Sueco Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Yeah so I'm a man going on my third decade here in life. I've always been one to believe you should be yourself and whatever other flaws I might have, I'm a very kind and supportive person. Not a pushover or a doormat. I'm not afraid to disagree or object to things. But I'll listen when someone needs me/has a problem and listen good, I'll give advices or say supportive things. I'm generally positive and people often seem to feel my presence has a positive impact on their life. The problem is this seems to be causing massive issues for me with my dating and friendship life. If I meet someone I'm interested in, 1 out of 2 things usually happens. First one is I end up being their friend. They like me for my positive/funny/supportive qualities and fails to realize I'm interested in them just cause I like to take things a little slow and get to know a person before I make a move. Or simply thinks I'm more of friendship material in the first place. In the other scenario things turns romantic but it always ends up just being about them. It's always their issues and their worries. What they want and what they don't want. When I talk about what's on my mind or when I need her to stand by my side, I feel like I'm hardly getting anything in return. Often I feel like after a while people are starting to take me for granted and trying to take advantage of me and I have to break off the friendship or romance. I don't know what to do about this and it's so disappointing to be unable to find anyone that I actually feel cares for me or does nice things for me and that doesn't take me for granted. I don't want to have to change as a person. I don't want to have to stop giving a **** (or pretend like I don't anyways) just to even things out. Why can't 2 persons be supportive and make each other feel better? Isn't that what a healthy good relationship should be all about? Also I feel like I'm not the most exciting or sexual person. I'm not great at flirting/coming on to women and I guess that's another problem and why I rarely even get to the dating stage with women. So basically dating is going awful for me for various reasons. I'm tired of being alone and want to find some good woman to get serious with but I'm not getting there. At times I think to myself it would have been a lot easier if I had cared less or if I had been more superficial. There are so many good looking women. It's much harder to find someone with an inside to appreciate or get along with.
itstoni Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 The problem is this seems to be causing massive issues for me with my dating and friendship life. If I meet someone I'm interested in, 1 out of 2 things usually happens. First one is I end up being their friend. They like me for my positive/funny/supportive qualities and fails to realize I'm interested in them just cause I like to take things a little slow and get to know a person before I make a move. Or simply thinks I'm more of friendship material in the first place. In the other scenario things turns romantic but it always ends up just being about them. It's always their issues and their worries. What they want and what they don't want. When I talk about what's on my mind or when I need her to stand by my side, I feel like I'm hardly getting anything in return. Often I feel like after a while people are starting to take me for granted and trying to take advantage of me and I have to break off the friendship or romance. I was, sorta still am old fashion. I like to take things slow with women and get to know them. But that was also my issue on getting dates. I've been noticing this from many women if not all. Women put you in 1 of 2 boxes, NEVER both. They either put you in the friendship box, or they put you in the lover box. In order to not be put in the friendship box you need to stop trying to be their friend. From the moment she notices you, you approach her, and make your intentions known. Make her see the "romantic" side of you right away so she doesn't put you in the friend box. The reason you feel that it's always about them, it's because it is in their mind. Women are social creatures, it's how they get off. They constantly have a need to always talk talk talk. So the best way to go about this is to not fight it. Let her talk all she wants (besides it'll make her like you more), but don't let her talk about sad, emotional stuff around you all the time. If she brings up something negative, change the subject to a more happy topic. She'll slowly realize that shes happy being around you since everything you do and talk is happy crap. I don't know what to do about this and it's so disappointing to be unable to find anyone that I actually feel cares for me or does nice things for me and that doesn't take me for granted. I don't want to have to change as a person. I don't want to have to stop giving a **** (or pretend like I don't anyways) just to even things out. Why can't 2 persons be supportive and make each other feel better? Isn't that what a healthy good relationship should be all about? Also I feel like I'm not the most exciting or sexual person. I'm not great at flirting/coming on to women and I guess that's another problem and why I rarely even get to the dating stage with women Stop trying to find someone that "actually cares". The sad truth is, as a man, you're in this world alone and always will be. You need to realize that the only people who will care is your parents, and yourself. You're right, that is an issue, you need to show your intentions asap. Tease her, make her laugh. Hit on her. Women are not stupid. They know what you want. So might as well go for it. So basically dating is going awful for me for various reasons. I'm tired of being alone and want to find some good woman to get serious with but I'm not getting there. At times I think to myself it would have been a lot easier if I had cared less or if I had been more superficial. There are so many good looking women. It's much harder to find someone with an inside to appreciate or get along with. The best way to find someone who cares for you and all that jazz is to date many women. Always be spinning multiple plates at once (women are naturals at this. That's why they get to choose who they end up with). Get good at noticing red flags. Then one day you'll get to choose who you want since you'll be good at screening women to fit your needs.
Author Sueco Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 I was, sorta still am old fashion. I like to take things slow with women and get to know them. But that was also my issue on getting dates. I've been noticing this from many women if not all. Women put you in 1 of 2 boxes, NEVER both. They either put you in the friendship box, or they put you in the lover box. In order to not be put in the friendship box you need to stop trying to be their friend. From the moment she notices you, you approach her, and make your intentions known. Make her see the "romantic" side of you right away so she doesn't put you in the friend box. I think there may be something to what you are saying here. But I don't think all women are like that. Besides there is still the problem that I don't know right from the start if I'm into them. Are you suggesting I should just hit on any woman I find remotely interesting just in cause we will later develop some sort of interest for each other? The reason you feel that it's always about them, it's because it is in their mind. Women are social creatures, it's how they get off. They constantly have a need to always talk talk talk. So the best way to go about this is to not fight it. Let her talk all she wants (besides it'll make her like you more), but don't let her talk about sad, emotional stuff around you all the time. If she brings up something negative, change the subject to a more happy topic. She'll slowly realize that shes happy being around you since everything you do and talk is happy crap. Stop trying to find someone that "actually cares". The sad truth is, as a man, you're in this world alone and always will be. You need to realize that the only people who will care is your parents, and yourself. I have to disagree with you on what you're saying here. There are most certainly people that cares, although it may be a rare quality. To me it seems to be more of a problem that is being caused by the way I am. My first girlfriend paid very little attention to my wellbeing while finding the time to care a great deal for her girl and boy friends (and no, I'm positive she wasn't interested in the guys either). When I brought it up once she just seemed surprised and said I always seemed fine to her and like I was getting along without a problem. Now obviously that was ****ty of her but what I mean to say here is that all my life people have just seemed to assume things are gonna go well for me. Often when I get to know someone new, after they notice I actually pay attention to what they're saying, they won't stop talking. It becomes very onesided with all the focus on them and that goes for both dates and friends. It's like I can't be nice or supportive even once without people starting bugging me frequently or wanting me to listen to a bunch of petty problems. You're right, that is an issue, you need to show your intentions asap. Tease her, make her laugh. Hit on her. Women are not stupid. They know what you want. So might as well go for it. This is very true. I'm decent with the teasing and laughing but bad with body language or touching them in a natural way. Do you have any suggestions how I can improve this?
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