morganmantle Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 I am 23 year old female, boyfriend is 27 So I found out my boyfriend cheated on me by sleeping with someone at the end of last year, we had been together 7 months. I ended it then even though he said he was sorry etc and 4 months had gone by with limited contact (we share mutual friends) I started dating a guy for a couple of weeks about 6 weeks ago now, my ex heard about this got jealous and started texting me. I had already ended it with the new guy because it just wasn't working but my ex didnt know this at the time. Anyway he got in contact, we met up and he told me how much he still loved me, how sorry he was, the cheating was the biggest mistake of his life things like that, he told me that hearing i was with someone else woke something up inside of him and made him realise im the one for him. We started dating again 6 weeks ago, and things have been brilliant. He has been so loving and affectionate. Leaving things like love hearts and romantic gestures etc. But.....i have a couple of concerns, I have trust issues which i knew there would be because of his cheating, but im trying not to let them effect the relationship. However im concerned about his commitment to me in the long term. Why did he wait until i was with someone else until he made his move? Will he cheat again? Will this loving side last? He admitted to me he wanted me back again after he got jealous and it made him realise what he was losing. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Has anyone taken someone back because they got jealous? Or wanted someone back because you got jealous? How did things work out? Is he only with me so no one else can be with me?
introverted1 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 What sort of insight has your bf shared about why he cheated previously? What self-work has he done to ensure he won't do so again in the future? Frankly, it sounds on the surface as though your bf is motivated by his own feelings -- feelings that led him to sleep with someone else even though he was in a relationship with you, and now feelings of jealousy b/c he heard you were with someone else. Neither of the above are indicative of healthy, adult love. 1
kztar Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 I am 23 year old female, boyfriend is 27 So I found out my boyfriend cheated on me by sleeping with someone at the end of last year, we had been together 7 months. I ended it then even though he said he was sorry etc and 4 months had gone by with limited contact (we share mutual friends) I started dating a guy for a couple of weeks about 6 weeks ago now, my ex heard about this got jealous and started texting me. I had already ended it with the new guy because it just wasn't working but my ex didnt know this at the time. Anyway he got in contact, we met up and he told me how much he still loved me, how sorry he was, the cheating was the biggest mistake of his life things like that, he told me that hearing i was with someone else woke something up inside of him and made him realise im the one for him. We started dating again 6 weeks ago, and things have been brilliant. He has been so loving and affectionate. Leaving things like love hearts and romantic gestures etc. But.....i have a couple of concerns, I have trust issues which i knew there would be because of his cheating, but im trying not to let them effect the relationship. However im concerned about his commitment to me in the long term. Why did he wait until i was with someone else until he made his move? Will he cheat again? Will this loving side last? He admitted to me he wanted me back again after he got jealous and it made him realise what he was losing. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Has anyone taken someone back because they got jealous? Or wanted someone back because you got jealous? How did things work out? Is he only with me so no one else can be with me? wether he is back for the right reasons or not, that doesnt matter at this point. You wont be able to trust him. Also, he's proven to you that he is a cheater. What makes you think he won't do it again. Its a 50/50 chance. I'd rather not go back to a cheater but start with someone new and not have the though "will he cheat on my again". You're also very young, you don't need to trap yourself in this kind of relationship. 1
introverted1 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 You're also very young, you don't need to trap yourself in this kind of relationship. Good point. I see a potential value to working through infidelity issues when a couple is married and/or if there are children in the mix. In this case, though, this is just a guy you dated for a few months. Unless he has taken active steps to explore what led him to make the choice to cheat (from your OP it sounds like it was more than a one-off, too), there's no reason to think he won't do it again. And at 23, you are certainly young enough to look for a guy who won't put you through this sort of heartache and betrayal. 2
Cinnamonstix Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 And at 23, you are certainly young enough to look for a guy who won't put you through this sort of heartache and betrayal. You are never too old, either. 1
tayriley Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 there are plenty of non-cheating fish in the sea. take it from someone with experience- leave this alone. you won't be able to trust him, and it will drive you crazy. not letting your lack-of-trust affect the relationship is IMPOSSIBLE. think about how much pain he's caused you already. getting back with him will only cause more anguish, if not from him cheating again, then from your paranoia from him cheating again. you deserve someone who will give the relationship a real chance. not someone who is looking around looking for 'better' options. and of course, there is the mantra, once a cheater, always a cheater. though it isn't ALWAYS true, cheaters don't change for someone else, they change for themselves...and no way change happens overnight. maybe in a few years he will mature into someone that you'd want to date. but as things are right now, staying with him will just spell disaster. 1
kztar Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Good point. I see a potential value to working through infidelity issues when a couple is married and/or if there are children in the mix. In this case, though, this is just a guy you dated for a few months. Unless he has taken active steps to explore what led him to make the choice to cheat (from your OP it sounds like it was more than a one-off, too), there's no reason to think he won't do it again. And at 23, you are certainly young enough to look for a guy who won't put you through this sort of heartache and betrayal. TI am with you with working through infidelity issues through marriage or even just dating. Some people are not into marriage or anything like that. I am one of those people who don't give up easy even having no children or ring but im 26 and believe me the OP doesn't owe this guy anything. I've been there and done that and from experience at such young age, I will not put up with something like this. I would not go back either. Even if im broken. Eventually time heals and we move on to better and different things. I think the OP is best moving on with her life. She has so much ahead to be looking back!
Emilia Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 He doesn't seem to be particularly decent, why are you with him?
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