Maverick6 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I write to help deal with my emotions as an alternative to my old habit of cutting... Carly, Loving you was a sacrifice you know. I gave you the power to destroy me and that's exactly what you've done. Your words are like knives, cutting deep. Sometimes it feels like you do these things on purpose to hurt me, to try and get a reaction out of me. But I'd make excuses for why you did these things because I love you. I accepted you for who you are when I gave you my heart. I would never judge you for doing what you thought you had to do, and I forgive you for destroying me. That's what unconditional love is. It's amazing the hold you have over me even after you've broken me. I can't find a fiber in my body that hates you, they are all screaming that they love you. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes,I have jelousy issues and trust issues. I can be moody sometimes. But I promise you that if I say I love you, I mean it. I'm faithful, I'm loyal, and I'll do anything in my power to keep you. Don't confuse my caring for being controlling. Don't take me for granted. There is nothing I would not do for you. It's strange how just a smile from you can calm my demons, but then your words or actions can role them up like no one else. I need you, and I've made it an point in my entire life to not need anyone, to never depend on anyone, to never show weakness, but you are my weakness, the chink in my armor. I was selfish, only thinking of myself before you. I was careless, not caring for anyone. But you came into my life and changed me, made me a better person. Without you I'm afraid of what I'll turn into you. I love you more then I love myself, and in the end, that is why I've let you destroy me. And I still love you. Today, tomorrow, forever. -TC 1
hasaquestion Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 You didn't get "destroyed" (unless she fired a rocket launcher at you and that was left out of the story), you broke up with someone. Look, I'm sure Carly is very pretty, and has a nice laugh, gives great head, says nice things, whatever it may be. At the end of the day she's not all that. Trust me. In Disney movies good companions are singular miraculous distortions in the space-time continuum. In real life, people are relatively interchangeable. There's some good ones and there's some bad ones and there's a bunch of great ones. It's not like Fantasy Football where there's a big list and there's someone who is ranked #1, someone who is #2, etc. all the way down to #3,500,000,000. You don't need Carly. Yes I know you don't believe me. You don't believe it when you're young until you see all the evidence. Or, as a wise man once said, young men think old men are fools. Old men know young men are fools. Besides, I'm sure Carly knows she's not all that, and that's why she'd be creeped out by you twisting yourself into a pretzel and reciting Shakespeare over her. She's not that special and she knows it. I hate to be insensitive and flippant. But you need some tough love. For starters you'll be a totally different person in five years and so will Carly. That's depressing if you want it to be. But the numbers don't lie - people change and few relationships last. What you control is you so focus on that. TC your value comes from you, not from Carly. If you don't feel that way, then that's the real problem. And what you "turn into" comes from you, not from Carly. I would urge you not to badger Carly any more. Nothing constructive will come of it. Every guy has been "heartbroken" before, they might not want to admit it, but it's part of the human experience. You aren't experiencing something that no one else does, you are experiencing something that most everyone does. And the population statistics tell us that they made it out okay. You can do it. Turn your focus away from Carly and on yourself. You've got a clean slate and some time and money you would have spent on someone else, to spend on yourself. Work on your self-esteem and the common denominator between this relationship and the next one - YOU - will be better than before. 3
Author Maverick6 Posted May 19, 2016 Author Posted May 19, 2016 I'm not as young as you think I am, I'm closer to 30 than I am 25. I was engaged 7 years ago for a whopping 8 hours before she confessed she was pregnant with someone else's kid. So up till 14 months ago, I had built a wall around my emotions. Became cold and heartless so no one else would be willing to get close enough to me and have a chance at hurting me....but the fact that Carly could melt thru that wall.... 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Some people come into your life for a reason, even if it isn't permanent. Perhaps there is something positive to take from this situation. Maybe she came into your life to inspire a positive change in you, to remind you that you can still feel love and allow yourself to open your heart again. It sounds like you have gone through a lot and now you are starting to grow as a person. Yes, she may have sparked your desire to become a better man, but that still came from within you. Please don't let this destroy all the progress you have made. 2
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