hhastings17 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Thanks in advance for reading and any advice I've posted a few times about a guy I have been seeing for 4 months now. The background: He is 28, and I'm 20. We are both in college (he is ex military) and have jobs. He made it known from the beginning that he takes his time with relationships and that he isn't super "mushy-gushy," which is fine with me. He was married and cheated on when he was deployed so he also told me that it takes time for him to open up. We have such a great time when we are together, we have tons in common, and the sexual chemistry is definitely good. We have the same sense humor, we are both passionate about fitness, we are both very motivated when it comes to school and working. With all of that being said, I've tried to be very patient with him. He has expressed his feelings for me several times, but it's frustrating because as soon as I feel like we are moving forward and his feelings are growing, he acts like a typical Cancer (i'm a scorpio incase anyone is into astrology) and pulls back. I'm not a clingy person, and we each value having our own space so when he pulls back I just leave him be until he is ready. And after two or three days things go back to normal: texting throughout the day, calling, asking me to come stay with him, asking to go out, etc. I a very direct person and I don't like playing the hot and cold game, but I wonder if its apart of his safety mechanism. As in he pulls back to keep himself at a "Safe" distance. Some things he has said in the past also make me feel like he is afraid of rejection (he takes night classes and would text me "I was going to ask you to come stay with me but it's too late now..." as if he was throwing in that whole "it's too late now" in case I was going to say no). I don't know, i have totally fallen for this guy and I think that if he would fully let himself go with me things would be great, which is why I keep holding on. My question is how long do you wait for someone before you move on? Has anyone been in a situation like this?
BikerAccnt Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Don't play the hot and cold game. I'm considerably older than you but, I just ended a long term relationship with a woman who played that game with me. Same reasons, she had been hurt badly in a divorce. I waited two years. Don't.be.me. If he can't be direct, and is afraid of letting you in, either you're not the right one, or he's too damaged now for a relationship. Good luck. 1
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