jackmastadon Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 my girlfriend says she loves, but when we're together. it doesn't feel like it. i don't know why. i carry a lump in my throat, afraid something will go wrong. its just something i sense i don't know if i'm wrong or paranoid. something feels wrong i don't why. if i move on i could be just another crazy man who ends up alone. 2
Stillits Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Most of the time your intuition picks up subtle signals and subtexts that you don't consciously interpret. And I find that my intuition in regards to personal relationships have been spot on. If you feel that something is not right and you have had that feeling for a while, you definitely need to listen to yourself. You most likely know what to do, inside yourself. 5
Toodaloo Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 By the tone of your post you sound a bit insecure. Know this. Being alone can be enlightening and empowering. Its not so bad. It can be quite good fun. Also you have been on your own before and ended up in a relationship and if you have done it once you can do it again. So if she doesn't love you and it does all end its not the end of the world. I suspect though that if you just calm down and learn to enjoy the moment that actually those worries and doubts will go away. 3
Satu Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 In the majority of cases 'funny feelings' have a sound basis, but sometimes they don't. If this feeling persists, a conversation will be necessary at some point. Only you can know when that point has come. Take care. 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Need more info. Does it happen in certain situations or times of the day?? Do You Have SOME EXPECTATIONS Of LOVE From Past RELATIONSHIPS You EXPECTATIONS But She Isn't doing. (Sorry for the caps..on my cell) Is she someone who doesn't do PDAs??? 2
kztar Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Funny feelings don't come out of nowhere. I've been there and honestly, if you have a funny feeling im sure something is off. Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your gf and just be open minded and ready to walk away if you have to. 1
Author jackmastadon Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 i have had many conversations... they mostly turn into arguments. she has many guy friends. and rapport that i don't have because we just met. to stay with her i'm in a city where i don't know anyone. so, i'm forced to trust her tho i'm inclined not to. it doesn't feel right but i have no tangible evidence to talk myself out of the paranoia. what she says goes most of the time. in my previous threads friends have said she is gas lighting me.
tayriley Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) you really need to describe what you see are the problems in the relationship so you can get the best advice. there's not much to go on here other than your 'feeling.' i can tell you that plenty of guys i've known get an itch to be single when they are in a LTR because they believe the grass is greener on the other side. newsflash-- the grass is greener where you water it. with what you've said here, though- that anytime you bring up something that bothers you, it turns into an argument- this does tell me there is something either wrong with her, you, or both of you. a healthy couple should be able to talk out their issues without too much arguing (a little is fine). you mention she has male friends- a lot of women do. it does not automatically mean she is cheating on you. if she hasnt given you reason to believe she is cheating (shady behavior), then you need to keep your jealousy in check here. by pda, do you mean public display of affection?? some people don't like this. it doesnt mean they aren't into you. it just means they feel self-conscious or dont want others watching them or dislike watching others PDA, and thereby dont do it themselves (i have a female friend that is this way). if pda is something YOU crave, though, then you may need to face the fact that you aren't compatible. it seems like you are lonely in this city and dont know what to do with yourself. i suggest you go do some meetups and find some friends. chat with coworkers and see if they want to get a drink after work. stuff like that. this girl shouldn't be your only source of human contact. that is not healthy. Edited May 19, 2016 by tayriley 2
Emilia Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Agree that more detail is needed. It needs to be a rational discussion rather than gut feeling. Gut feeling is based on the way you were raised, that's why a lot of people who grew up in a dysfunctional family can't hold down relationships: their gut feelings are wrong and their people picker is off. Need more specific details. 2
pteromom Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 my girlfriend says she loves, but when we're together. it doesn't feel like it. i don't know why. Imagine feeling really LOVED, and secure. In this scenario, what is going on? What is your gf saying/doing to make you feel that way? Where are you? Where is she? If she is with you, what does she do/say when she is away from you to keep you feeling loved and secure? You need to define what makes you feel loved, because the answer to that question is different for all of us. Then, you need to communicate that to your gf. i don't know if i'm wrong or paranoid. something feels wrong i don't why. Is this feeling based on any kind of EVIDENCE, or is it just fear of her cheating or of you being left alone? If she has done anything shady, you are smart to listen to your gut. If you have never been this way in any other relationship, and now suddenly find yourself scared and insecure, you are smart to listen to your gut. But if you are always anxious or if your gf has done nothing but try to love you, you better shut that down and start teaching yourself to work through anxiety and fear by yourself - there are lots of books on Amazon that can help you with it. And - communicate your needs. Make sure anything you are communicating isn't about controlling HER (don't go out, don't have male friends, please feel guilty about going out because I am left alone and sad, don't wear short skirts because I feel like you want to cheat, etc) but are about YOU (I love it when you play with my hair while we watch tv, I would really enjoy it if you would kiss and hug me goodbye when you go out, I read "The 5 Love Languages" and learned that my love languages are physical touch and quality time. What are yours? Oh you haven't read it - here you go...) Bottom line: 1. Learn what you need rather than focusing on vague "feelings" 2. Communicate your needs! 2
smackie9 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 You pointed out things that you don't like about her, and your expectations are not being fulfilled....this mean you are not right for each other and you should move on. 1
Zoe5.5 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 my girlfriend says she loves, but when we're together. it doesn't feel like it. i don't know why. i carry a lump in my throat, afraid something will go wrong. its just something i sense i don't know if i'm wrong or paranoid. something feels wrong i don't why. if i move on i could be just another crazy man who ends up alone. Hello , in my humble opinion I believe that you are not crazy, just anxious , rather an anxiety attack. Try taking some deep breaths and grab a soda and relax before seeing her on a date . Then get together with her and have fun. I am wishing the best for you. Enjoy your day. 1
Author jackmastadon Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 Yes Cos half way through she went out with another guy to a concert in another city with him, and said she got a motel room. She said nothing happened. I believed her. But, I never really got over it.
Author jackmastadon Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 And also please refer to my previous thread if you can which refers to her continually texting this other dude.
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