Why can't we express feelings?

May 19, 2016

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OMG no.... boggles my mind as well.... in fact there is a thread floating around here somewhere (maybe in the rants section), or maybe in the general section (created by preraph) or both.... which discusses it.

Many theories as to why.... for the young men... one theory is lack of male role models due to divorce, the high rate of single moms and women choosing to raise their kids with no dad.

Our young men have become de-masculinzed as a result.

Yes very sad.

Well to be fair there's only a limited amount of masculinity in the world... and when I was born I took probably a good 30% of that....

You see when I was born all the nurses gathered around and stared and wide-eyed Wonder at the joy they had found then the head nurse spoke up said you better leave this one alone she could tell right away baby I was bad to the bone.

May 19, 2016

Lemme get this straight: We have the OP of this thread wondering why he "can't express feelings" to a girl who REJECTED him (read the OP's other threads), and we have another guy well past adolescence who feels let down because Disney didn't teach him the ways of the world.

This is all just so wrong. It's pathetic actually. Am I the only one who reads threads like these and wonders what is wrong with the next generation?

I read another thread where a guy was upset that a woman 'used him for sex' and then didn't stay the night.

Haven't read this Disney thread... I'll need to have a butchers at that one tomorrow.

It's like putting out fires.

[/i][/b]

OMG no.... boggles my mind as well.... in fact there is a thread floating around here somewhere (maybe in the rants section), or maybe in the general section (created by preraph) or both.... which discusses it.

Many theories as to why.... for the young men... one theory is lack of male role models due to divorce, the high rate of single moms and women choosing to raise their kids with no dad.

Our young men have become de-masculinzed as a result.

Yes very sad.

This is what happens when feminism becomes the primary ideology. You make men disposable, and make them an easily replaceable part of the family unit (they obviously aren't)

You convince men and women that male sexuality is 'wrong', make men ashamed of it and that the fix for it is (of course) feminism.

How can anyone be surprised that men are becoming more feminised when the whole point of 'equality' is androgyny? They don't actually believe in gender: they think it's a 'social construct' that can be changed via social engineering. They won't accept that men and women are biologically different, and that these changes are screwing people up.

Are people really surprised that the intent has caused the result!?

I don't even know why it bothers me. Really, it means less competition for me. But, it just offends me on such a visceral level to see men reduced to this.

May 19, 2016

I read another thread where a guy was upset that a woman 'used him for sex' and then didn't stay the night.

Haven't read this Disney thread... I'll need to have a butchers at that one tomorrow.

It's like putting out fires.

This is what happens when feminism becomes the primary ideology. You make men disposable, and make them an easily replaceable part of the family unit (they obviously aren't)

You convince men and women that male sexuality is 'wrong', make men ashamed of it and that the fix for it is (of course) feminism.

How can anyone be surprised that men are becoming more feminised when the whole point of 'equality' is androgyny? They don't actually believe in gender: they think it's a 'social construct' that can be changed via social engineering. They won't accept that men and women are biologically different, and that these changes are screwing people up.

Are people really surprised that the intent has caused the result!?

I don't even know why it bothers me. Really, it means less competition for me. But, it just offends me on such a visceral level to see men reduced to this.

Okay so if that's the systemic social problem's cause. What's the solution? My vote is for mandatory military service. For women. With only male officers. That would ensure they're trained right.

May 19, 2016

I think it is a very subjective thing. Both men I have married were very expressive with their feelings and I took such comments as compliments. I wasn't threatened by their emotions and felt they needed to fill some role that made them deaf, dumb and mute to fit some ideal male make up.

A man who, in a relationship, can be open and honest about how he feels, can be expressive and emotional is a wonderful thing to behold.

But hearing my husband say, when we first started dating, how I made him crazy inside, that he thought of me constantly, and he couldn't stop thinking of me was a very heady thing.

Having a man grunt, "yeah your cool" just really falls flat.

Well, there's a whole lot of middle ground between butterflies and "yeah, you're cool."

May 19, 2016

But, it just offends me on such a visceral level to see men reduced to this.

It doesn't offend me, but it does affect me on a visceral level as well.

Not sure why exactly... perhaps because my dad was a U.S. Marine, self-contained, but yet the most attentive and loving dad in the world.

I have five brothers as well, I am the only girl.

And if my dad ever heard any of my brothers telling some girl he felt butterflies in his stomach, or felt he was lied to by Disney, I think my dad might just smack him upside the head.

Joking of course but this is what I grew up surrounded by.

So when I see or hear of men acting this way, I dunno, it just really affects me.

May 19, 2016

I create the most interesting threads

Thanks for all the in put. You know it really shows how some people's thinking is on matters. There are no absolutes, it's opinion and ones own feelings. You know you can still be masculine with softness to you. That's why my swag is pure. I am not afraid to be me.

Real men admit their feelings and are not afraid to show it. I cry over certain movies

, doesn't make me feminine, just that I am honest and comfortable with myself because I am a real man and real men have feelings.

Yeah I get the creepy thing. Just caught up in my own moment. Think I got this now.

Thanks

May 19, 2016

I think the reason it bothers me is the same reason I don't like going into a strip club: I'm embarrassed for the person humiliating themself.

May 19, 2016

Thank you all. Makes sense when I think about it. I just try to rationalize it in my head by being different and thinking she might take it as a breath of fresh air for a guy being vulnerable like that.

you are right...it is like a breath of fresh air when guys are masculine enough to show vulnerability....but theres ways to show vulnerability that allow the another person to appreciate that side of you...and with vulnerability there has to be a little restraint...the fact you are asking here for advice says to me you arent sure(you dont know her that well)....and for me unsurety means that you should show a littl erestraint and let your actions be led by what you do know and feel about her.......deb....

Edited May 19, 2016 by todreaminblue

May 19, 2016

It is going extremely well with her, I am very happy where we are at right now. If I can just be her friend like this I don't need anymore. I am just grateful to socialize with her.

May 19, 2016

Real men admit their feelings and are not afraid to show it. I cry over certain movies, doesn't make me feminine, just that I am honest and comfortable with myself because I am a real man and real men have feelings.

Intellectually I KNOW you are absolutely right. Of course men have feelings, they're human after all.

But emotionally, I dunno I know it's wrong, but when I see (read) men emoting all over the place, especially on this board cuz I don't see it much on the outside, my first thought is.... ugh!!

What are you doing? You're not supposed to have feelings, you're not supposed to get upset or be confused or whine or cry, want to die, feel gutted etc. when a woman breaks it off with you. Man up! Grow a pair why don't ya!

You are supposed to let it all roll off cuz you're a MAN. Strong, tough, resilient.

You are supposed to be tough, strong and take care of things. You are supposed to comfort me when I cry and am upset!!

THIS is how I was raised, what I was raised to believe a "real' man was, cuz of my dad and my five brothers. Dad always took care of things, comforted me when I was upset and cried.... because some boy broke my heart. Or whatever.

So now as an adult women, I carry these same notions into my life and RLs.

All my bfs have been super strong, tough, resilient. Even though I am extremely independent, they were my rock when I needed them to be.

Now I realize that wasn't fair. I know for a fact my recent ex (the one who turned to drugs) was very sensitive but he grew up with a dad like mine and learned he needed to suppress his emotions.

I rarely saw him hurt over anything. Angry and pissed at various things yes (god yes) but he never expressed hurt or emotional pain. Even when I hurt him sometimes, which I KNOW I did, he was always very self-contained.

I was attracted to that! I saw it as strength, even though maybe now I realize it wasn't. I dunno.

I think now this is why he turned to alcohol and drugs. Because he wasn't allowed to express his deepest fears and emotions.

Subconsciously I guess I didn't allow it, but even if I did, I don't think he would have felt comfortable with it anyway.... cuz it was not how he was raised.

He was raised to be strong and tough, resilient and self-contained (like my dad!).

Anyhoo like I said, I know I am wrong for feeling this way.....not sure how to shake it though as this is what has been instilled in me from ever since I can remember.

Edited May 19, 2016 by katiegrl

May 20, 2016

Intellectually I KNOW you are absolutely right. Of course men have feelings, they're human after all.

But emotionally, I dunno I know it's wrong, but when I see (read) men emoting all over the place, especially on this board cuz I don't see it much on the outside, my first thought is.... ugh!!

What are you doing? You're not supposed to have feelings, you're not supposed to get upset or be confused or whine or cry, want to die, feel gutted etc. when a woman breaks it off with you. Man up! Grow a pair why don't ya!

You are supposed to let it all roll off cuz you're a MAN. Strong, tough, resilient.

You are supposed to be tough, strong and take care of things. You are supposed to comfort me when I cry and am upset!!

THIS is how I was raised, what I was raised to believe a "real' man was, cuz of my dad and my five brothers. Dad always took care of things, comforted me when I was upset and cried.... because some boy broke my heart. Or whatever.

So now as an adult women, I carry these same notions into my life and RLs.

All my bfs have been super strong, tough, resilient. Even though I am extremely independent, they were my rock when I needed them to be.

Now I realize that wasn't fair. I know for a fact my recent ex (the one who turned to drugs) was very sensitive but he grew up with a dad like mine and learned he needed to suppress his emotions.

I rarely saw him hurt over anything. Angry and pissed at various things yes (god yes) but he never expressed hurt or emotional pain. Even when I hurt him sometimes, which I KNOW I did, he was always very self-contained.

I was attracted to that! I saw it as strength, even though maybe now I realize it wasn't. I dunno.

I think now this is why he turned to alcohol and drugs. Because he wasn't allowed to express his deepest fears and emotions.

Subconsciously I guess I didn't allow it, but even if I did, I don't think he would have felt comfortable with it anyway.... cuz it was not how he was raised.

He was raised to be strong and tough, resilient and self-contained (like my dad!).

Anyhoo like I said, I know I am wrong for feeling this way.....not sure how to shake it though as this is what has been instilled in me from ever since I can remember.

That is some pretty deep stuff.

Yeah on the outside I act tough and confident, sometimes coming off cocky arrogant but inside I am a marsh mellow.

It is perceived this way because it's how Hollywood and the media project men to be. Some guys probably really are stone cold. Some straight men might be very emotional and have feminine tendencies.

I don't understand my own feelings with this woman. I know I don't love her because I don't know her enough, but I feel something. It's not quite butterflies but it's an emotion of attraction and attachment. Like I know I was rejected, she was cold for the first two days after that but day 3she opened up 4 and 5 even more and then this entire week she was really engaging me when she did not have to at all.

I think she wants me to be a friend, I am not looking into it any deeper then that. But because of her hurt past and being guarded maybe she does feel something for me because of my asking her out and she can tell I am genuine, but now she has the ball in her court so maybe I need to appreciate the friendliness she is showing me and appreciate the development of a healthy friendship.

May 20, 2016

I think you may have misunderstood.

My dad was tough, resilient and self-contained, yes.

But he had very deep feelings, he just didn't feel it was his place to burden others with them. He contained them within himself.

He was also extremely warm and caring, which he showed us through his actions.

Not stone cold at all!!! Hardly.

That is why I am not big on flowery hallmark type of lovey dovey sweet talk.

In fact I find it a turn off......to me it seems contrived.

I judge how a man feels by his actions, I talk about this on this board all the time.

Because that is how my dad, and my brothers express their love, thorough action rather than words. It how I was raised.

I trust action more than words, in fact words don't mean much to me at all.

Just me though, many women go for that stuff. Not all though, you will have to judge each woman for yourself before you start pouring your heart out. :)

Edited May 20, 2016 by katiegrl

May 20, 2016

That's why my swag is pure. I am not afraid to be me.

Real men admit their feelings and are not afraid to show it. I cry over certain movies
, doesn't make me feminine, just that I am honest and comfortable with myself because I am a real man and real men have feelings.

Alright then, Mr 'pure swag'.

You never answered my question. Do you want to have sex with this girl or not?

Do you want to screw this girl all over your bed like a man, or talk to her about butterflies and shoes like a woman?

If you want to have sex with her, and you are telling her "I don't need to date you; I just want to spend time with you", that is nothing more than bottling out. You aren't being honest with her, us, or yourself.

Telling yourself that it's 'pure swag' is just to save your own ego.

May 20, 2016

What would Clint Eastwood/John Wayne do?

May 20, 2016

What would Clint Eastwood/John Wayne do?

Certainly not this:

It is going extremely well with her, I am very happy where we are at right now. If I can just be her friend like this I don't need anymore. I am just grateful to socialize with her.

Guy has friendzoned himself, and has her on such a pedestal that he is grateful just to be in her presence breathing the same air smh.

If this is 'pure swag' I don't want any part of it.

May 20, 2016

Guy has friendzoned himself, and has her on such a pedestal that he is grateful just to be in her presence breathing the same air smh.

If this is 'pure swag' I don't want any part of it.

LMAO, yeah he did. Like asking to get tortured. Me, I don't mind the whips and chains so much, but asking for that is a little more exciting I think.

But it isn't truly a lost cause for him yet. If he's already speaking to her, nothing'll beat: 'you know I wanted to get to know you before asking you out. I want to do all the passionate things you can imagine and more the day I met you but.... no one wants to do that with someone they don't really know. Now I feel like I know you enough to make sure you're a good fit for me and what I want.

So how's dinner and a movie around 6 on Friday sound?'

She says yes, he just plays it cool til he gets alone to do his happy dance (you and I both know he hadn't done this enough to not do one).

She turns him down now, he just blows her off completely---it would be hard, but he could do it. That cold withdrawal of all the hot smoke he's been blowing up her rear oughta might make her miss it and change her mind.

Either way, with his current attitude and preconceptions I give him a 15% shot even with the words I just spoon-fed him. Not that I've got the best words. Still, that's way way better than the mary poppins stuff he was going with--and I'm not sure many guys could get themselves outta the hole that he's already dug.

May 20, 2016

LMAO, yeah he did. Like asking to get tortured. Me, I don't mind the whips and chains so much, but asking for that is a little more exciting I think.

But it isn't truly a lost cause for him yet. If he's already speaking to her, nothing'll beat: 'you know I wanted to get to know you before asking you out. I want to do all the passionate things you can imagine and more the day I met you but.... no one wants to do that with someone they don't really know. Now I feel like I know you enough to make sure you're a good fit for me and what I want.

So how's dinner and a movie around 6 on Friday sound?'

She says yes, he just plays it cool til he gets alone to do his happy dance (you and I both know he hadn't done this enough to not do one).

She turns him down now, he just blows her off completely---it would be hard, but he could do it. That cold withdrawal of all the hot smoke he's been blowing up her rear oughta might make her miss it and change her mind.

Either way, with his current attitude and preconceptions I give him a 15% shot even with the words I just spoon-fed him. Not that I've got the best words. Still, that's way way better than the mary poppins stuff he was going with--and I'm not sure many guys could get themselves outta the hole that he's already dug.

She's already said no to dates. She's not interested. He didn't friend zone himself. The woman doesn't want to be with him. Your boy games don't work

On grown women.

May 20, 2016

She's already said no to dates. She's not interested. He didn't friend zone himself. The woman doesn't want to be with him. Your boy games don't work
On grown women.

LMAO.

And what do you consider a 'grown woman'?

I'm going out with a 31 year old next week.

I went out with a 40 year old a few months ago.

You can talk smack to the betas, but those of us that live it, know better.

May 20, 2016

She's already said no to dates. She's not interested. He didn't friend zone himself. The woman doesn't want to be with him. Your boy games don't work
On grown women.

I'm sorry ma'am, I believe that there might be some confusion on your part. I have identified three areas that may offer some clarification to you:

First, I said the likelihood of success is 15%, that's including the effects of egokibble withdrawal on this chick. If you don't think ego-kibble withdrawal is something adult women deal with, all you need to look at are the female posters on the OM/OW part of the forum. They are real, and they can be dangerous.

Second, calling them boy games is clearly intended as an insult. What reason do you have for doing so? Clearly the OP here is not familiar with the proper roles of men in the dating world. So I didn't suggest an adult strategy. I suggested one that would give him the basic building blocks to know the direction he needs to take in the future to prevent or adjust to similar situations. You don't run before you walk.

Third, the OP here presented himself with a circumstances of what appears to be unrequited attraction and requested assistance in addressing it. Most of the other responses addressed the internal side of this dilemma for him. While I agree that this is paramount, I offered an option that will prove beneficial (2nd point) to him that do not involve internal re-work. Some people are just not introspective and learn rather by trial and error. To not give him alternative means of building the skillset he's looking to build I thought would be a great disservice to him.

All that being said, I didn't see you offering him any advice... perhaps I overlooked it?

May 20, 2016

You can talk smack to the betas, but those of us that live it, know better.

Everything I said above aside, I think the alpha-beta thing is a great money-making scheme for them. I am unsure if you are here as a secret representative of their organization to increase their sales, or if you have simply bought off on their sales pitch and/or want to use it to your own devices?

What I mean is, what's your angle with it?

Edited May 20, 2016 by NTV

May 20, 2016

Everything I said above aside, I think the alpha-beta thing is a great money-making scheme for them. I am unsure if you are here as a secret representative of their organization to increase their sales, or if you have simply bought off on their sales pitch and/or want to use it to your own devices?

What I mean is, what's your angle with it?

My 'angle' is that I say whatever the hell I think.

I understand the 'game' more than you'll ever know. I understand your game too

If I have ever tried to sell anyone something, now is the time to say it?

Don't be silly with me, mate.

May 20, 2016

Not being silly man. Just asking, cus I've seen you reference it a few times. So I voiced what the normal perception is of tobealpha.com is (i.e. business venture preying on lack of self-confidence), I thought maybe you'd want a chance to talk more about it and educate.

As far as my game, wasn't sure that I was playing one as much as just spending too much time on the internet and talking too much. Was there something I said that pointed a different direction?

May 20, 2016

Not being silly man. Just asking, cus I've seen you reference it a few times. So I voiced what the normal perception is of tobealpha.com is (i.e. business venture preying on lack of self-confidence), I thought maybe you'd want a chance to talk more about it and educate.

As far as my game, wasn't sure that I was playing one as much as just spending too much time on the internet and talking too much. Was there something I said that pointed a different direction?

Fair enough; I get what you're saying.

I'm a bit drunk right now (It's Friday ). I'll chat about this another time. But, it's sort of interesting, so I will get back to it.

No offence taken or anything.

May 20, 2016

What would Clint Eastwood/John Wayne do?

Well, they would sit considerably higher in the saddle, for starters.

May 20, 2016

Let's circle this back to 'why can't we (ostensibly a male here) express feelings?'

Thanks!

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Why can't we express feelings?

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