I feel "meh" about the guy I'm seeing?

[Versacehottie]

I should note that it was HIM not me that said we're "moving backwards" and I think he means that in reference to I want to slow down and get to know him, and not sleep with him again or be sexual until I feel like I DO.

 

Am I the one who owns the problem here? I've never had problems quite like this in a relationship or even casually dating someone early on. Generally the beginning you're both happy, not exhausted. And I'm just trying to figure out if I'm the one doing this.

 

Hmmm, well maybe it's the tone of these posts since you are frustrated but I do think yes you are probably playing a part to be honest. If the tone you have in these posts is what you bring to the relationship with him, then you both are part of the problem. Again I don't understand why you are trying to force it?? You don't seem like you respect him and clearly he is not bringing a lot of joy to your life. You are at a fork in the road where it matters less about determining who is causing the problem and more about making a choice and getting behind it yourself. Such as if you continue to date him, see the good reasons for doing so and make it work for you. I don't see a point in continuing to date him but if you are going to do it, then do it--happily.

[Katie3]

I ended it. I don't feel like with the way things currently are either of us were going to be happy or have our needs met. Which is why I can't understand why I still want to cry about doing so.

He announced to me during the conversation that his current living situation is about to end (they're not renewing the lease), so he's about to go live in the woods for a few weeks until he's healed enough to return to work in a month. I feel terrible. I feel like I couldn't have ended this at a worse time.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Katie3

[Versacehottie]

I ended it. I don't feel like with the way things currently are either of us were going to be happy or have our needs met. Which is why I can't understand why I still want to cry about doing so.

He announced to me during the conversation that his current living situation is about to end (they're not renewing the lease), so he's about to go live in the woods for a few weeks until he's healed enough to return to work in a month. I feel terrible. I feel like I couldn't have ended this at a worse time.

 

maybe you are mourning having a prospect for a bf? there wasn't much else you've said about him here that made it seem like you really really liked him. It can still be hard if you feel like you've hurt someone or throwing away some potential that however is not ENOUGH potential.

 

Also maybe his behavior is a lot due to his circumstances and it's really not the best time for him to be dating (sure sounds like it). You can either mentally or literally keep the door open for him if you want to revisit things when he is at a different place in life, if that's how you feel. If his living situation is so unstable that he is not going to have a place in a few weeks and moving the woods, I don't think he's been giving you 100% that's for sure. You did the right thing. No pattern set up under these circumstances would be good for you (or him). Two people have to have more than just "needing" each other or a relationship to be happy. Let him circle back around later if you are so inclined. You should date others and if you are available and open to it if he comes back around, that's fine. It sounds like you will. Good luck.

[Katie3]

maybe you are mourning having a prospect for a bf? there wasn't much else you've said about him here that made it seem like you really really liked him. It can still be hard if you feel like you've hurt someone or throwing away some potential that however is not ENOUGH potential.

 

Also maybe his behavior is a lot due to his circumstances and it's really not the best time for him to be dating (sure sounds like it). You can either mentally or literally keep the door open for him if you want to revisit things when he is at a different place in life, if that's how you feel. If his living situation is so unstable that he is not going to have a place in a few weeks and moving the woods, I don't think he's been giving you 100% that's for sure. You did the right thing. No pattern set up under these circumstances would be good for you (or him). Two people have to have more than just "needing" each other or a relationship to be happy. Let him circle back around later if you are so inclined. You should date others and if you are available and open to it if he comes back around, that's fine. It sounds like you will. Good luck.

 

I just feel bad about all of it.

 

He just found out about the living situation in the last week. He definitely had no idea this would be the outcome back when we went on an we went on a great first date.

 

He says after the housing issue is resolved and he's worked a little while to save money, he's moving back to the state he's from. Pretty sure this would be the outcome of I was in the picture or not. He hasn't been happy here in a year or more.

 

When I was leaving he wanted to hug me. We hugged for the longest I think we ever have, with him rubbing my back and telling me I "smell great".

 

I feel bad. I don't know if it would have been like this if we'd started dating during a time when he was working, and had his normal life routine. As his housing situation is disappearing, mine is getting better and within a month I'll have my own place, and it finally would have been possible to have him over a lot. As he's staying home all the time unable to work, my job schedule just shifted drastically making for more stress. As he's unable to hike, I'm bouldering and running. I just hurt for him.

[joseb]

You did the right think breaking up with him.

You are just not that into him.

It's normal to feel bad and a little doubt when you are breaking up.

 

Maybe I'm too cynical, but it sounds like he was hoping for some breakup sex with the "you smell nice" comment.

[smackie9]

I think you are just feelings a little defeated because it's another relationship that didn't pan out.

[Katie3]

I think you are just feelings a little defeated because it's another relationship that didn't pan out.

 

Maybe. Although I don't really know if it was even a relationship, since we weren't exclusive/official yet.

 

I generally have a hard time developing feelings which is why I don't get why I'm having such a tough time with this.

[SilverAccount]

I truly believe when you first meet someone, deep down you know if you want to date them.

 

Feelings can come in later the more you spend time together, but you yourself knows exactly what you want.

 

Do what you want you don't owe him anything, if it's not for you cut it off sooner rather than later.

[Katie3]

UPDATE: I'm starting to feel better that I made the right choice--we weren't happy.

 

Then he texted me yesterday afternoon, asking what I'm doing for the weekend. I told him I plans and work. His reply "oh, I was just going to see if you wanted to go camping with me, or if not, if you could volunteer to watch my dog while I'm gone." ....he asked me...to watch his dog for him? Does anyone else think that's kind of strange?

[Toodaloo]

No- he is getting what he can from you.

 

He is trying to entice you back...

 

Just keep walking and don't bother answering.

[OnlyHonesty]

You have been feeling that way about men in general lately anyway so you should just cut him loose.

[No_Go]

UPDATE: I'm starting to feel better that I made the right choice--we weren't happy.

 

Then he texted me yesterday afternoon, asking what I'm doing for the weekend. I told him I plans and work. His reply "oh, I was just going to see if you wanted to go camping with me, or if not, if you could volunteer to watch my dog while I'm gone." ....he asked me...to watch his dog for him? Does anyone else think that's kind of strange?

 

Typical guy trick - that's exactly how my first ex was trying to get me back (and succeeded temporarily, we had 4 months of horrible post break up 'relationship'g

[Katie3]

Typical guy trick - that's exactly how my first ex was trying to get me back (and succeeded temporarily, we had 4 months of horrible post break up 'relationship'g

 

The weird part is I don't get how dog sitting for him is suppose to try to hook me. If anything it feels insulting.

I should note this is a BIG outdoorsy dog that LOVES to camp. I don't know why he'd leave him behind, and if he's lived here for years, why I'd be the first one on his list to dogsit him.

[No_Go]

He's playing the trick trying to make you feel 'soft'. See, he trusts you to give you access to his home and pet, you must feel flattered...

 

In my ex's case was a cat actually. He just couldn't find anybody else hah. And when he finally returned, he 'surprised' me with his presence, we had sex (I'm still contemplating did it qualify as a date rape), and... stalked me the next 4 months!

 

If I were you, I'll just not respond at all. The dog will be ok. Save yourself.

 

The weird part is I don't get how dog sitting for him is suppose to try to hook me. If anything it feels insulting.

I should note this is a BIG outdoorsy dog that LOVES to camp. I don't know why he'd leave him behind, and if he's lived here for years, why I'd be the first one on his list to dogsit him.

[Katie3]

I responded and told him "sorry, I can't.".

 

He responded: "no worries. I've canceled my camping trip because I can't leave him here alone for 3 days."

 

All I can do is stare at my phone screen. Isn't that message suppose to be a guilt trip? He's lived here for years. He has tons of friends and former coworkers and ex girlfriends here. I guarantee you one could come feed her.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Gross.. it sounds like he was trying to guilt trip you into doing him favors and make you feel bad for not minding his dog. It is his responsibility to take care of that before he planned to go away.

 

Don't fall for these manipulative mind games. You aren't even dating, you don't owe him anything.

[katiegrl]

I responded and told him "sorry, I can't.".

 

He responded: "no worries. I've canceled my camping trip because I can't leave him here alone for 3 days."

 

All I can do is stare at my phone screen. Isn't that message suppose to be a guilt trip? He's lived here for years. He has tons of friends and former coworkers and ex girlfriends here. I guarantee you one could come feed her.

 

Katie3, just block him.

 

This way you won't have to read any more of his guilt-inducing texts.

 

You ended it, it's done, block, delete, next.

 

No need to feel guilty about anything!

 

He's a big boy, he will be fine.

 

My guess is he wasn't really feeling it either.... maybe thinking well she's willing to date me so why not. And going through the motions of how a good bf is supposed to behave.

 

Genuine chemistry is usually, if not always, mutual, so if you weren't feeling it, who knows what he was feeling or what his motives were.

 

Again just block him.

 

The End.

[Versacehottie]

I responded and told him "sorry, I can't.".

 

He responded: "no worries. I've canceled my camping trip because I can't leave him here alone for 3 days."

 

All I can do is stare at my phone screen. Isn't that message suppose to be a guilt trip? He's lived here for years. He has tons of friends and former coworkers and ex girlfriends here. I guarantee you one could come feed her.

 

A)I knew you were going to say he had a dog that would be perfect for camping. It totally makes sense. What doesn't make sense as you pointed out, is why wouldn't he just take the dog with him? Perfect activity for him and the dog.

 

B)He may have been throwing a hail mary to invite you along or ask you to take care of his dog. A way to keep the connection going.

 

C)IF, he really needs you or expected you to take care of his dog in light of what is going on (ie you broke up with him), he really is the laziest! And self-centered. BTW, if his good enough to go on a vigorous camping trip, he should get a job or you certainly don't have to feel bad that you broke up with him when he's in a rough patch!

 

Needless to say, luckily none of the above "reasons" are your problem anymore. You made the right decision. He might be trying to guilt trip you after you didn't take him up on his offer. So what? It just makes him even more pathetic and you should be even more sure that you made the right decision. Good for you

[Katie3]

A)I knew you were going to say he had a dog that would be perfect for camping. It totally makes sense. What doesn't make sense as you pointed out, is why wouldn't he just take the dog with him? Perfect activity for him and the dog.

 

B)He may have been throwing a hail mary to invite you along or ask you to take care of his dog. A way to keep the connection going.

 

C)IF, he really needs you or expected you to take care of his dog in light of what is going on (ie you broke up with him), he really is the laziest! And self-centered. BTW, if his good enough to go on a vigorous camping trip, he should get a job or you certainly don't have to feel bad that you broke up with him when he's in a rough patch!

 

Needless to say, luckily none of the above "reasons" are your problem anymore. You made the right decision. He might be trying to guilt trip you after you didn't take him up on his offer. So what? It just makes him even more pathetic and you should be even more sure that you made the right decision. Good for you

 

This post is everything I was thinking and more. I also look at it from the angle of NOT ONLY is it NOT my responsibility, but if I'm the ONLY person he knows who he can find in this town to watch him for a weekend, that says something about the quality of his friendships. If you can't find ONE friend to watch your dog while you take a weekend holiday, that says something about you and how you must treat your friends.

 

I have a dog. A big, long haired one. So I understand the struggle. But I'd never go camping (or even hiking) without her, I've taken her places where it's hot in the summer, and it would take a LOT for me to trust her to someone outside my family or an actual kennel with certifications. She's my buddy. She'd come with me.

 

It also seems irresponsible--he just found out his living situation is ending, probably by the first or second week of the month. Shouldn't this time be spent packing/preparing to move and finding a new housing opportunity, instead of camping?

[tinkerbell16]

I responded and told him "sorry, I can't.".

 

He responded: "no worries. I've canceled my camping trip because I can't leave him here alone for 3 days."

 

All I can do is stare at my phone screen. Isn't that message suppose to be a guilt trip? He's lived here for years. He has tons of friends and former coworkers and ex girlfriends here. I guarantee you one could come feed her.

 

He is manipulative. His talk of his living in the woods, dog sitting... the Ole'woahhh is me. In the meantime he is a grown ass man who managed life before meeting you and is using guilt to get you to do what he wants. Relationships IMO should enhance your life (at this early stage) not drain you in any way. He sounds like a leach. You dodged a bullet.

[Versacehottie]

This post is everything I was thinking and more. I also look at it from the angle of NOT ONLY is it NOT my responsibility, but if I'm the ONLY person he knows who he can find in this town to watch him for a weekend, that says something about the quality of his friendships. If you can't find ONE friend to watch your dog while you take a weekend holiday, that says something about you and how you must treat your friends.

 

I have a dog. A big, long haired one. So I understand the struggle. But I'd never go camping (or even hiking) without her, I've taken her places where it's hot in the summer, and it would take a LOT for me to trust her to someone outside my family or an actual kennel with certifications. She's my buddy. She'd come with me.

 

It also seems irresponsible--he just found out his living situation is ending, probably by the first or second week of the month. Shouldn't this time be spent packing/preparing to move and finding a new housing opportunity, instead of camping?

 

Yes he should be doing that. It sounds pretty irresponsible to have not been working for quite a while, not be great physically, to be whining and guilt-tripping people about it and then have the gumption and motivation to get this camping trip organized. I'd say he has much bigger problems with his living situation ending. I can only assume from that that he doesn't have much money either if he can't quickly scramble for another place to live. It shows you how he deals with crisis moments and his level of responsibility.

 

I also think not having friends to help him with the dog is a little yellow flag, but not entirely unbelievable. Depends on who his friends are, where they are going this weekend, if they have or allow pets, etc etc. I think the "friend" dilemma is less important because I'm not even sure it was an entirely true story--I think he asked you first/only because he was trying to keep a connection with you (to see if you wanted to come was probably his first goal). When you said no, he was throwing an adult version of a tantrum via guilt trip. I'd guess that he had never asked anyone to take care of the dog up to that point. His main goal was to get you to come and when you said no, he was just following up with a pouty reply/guilt trip. Regardless, I don't think he had backup plans to ask friends (at least by time he replied to you) because that was never the goal or purpose of his inquiry.

 

Let's point out the obvious. If the dog can't come with him to the woods for 3 days for this holiday weekend--how in the world is he going to "live" in the woods for the next month or so when it's his new living situation? Presumably the dog will come! I.E. he is just making this up or exaggerating as part of the storyline to keep contact with you and subsequently guilt trip you. overgrown baby.

 

At both ends of the spectrum of his story (true vs a lie/exaggeration), you dodged a bullet. You either have someone who fails to take responsibility for himself and sees things rather narcissistically OR when he doesn't get his way or desired outcome, he throws an adult tantrum. He's a little out of touch with reality anyway---why in the world would he believe that it would be a "yes" to either of those requests?!?!??! You just had broken up with him so NO you are not going away with him for the weekend nor are you babysitting his dog. Failure to accept reality: which if you look at the rest of his life seems to be echo'ing just about everywhere. Put it in your rear view and thank whoever you need to thank that it was just a short moment in your life.