Should I let it go or go for it?

[blackcatbunny]

I just met a guy. We get along so well with each other. We even spent 4 hours just to talk **** on our first date. That was crazy. We are a very good matches. lol.

 

But the problem is me. After my last dating thing, I'm always afraid of losing myself in a relationship, I don't want to fall so hard on a relationship and anything kind of. So I acted really cold, I just don't want to open my emotion, and to be honest I'm not ready for a relationship (because of the fear of losing it) so I think it ruined everything.

 

Yesterday, he sent me a message and told me he had second thoughts that we might have different expectations and our relationship between us wouldn't work. I was so suprise. I don't think that he thought about relationship, I just see everything as casual dating, may be something just to have fun.

So we met and talked about it. He told me he's looking for a relationship, and asked me what I'm looking for. To be honest, I don't know. I really don't know. So I just opened my emotions and told him what I'm afraid of. He didn't say a word, just looked at me then hugged me so tight. After talking about it for a while, he said that He's looking for a relationship but he doesn't think that our relationship would work. - I started to wonder is it my faults to make him to think like that?

 

He kept asking me if I want a relationship. i really don't know. Then he asked : So I think you want a relationship, why you don't tell me from the beginning? - I don't know what do I want. I have no expectation when I went to that date - clueless, hopeless - So did he.

 

I gave him some options like we can have a relationship, enemies or we just let it go. Then he asked what do I mean when I said Let it go. - We just let it go, forget everything, like we've never ever met before. And then he hugged me, and told me : No we can't. A relationship may not work but at least we have to stay as enemies. .. So I asked him why he pushed me away. and he said : "I just wanna hold you close. I don't know what I want. It's difficult. I like you, I want a relationship but I don't know. I'm dominant".

Then in the end, we end up with having sex. Talked about tmr plans, about work, about life,... like nothing happened.

 

Now I'm so confusing. I don't know what's he thinking, what does he want.I like him but I just don't have enough brave I think. What should I do? I should just let it go or just go for it? Should I just stay here and wait him to make a move or I should show him that I do care about him and take a step to him?

[blackcatbunny]

I didn't know what I want from the beginning. Even when we met and after, all I thought was we r just having some fun. Until he told me he wants a relationship, suddenly I realized that I'm looking for it, too. But I think I'm just way to stubborn to admit it, so it made him think that a relationship wouldn't work between us. My bad.

So yesterday, I met him. We went out for a walk. He held my hands while we were walking. Took care of me when we crossed the street. When we went to a very crowded place, I was way too short to know what happened up front, he suddenly gave me a lift. Sometime he hugged me from behind.

On our way back, I told him I'm gonna buy a coffee, he told me he's gonna make me one, then we we got back, he just ran into the kitchen and made me a coffee.

 

Now I'm double confusing, if he think a relationship wouldn't work then why he did those thing? I really don't know what's the point here?

[elaine567]

He wanted a relationship, you say you don't know if you want a relationship and shut him out.

BUT you then have sex with him anyway, so now he sees you as a friend, a casual person, a fwb, a fb. YOU are no longer relationship material to him, just someone he can have sex with or just hang out with.

 

Saying you are looking for a relationship doesn't bind you to that person forever, it just says I am seriously looking for someone to spend my life with, it then takes you out of the ONS, casual, fwb, fb category.

It doesn't mean you need to marry the first person who shows up with the same intentions, it just means the two of you are on the same page, but you still reserve the right to say, "No this won't work."