online but they aren't freaked out by meeting up with them in person? That doesn't sound logical to me. I've had a whole lot of online dates and women have almost always been unsure about me until I get them on the phone. Then they sense how harmless I am and they are comfortable with meeting. Or they aren't feeling it and that's okay too. But if they reject me on a phone call than they would have rejected me in person anyways so it just saves time. That's my two cents anyways. Do you call them out of the blue? Or are you texting them and them to lead up to a call? Like..you get matched with them/send them a message and then they respond...what's your course of action? A longer text convo followed by the call?
Kaleard Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Do you call them out of the blue? Or are you texting them and them to lead up to a call? Like..you get matched with them/send them a message and then they respond...what's your course of action? A longer text convo followed by the call? It's kind of a step by step process actually and it can take days to get to the phone call. First we message back and forth on the OLD site IM until I feel she's probably comfortable enough to give me her number. Level 2 is texting. I'll text her a question and we'll get texting back and forth until she is comfortable enough for me to ask if I can call her sometime and when is a good time (approximate... they can get creeped out if you say I'll call you at exactly 7:00). I don't call out of the blue because I think it's rude and I don't want her to be caught off guard, which can make the call go awkwardly. Level 3 is the phone call. You'll get your best indication if there is any chemistry with this I think. I can tell if she is someone I don't want to meet very quickly with a phone conversation. I like to see how well she holds up a conversation and if I can make her laugh or is she like talking to a brick wall. If so, luckily I didn't waste my time meeting her. If the call doesn't go well I'll say thank you and leave it at that. If it went well I'll ask to have a longer conversation with her another time. By the end of the second conversation, I'll usually ask to meet up (or by text if that is her most comfortable communication method). Then we meet and as long as she wasn't hiding 50 lbs from her profile pictures, we are golden.
stillminds Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 It's kind of a step by step process actually and it can take days to get to the phone call. First we message back and forth on the OLD site IM until I feel she's probably comfortable enough to give me her number. Level 2 is texting. I'll text her a question and we'll get texting back and forth until she is comfortable enough for me to ask if I can call her sometime and when is a good time (approximate... they can get creeped out if you say I'll call you at exactly 7:00). I don't call out of the blue because I think it's rude and I don't want her to be caught off guard, which can make the call go awkwardly. Level 3 is the phone call. You'll get your best indication if there is any chemistry with this I think. I can tell if she is someone I don't want to meet very quickly with a phone conversation. I like to see how well she holds up a conversation and if I can make her laugh or is she like talking to a brick wall. If so, luckily I didn't waste my time meeting her. If the call doesn't go well I'll say thank you and leave it at that. If it went well I'll ask to have a longer conversation with her another time. By the end of the second conversation, I'll usually ask to meet up (or by text if that is her most comfortable communication method). Then we meet and as long as she wasn't hiding 50 lbs from her profile pictures, we are golden. Holy crap man, this is EXACTLY my method! I legit thought I developed it haha. Most guys just text and ask to meet up, but I think women are impressed when the guy has enough guts to call her. Standing out from the crowd in online dating (in a good way) is always beneficial.
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