zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 What are the stages of a women emotionally detaching themselves from males in a subtle ways... sounds simple but I did not see it? except for two weeks, but I still did stuff with her. in those two weeks? ladies spill all your secrets!! By the way this forum is great, people are really good here, I am on a few other technology based forums and man do the communicate differently... allot of flaming and stuff, here feels quite supportive..
Mz. Pixie Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Let's see- detaching? First of all, sex is the first to go. We do not want to have sex with a man we aren't feeling on that level. When you ask what's wrong we say nothing. Lying. Not wanting to talk to you or spend time with you. Zack, you seem a little unusually upset over this breakup. Might I suggest some real counseling? LS is great but I think you could benefit from some IC.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 for me...it would be semi-passive aggressive. Doing things that i knew you did not like, or think was "good", be it smoking, drinking in excess. doing things that were annoying, not calling when i said, not calling at all. Basically i would become a lazy-bum-dead-weight on the relationship.
francis Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 when girls feelings cool or fade, its possible for us to actually raise issues and reasons that the relationship won't work out. pick fights. finding excuses not be around the guy. not responding to messages. wanting the guy out of the way. declining offers or invitations. less touchy-feely. moodiness. being non committal to future plans. being vague about our feelings.
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Detachment is easy to detect... just compare their current behavior with that from the day before, when everything was great. If it's less friendly or what have you, take warning, sailor. Could be a sign of things to come.
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Let's see- detaching? First of all, sex is the first to go. We do not want to have sex with a man we aren't feeling on that level. When you ask what's wrong we say nothing. Lying. Not wanting to talk to you or spend time with you. Zack, you seem a little unusually upset over this breakup. Might I suggest some real counseling? LS is great but I think you could benefit from some IC. Sorry Pixie... am seeing a counselor, I find it fasinating what people can offer in there wisdom. Yeah I'm upset about it, and looking for possible reasons, of why it happened. And not to let it happen again, hence I was just probing to see what people have to say about the this issue for future reference... aka next time... nothing more. With different perspectives, I create a bigger wider picture and that entails makes me feel better. Should I not relate my story to people? Perhaps not, but I have also contributed to other people problems to without asking them advice on my situation. I can relate to people based on what I know. I have found LS to be a basket of knowledge and perhaps if I had found it sooner, would not be sitting here @ 4:30 in the morning. Hey if nothing else it takes my mind off things... Knowledge is power always has been always will be. Information is the first step to knowledge I accept your point and
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Detachment is easy to detect... just compare their current behavior with that from the day before, when everything was great. If it's less friendly or what have you, take warning, sailor. Could be a sign of things to come. THe man! Dude you are the smartest person here, I reckon your working in IT? (stab in the dark) I did not see anyting different only one thing.... when I called her it was HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY until she realised it was me, then it became less enthusastic... SHOULD HAVE FLAGGED IT!!! doh! (homer J simpson) I just thought it was becuase we were ummm having a bad few weeks. heheh man I am stupid.
francis Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 i think its really brave and admirable to be wanting to learn from mistakes in order to make your next relationship a better one, be that with the same or with a different person. this site is really useful, if only to hear an outsider's perspective. friends care, but sometimes try to protect u by hiding what they really think of your situation. i think ultimately, the truth manifests itself in your own mind. in my own situation, i really wish i could go to sleep and wake up 6 months from now to find out the outcome of this situation, avoid all the pain and having to deal with this. but you can't do that. you have to live it, face the situation, wake up each day and deal. and yes, hopefully learn what it is that makes a relationship so hard, but so worthwhile working for.
scared shy Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 It becomes no longer about compromise. It's what can you do for me until you are tired of always being the one giving and then you get lost. Did that sound bitchy?
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 THe man! Dude you are the smartest person here, I reckon your working in IT? (stab in the dark) I did not see anyting different only one thing.... when I called her it was HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY until she realised it was me, then it became less enthusastic... SHOULD HAVE FLAGGED IT!!! doh! (homer J simpson) I just thought it was becuase we were ummm having a bad few weeks. heheh man I am stupid. notice how you are Totally relating to the Male Response?
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita notice how you are Totally relating to the Male Response? Sorry I will respond to the very kind ladies that offered someting... its 5:25 and I need sleep... In fact I think highly of them for offering these things... again sorry if it appears that I am doing this, been busy in another thread at present, In advance THANK YOU ladies... without your wisdom I will never learn... I hope noone is offended, I just dig West's style on things thats all...
Mz. Pixie Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Zack, I'm not trying to suggest you shouldn't tell your story- I never said that. You've posted quite a few topics that are simply variations on the same issue- that is why I'm saying that perhaps counseling can help. Is it???? I've been here a little bit longer than you have and my advice is usually appreciated-I have helped many people here too. You just happened to not want to hear what I had to say.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 Sorry I will respond to the very kind ladies that offered someting... its 5:25 and I need sleep... In fact I think highly of them for offering these things... again sorry if it appears that I am doing this, been busy in another thread at present, In advance THANK YOU ladies... without your wisdom I will never learn... I hope noone is offended, I just dig West's style on things thats all... i was only pointing out, that YES, you think like a Guy....which is why you may not be seeing the Female signs as clearly. No offense taken, and none was implied .
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita i was only pointing out, that YES, you think like a Guy....which is why you may not be seeing the Female signs as clearly. No offense taken, and none was implied . Takes a guy who's been there to explain it to a guy who's getting there.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Takes a guy who's been there to explain it to a guy who's getting there. Hindsight is 20/20.
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita Hindsight is 20/20. Theoretically, at least. Some females, like my sister, are clueless about this stuff. They're trapped in princessland and can't be objective to save their life. Others, like my mother, are quite good at cutting through the BS. I'm amazed at how similar we think regarding things like this. Guess it depends on how grounded a person is (if at all).
alphamale Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Guess it depends on how grounded a person is (if at all). Dude....the day I meet a "well grounded" female is the same day that my nut-sack shrivels up and falls off
laRubiaBonita Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Dude....the day I meet a "well grounded" female is the same day that my nut-sack shrivels up and falls off not very far off then!
francis Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 hey lets not go down the men-bashing/women bashing route... all insights are useful, just take what you want from them... a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest
JustDumpedHim Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Detachment? I'll tell you what I did - I started coming up with alot of excuses not to see him, excuses why I wasn't in the mood and excuses to cut our phone conversations short. He never had a clue until I just stopped calling him - period. He'll sit in the dark for days trying to figure out what's wrong before he puts two and two together...........I just don't care anymore! I had enough of his selfish, narcisstic behavior - he turned me off and I got sick of everytime we were together it was always all about him. BORING! Nothing is more of a turn off than a guy who goes on and on about himself............gag! So I detached and was pretty loud and clear about it - he was too into himself to see what I was doing until it was too late. Heed the warning signs!
midlifecrazy Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Hey Mz Pixie, reading through these posts it sounds like Mrs MLC is the poster child for detachment. 1) Check any which apply 2) All of the above.
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