Blueberry97 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 A month ago my boyfriend (now ex) of a little over two years broke up with me. We had planned a future together and he always told me how happy he was with me, but I was too insecure so he broke up with me and said it was necessary in order for us to get back together eventually and be happier. I was shocked and devastated, and in my state of confusion and pain I became physically involved with one of my guy friends. For the first few weeks my ex didn't know about it, and we were getting along really well and things were really looking up for us but I broke down and told him I had feelings for my guy friend and he was so angry and said he doesn't kbow who I am at all and we're no longer friends and asked how I ever said I love him when now I'm talking about some other guy and that he's mad at himself for not seeing it earlier. I think he thinks I cheated on him, because when me and my boyfriend were together I'du hang out alone with him sometimes and I think a light bulb went off in my ex's head when I told him about my guy friend. I never did anythIng with my friend while I was in a relationship and I made a huge mistake and feel terrible, and have felt so depressed lately because I ruined everything and I hate myself for what I did. I don't think I'll ever get over him, and I don't get the chance to tell him I didn't cheat because he is just so angry and won't respond to any text messages I send or talk about what happened but will talk to me in person like small talk. The day before I told him, he told me I was such a great person and such a great friend to him and that he always wanted me in his life, and now he is so angry and is disgusted with me. I still love him and it hurts to have lost him as a lover and now as a friend too. 1
preraph Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Well, you can't call him your guy friend anymore, because you did IT. Guys can't handle even a whiff of you liking another man. Worse than women about it. More possessiveness and ego involved or something. And you did mess up and then you told him and it's over for him. There's no coming back from that. I'm sorry. You'll know better next time. We all make an occasional mistake, but try not to do things you may regret later. At least think about it in those terms before you do it. Ask yourself, If all my friends and people I love or like knew I did this, would I still do it? If it's something you'd rather keep quiet, probably best to not do it. Good luck. You'll have to move on. 1
greenly24 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I'm sorry you're feeling kind of stuck, but I think it's good that you were honest with your boyfriend. I don't know what your boyfriend is thinking, but I'm guessing he feels kind of betrayed and it's probably going to take him some time to process things. Unfortunately, I think it's just going to take time. I hope that you and he are able to become friends again. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 You can't be friends with an EX, especially not in the immediate aftermath of a break up. His plan to break up with you because you were insecure so that you could eventually get back together was ill-conceived & irrational at best. The fact that you sought comfort from another guy is not the problem. Your EX already threw you away so he gave up his right to have an opinion about the choices you make. Find a new guy who doesn't make you feel insecure. 1
Satu Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 You can't be friends with an EX, especially not in the immediate aftermath of a break up. His plan to break up with you because you were insecure so that you could eventually get back together was ill-conceived & irrational at best. The fact that you sought comfort from another guy is not the problem. Your EX already threw you away so he gave up his right to have an opinion about the choices you make. Find a new guy who doesn't make you feel insecure. ^ Reposted for wisdom. 1
Satu Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 He broke up with you, and that made you a single woman. What you chose to do is not his business. He's not your boyfriend anymore. No need for any guilty feelings.
Giggles666 Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 You didn't mess up, you were single. Perhaps telling him about the new guy was not a good idea, but not wrong. I agree with the one poster, NC especially after a break up. LOL I also agree us guys have egos. You just moved on after he let you go. As for the insecurity, maybe find out if it was just something you felt with him, maybe you always feel insecure. You probably feel guilt because you are a decent human being and are able to put yourself in others' shoes. As for him thinking you cheated, that's tough. It's very hard to be misunderstood, in fact I am dealing with it right now. Eventually you will not care, your friends and people who know you will understand you. Also with time it subsides.
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