denizli Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Hello everyone, The reason I am writing is to look for some advice from you in a very horrible situation I am going through. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a few years, we broke up on early April because everything was completely messed up and we both could not stand that any longer. It took so much pain and tears to get used to be without him. We never actually met but we had a very strong connection that words cannot explain. We used to mail each other on special occassions and we often videocalled and talked in a daily basis. We had agreed to meet later (since we live in different countries) but then things changed a lot when I went to college and he constantly blamed me for that. I had just started to remake my life when he wrote me last weekend and he acted very weird, he said crazy things and then started threatening me. He has BPD with schizophrenia and he quitted meds a few months ago without medical supervision. He really scared me with his threats about sending someone to kill me and my family, he even gave me details on how it would happen because he thinks me as his enemy. I feel very worried about my safety but mostly about my family's safety. I just want him gone and I do not want any more trouble but I feel very stressed all the time thinking he could hurt me or people around me. I do not know what to do. I really cannot live like this, it is a constant feeling of terror, sadness and stress. Could you please advise me on this? Thanks in advance.
LD1990 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Send someone to kill you and your family? Unless you were talking to Tony Soprano I think you can rule out these flimsy little threats. He's just saying this stuff to get to you, block him on everything so you don't have to deal with it. You can tell the police, but it's doubtful they'll do anything. They'll take one look at the situation and come to the conclusion that these aren't credible threats. In the future - avoid online "relationships." If you've never actually met the person, you don't really know him and you're "connecting" with words on a computer screen.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Save all of your messages from him. Do not respond to him. Block/delete him in every way you can. Permanently. Report him to the police. Period. Never, ever get involved with someone online you have never met in person. These are likely empty threats but you don't know that for sure. It's not worth the risk to your well-being.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Send someone to kill you and your family? Unless you were talking to Tony Soprano I think you can rule out these flimsy little threats. He's just saying this stuff to get to you, block him on everything so you don't have to deal with it. This is extremely dangerous advice, given that the guy has a mental disorder and is not tasking med's. People like this KILL. We just had one such case in the UK. You can tell the police, but it's doubtful they'll do anything. They'll take one look at the situation and come to the conclusion that these aren't credible threats.On the contrary, they take such issues extremely seriously. "Help me, I think some guy's tryn'a kill me!" doesn't get as much attention as "I'm being stalked and threatened by a young man whom I know to be mentally unstable, and is making threats against my life on FB - can I show you?" which carries a lot more weight. In the future - avoid online "relationships." If you've never actually met the person, you don't really know him and you're "connecting" with words on a computer screen.Given that a vast proportion of current "Millennial" relationships begin on line, via dating sites, this may be impractical advice. Although understandable. Save all of your messages from him. Do not respond to him. Block/delete him in every way you can. Permanently. Report him to the police. Period. Never, ever get involved with someone online you have never met in person. These are likely empty threats but you don't know that for sure. It's not worth the risk to your well-being. Exactly.
LD1990 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 This is extremely dangerous advice, given that the guy has a mental disorder and is not tasking med's. People like this KILL. We just had one such case in the UK. On the contrary, they take such issues extremely seriously. "Help me, I think some guy's tryn'a kill me!" doesn't get as much attention as "I'm being stalked and threatened by a young man whom I know to be mentally unstable, and is making threats against my life on FB - can I show you?" which carries a lot more weight. The guy lives in a different country than her and they've never even met. He wasn't able to meet her in four years but he has the resources to hire a hitman? He's a guy who's hurt so he's trying to scare his ex. If they lived closer, sure, she could take more precautions. But come on, what are the police going to do here? She goes in, they take a report. That's it. Again, he's in a different country, they're not going to be tracking him down. If she wants the illusion of protection, sure, she should go to the police. But all they'll do is take a report and send her on her way. Given that a vast proportion of current "Millennial" relationships begin on line, via dating sites, this may be impractical advice. Although understandable.There's a big difference between meeting someone online and an online "relationship." I'm all for meeting online, as long as it progresses to meeting in person. But these online relationships where people meet online and then spend months or years without meeting in person? Bad news and a waste of time.
PegNosePete Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 He wasn't able to meet her in four years but he has the resources to hire a hitman? Why not? After such a long relationship he presumably knows where she lives, works, hangs out, etc. Do you know how much money he has? Do you know how many criminal contacts he has? He is mentally unstable or did you miss that part? What will the police do? Well, probably not much they can do. But at least it'll be on record in case anything DOES happen. There's a big difference between meeting someone online and an online "relationship." I'm all for meeting online, as long as it progresses to meeting in person. But these online relationships where people meet online and then spend months or years without meeting in person? Bad news and a waste of time. Agreed with that. Meeting online, great! Online relationship, no thanks. 1
keiji Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 What will the police do? Well, probably not much they can do. But at least it'll be on record in case anything DOES happen. Totally seconded. That's exactly what an ex-girlfriend who's now a police officer just recommended me to do after receiving three anonymous threats regarding my latest ex-g ("Leave XXXX alone" etc.; I'd never contacted her since the breakup, go figure, and will never contact her again after this). Two weeks ago, somebody cut a cable of my motorcycle. Maybe it's unrelated, but it's too much of a coincidence. Fortunately, that shoddy thug can't even guess the right cables. The police will probably not do anything about it at this point, specially considering that he lives in a different country, but it's important to make a record of it, which will increase the evidence against him in the remote case something happened. i'm sure everything will be OK, though. Just apply the "constructive paranoia" idea for a while. 1
elaine567 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Yes, you have to report it, he may even be known to the police already.
Toodaloo Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Report it. Give the police details and copies of emails etc. Do not contact him again but pass on anything more he sends.
LD1990 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Why not? After such a long relationship he presumably knows where she lives, works, hangs out, etc. Do you know how much money he has? Do you know how many criminal contacts he has? He is mentally unstable or did you miss that part? What will the police do? Well, probably not much they can do. But at least it'll be on record in case anything DOES happen. I didn't miss the part about him being mentally unstable and off his meds. You're questioning me, but we're coming to the same basic conclusion - the police will file a report and that's it. They're not going to send officers to protect her. They're not going to attempt to get some guy in another country locked up for making threats (all the police I've encountered had plenty of criminals and other issues in their own country to worry about). So yes, if this guy is sincere in his death threats, that police report will make him a suspect after he does something, but I don't see how that's a very comforting thought for the OP. Protection that kicks in after I get murdered doesn't seem all that useful to me. If the OP is really scared and thinks this guy is legit, she should get a home security system and a handgun, because those will both do a whole lot more than a piece of paper down at the police station. And sure, file the damn police report, but don't rely on that for protection.
forigner Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 The biggest problem for you is projection of him in your head. Probability that he will hurt you or kill you is so small, you have to understand why he telling you, he want you to feel exactly what you feel now, want you to run to him and look into him as protection. That is why he is sick. I had experience with my ex-gf similar, her ex-husband was something like that, her case was complicated was child involved, and he had child, do not get me wrong he was good father, but lousy husband. She would receive similar messages, and what I learned that she is more scared in her mind then she have reasons, I even meet the guy he seems ok. I was spending nights talking to her and trying to talk to her sense that nobody can't protect her until she is not ready to protect her self and the best protection is your calm mind and logical thinking. If will be peace of mind for you to file Police report do it. Getting gun in your condition think about it, fear and stress can cause you to do something stupid and hurt somebody by mistake you will have to live with that. If you try to rush in relationship with some guy just to feel safe do not because you have to feel safe in your head.
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