iconici Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 There are 100s of attractive, available girls out there. Everywhere I go. Everywhere I look. But none of them are for me. As helpless and pathetic as it sounds, I am stranded and alone. I start with 100 girls. And then I subtract: A. Too young. Cute, fun, energetic and we probably have many common interests. For many, I am creepily too old for them (whatever the hell that means). I get it. And much of me actually agrees. I am not going to go out partying 4 times a week like the old days. I have matured hopes, goals and dreams. Fine. Subtract these. Move on. I have no problem with that. All fair. B. Too old. (oh boy, here comes the hate mail). 9 of 10 times I just do not find them attractive. I get "things don't hang the way they use to" and there are more wrinkles here and there. I have no problem with that and I actually kind of like that - they are still (or could be) beautiful. It's the extra weight, the ugly clothes, the "Human Resources Manager" hair, the boring (to me) interests, the "beat-down, men-are-pigs, TVshow" attitude, the jealous hatred for younger girls - these things are not attractive to me. Fine. Subtract these. Move on. I have no problem with that. All fair. C. Those with kids. (oh boy, even more hate mail). I just don't want that in my life. I don't have kids. I don't want kids. I am moving through life with little structure - staying up until 3a on a weekday, getting up at 6a on a Saturday, traveling at the last minute, music playing throughout the house, eat whatever and whenever time I have. I am not interested in their (and another man's) kids. No I don't want to watch Disney movies with pizza on Friday nights. No I don't want a box of Instant Family (just add Dad!) Fine. Subtract these. Move on. I have no problem with that. All fair. D. Those who are attached to others. Fine. Subtract these. Move on. I have no problem with that. All fair. 100-A-B-C-D = 0 And this is where I am. Alone. In the past year I have gone out with at least 3 of every one of these categories. And it all ends up with the same conclusions. Any thoughts? Please please. I would like some thoughts. Because a life alone is not a life worth living. I am seriously at that point. (I am 52. I have been a professional actor and model for 2 years now. I have a passion for the emotional triggers that bind and define us all. I am also an attorney. I am tall, very fit and thin, all my med-length blonde hair, great big green eyes. I have money, a nice loft with a view, nice car, closet full of any clothes I want to buy. Fortunately, despite the commercials on TV about men my age, "everything works" as well or better than it ever did. ) 1
MrBump Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 You're stuck then between living like a monk, exploring the swinging scene, or dating men ;-) It seems that relationships with all types of women are now off-limits for you. 1
Emilia Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I guess if at the age of 52 you want to think of people in terms of categories then it's not surprising that you are on your own. 3
Author iconici Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Quick. Witty. Damning. That's cute, but seriously, what else is there? Tell me. Show me. And I will be devoted to their happiness.
preraph Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Well, your odds are still better than most, but it does sound like you need a reality adjustment in order to start dating within your own age and attractiveness range. Sure, everyone thinks young people are attractive once they're older, but no, they don't think you are. And everyone who isn't 18 has experiences that teach them to be smarter and not go into a relationship doe-eyed and stupid, and as an attorney, I don't know why that would bother you. Your baggage is that you can't handle experienced mature women. And probably more I don't know about. I agree with you (though I'm female) about hating the matronly garb and dress many women take on as they age, but this is not universal. In fact, you may be overlooking some women that are closer to your age than you think but have really preserved themselves, because 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30. Women who ever did care about their appearance and men too have a lot of options these days. Yes, finding one without kids is the biggest limiter. I never wanted them either and also used to run a childfree board, so I know. And what I learned from running that forum is that just not wanting kids doesn't mean you have anything else at all in common with that person, other than that maybe you're a little less conventional to have chosen that path. Still, the childfree forum community and local meetups is something you might tap into. In my area, it was all couples and lesbians, but in your area, it might be another story. Since you're an attorney, obviously you should go to as many social functions as you can get an invitation to and just put out the word. I haven't seen too many frumpy female attorneys and I bet a lot of them them don't have time for kids. Also, you may have noticed by now that the court reporting pool is a lot of women of all ages and availability. So if you can find some pretense to break into that corral at a convention or something (the NCRA convention happens once a year), seems like that would be a great pool of possibilities for you IF you didn't only focus on the young ones. They make decent money, some of them, and they always have options and meet a lot of attorneys. We are in the midst of political campaigns. Why not join a campaign as a volunteer and you meet a cross-section of people doing that and then get invited to election night parties, etc. Use your expensively educated brain and get creative. Good luck. 1
clia Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I find it really hard to believe that you can't find any women near your own age who are single and attractive. I see loads of women in their 40s and 50s who look amazing. What are you doing to meet women? Where do you go? I think the lack of kids will be your biggest challenge because most women do have kids. However, I would think that if you were seriously looking at women near your own age, their kids would for the most part be grown and out of the house, or at least away at college. Is that still a deal breaker? 1
whatcanitellyou Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 There's no hate mail for not wanting to be around kids. .... that's your perogative. My sense is that you have an overinflated opinion of how great of a catch you are and how young you look. And you're applying different criteria to judge women then you want them to use on you. I'm sure you look great for 52 but you probably imagine you look a lot younger, so you imagine much younger women to be your peers. This is a pretty common issue among older men; they don't realize how old they really are so they are still trying to get with much younger women and haven't considered why a much younger woman would want them. So you want younger women but you don't even want one your own age let alone older, so in effect you want women to see you through a different lens than you see them. I find it hard to believe your can't find a woman your age in decent shape. Take a picture of a woman you want and hold it up next to you in the mirror and see if the pairing makes sense. Think about what you actually bring to the table for a much younger woman and why she'd want you when she can have good looking younger men. 2
Author iconici Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 (edited) For preraph: I am absolutely overwhelmed. I hoped for but never expected such a thoughtful response with accurate-to-fair assumptions. I can't tell you what it means to me. I can't find the words of appropriate appreciation. Maybe that is it: I can't handle an experienced, mature woman. Accordingly, it must be true, when we have met, I've pinned any disconnect unfairly on them. One reason perhaps is because I am immature by my own childhood definition - maturity being the house, wife, kid, dog, landscaped roses - I have none of these things. I never wanted these things in preference. Nothing against them, it's as simple as a flavor of ice cream you never choose. My life has been unconventional to say the least. Living in so many cities, with so many people, so many relationships. Every path comes with it's own set of positives and negatives. And I am not the attorney some would imagine that to be. Licensed, true, but I did Oil & Gas contracts and title out of my home until the bottom fell out two years ago. The last time I was in front of a judge was four years ago while trying to get a speeding ticket dismissed. And I am doing acting now full-time. I was constantly on-stage as a kid and now, I feel a comfortable, familiar home (yet another sign of immaturity?). Only this time, with my "expensive brain," I am able to dive deep into the psychology, theory and methodology of Grotowski, Meisner, Stanislavski, Mamet, and Epictetus. It has changed my life. The emotional strings of communication has no limits and never ceases to amaze. And I am not "focusing on the young ones." It's been nearly 8months since I was involved with any of those. I still remember looking at her and thinking how unfair it was - like watching a child play tic-tac-toe over and over knowing they did so without possibly understanding the futility of the math. I do not have enough time left to waste on any of that. There is more out there. I have created an amazing collection of unconventional knowledge, ability, passion, and feelings. And probably there in lies the problem: that "match" for me will be a challenge to find. Thank you preraph. There was a connection here between us. Simply reading you and writing out my thoughts has changed my outlook. Yet another thing I have for which to be grateful. Edited May 18, 2016 by iconici
Author iconici Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 whatcanitellyou - you are missing the point. Your response does not relate to my original concern. My point was to rule out this category for me. By my choice and reason. Many of them simply do not consider "too much" older - which is a true statement - however there are more than plenty of them who do. I know, I have dated 3 women under 24 in the past two years. But there is no time left for me to waste on them.
preraph Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 For preraph: I am absolutely overwhelmed. I hoped for but never expected such a thoughtful response with accurate-to-fair assumptions. I can't tell you what it means to me. I can't find the words of appropriate appreciation. Maybe that is it: I can't handle an experienced, mature woman. Accordingly, it must be true, when we have met, I've pinned any disconnect unfairly on them. One reason perhaps is because I am immature by my own childhood definition - maturity being the house, wife, kid, dog, landscaped roses - I have none of these things. I never wanted these things in preference. Nothing against them, it's as simple as a flavor of ice cream you never choose. My life has been unconventional to say the least. Living in so many cities, with so many people, so many relationships. Every path comes with it's own set of positives and negatives. And I am not the attorney some would imagine that to be. Licensed, true, but I did Oil & Gas contracts and title out of my home until the bottom fell out two years ago. The last time I was in front of a judge was four years ago while trying to get a speeding ticket dismissed. And I am doing acting now full-time. I was constantly on-stage as a kid and now, I feel a comfortable, familiar home (yet another sign of immaturity?). Only this time, with my "expensive brain," I am able to dive deep into the psychology, theory and methodology of Grotowski, Meisner, Stanislavski, Mamet, and Epictetus. It has changed my life. The emotional strings of communication has no limits and never ceases to amaze. And I am not "focusing on the young ones." It's been nearly 8months since I was involved with any of those. I still remember looking at her and thinking how unfair it was - like watching a child play tic-tac-toe over and over knowing they did so without possibly understanding the futility of the math. I do not have enough time left to waste on any of that. There is more out there. I have created an amazing collection of unconventional knowledge, ability, passion, and feelings. And probably there in lies the problem: that "match" for me will be a challenge to find. Thank you preraph. There was a connection here between us. Simply reading you and writing out my thoughts has changed my outlook. Yet another thing I have for which to be grateful. I don't know if you've been out of the dating market for some time before you went back in; but if so, I think it is normal to still think you will pursue the same type of women as you pursued in your younger days. I know I sort of came out around 50 and retooled myself after a bad 10 years and stirred up an old flame and looked around a bit, but I came away from it knowing that I could probably never date anyone I'd be attracted to anymore because of my age. Of course, women have it harder in that way. We get pretty invisible over a certain age. I'm 63 now and I really did pretty much just give up because like you, I was used to some glam in my life (music biz) and loves and nothing less seems quite like enough. My main epiphany, though, was that what I was really missing was the rapport of someone from my own eras. Because new people, younger people, can't even fully appreciate you if they aren't from your era. Then arthritis set in, and then the weight, so it was only a matter of time before this old war plane was grounded anyway. The O&G business can certainly gear back up again. I'm in Texas, so it never really goes away here. Being an actor should put you before a lot of people. If your fellow thespians are all younger, maybe you should mine the audience for admirers! Never write off a fan.
Emilia Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Your posting style is very dramatic - in the original sense of the word. I think it would pay if you spent more time around ordinary people and got grounded a bit.
Jabron1 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) You sound like a man with a good amount of value. I can understand you being picky. Have you considered looking for a relationship with a woman from a different culture? Look, dating is a marketplace - and you are expressing understandable displeasure with the market. If the market isn't offering what you want or need, then you look elsewhere. That's supply and demand. Personally, I'm happy doing my thing. My thing is casual relationships and the market in the West is great for that - admittedly it's not so great if you want more. I've known two people that were unsatisfied with the current scene in England (America sounds even worse). They were looking to settle down with marriage and kids, and weren't impressed with what the current sexual marketplace offered. The first guy was my (ex) best friends father. He's a very successful businessman who owns a multinational company - a very high value man. He'd been through one divorce already, and decided to look elsewhere. He's now married to a stunning Russian woman. They are very happy, she's a very cool person - a great wife and mother. They have been married nearly 15 years now. The other is a good friend of mine. He is a keen traveler that has gone backpacking around a few different continents. He's quite good with women (done his fair share of playing the field), but has always expressed a desire to finally settle down in Japan. He went there for a year, and married a beautiful Japanese girl. They have now been married for 4 years with one child. Both guys that shared your opinions but did something about it. Both are very happy in great relationships. Both are coming up to significant milestones in their marriages (5 years, 10 years, and 15 years are big causes to celebrate in this day and age IMO - at least by our Western standards lol). This is just one option to consider of many. The reason I choose to raise this is because you might not have considered it. Edited May 19, 2016 by Jabron1
Alamo657 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 You need to lower your standards and do a reality check. At 52 you will rarely find a woman who is either not young, or not a mother, or not jaded, or wrinkle-free. You seem to be looking for your feminine twin, and you sound very full of yourself. You need humanity and humility to reconnect with femalekind.
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