Life changing decision for me: Should I act or wait?

[The Next Big Thing]

Im 22 years old, never had GF but it has been because of my own decision, Im actually very social. Im at university and I know several girls Im interested in. To be short Im gonna mention just 3. At first Im gonna write my relationship with each girl VERY briefly and then some problems I see. I hope you can help me.

 

Girl A is very nice. Right from the beginning, the first conversation, we had a great connection. She makes a LOT of eye contact, smiles, laughs all the time and she is really fun to be around, chill and seems like a good person overall. I feel like she likes me a lot. Sometimes seems shy. I feel like we are maybe one date away from getting into relationship. So at the moment I feel like she is interested in me and its my decision which way we go.

 

Problem: As I got to know her more, the infatuation faded away (at least from my part). I noticed some of flaws. Like first when I saw her I was like "shes the most beautiful girl at this university, I gotta get to know her", now I see shes not perfect but I know Im neither, nobody is. Actually this happens to me with every single girl, I dont know why.

And also there are some thigs I slightly dont like, for example that she isnt eating the healthiest, probably isnt doing sports (but Im maybe wrong about that one) and on top of everything, she smokes. I hate smoking and Im an athlete, hitting the gym and eating properly all the time.

 

 

Girl B was also my crush so I also decided to get to know her. Basically out first conversation was in a shop where I landed her a coin to buy something. She was in a hurry but told me to look her up on FB. I sent her a message after few days and she was so happy. She wrote that she has been looking for me for days. When she asked me when she can return the money I joked saying she will invite me for a coffee sometime. I thought it would be perfect way to get to know her more. She laughed and said that was not our deal but okey since she is the debtor. We chatted on and off during the whole day. She asked many questions about me and seemed EXTREMELY talkative and funny. Then at some point she wrote something I didnt know how to react to and basically , reaction was not needed even, so there our conversation ended.

I met her after few days in university, we walked right towards eachother, I dont know if she didnt recognize me or what but she didnt make eye contact, was looking just forward and when we got close I said "hi" and she like woke up, smiled touched my arm and said she can return the money. I refused since it was not a lot but she was like really persisting, she said she would feel bad like debtor. I was kind of shocked , wasnt even expecting to meet her so I took the money, we talked for maybe a minute and then she left to class.

THEN next day I wrote her a message, some joke about the money. I wanted to proceed with that coffee invitation after that. She didnt respond, message not even marked as seen. Then few days later asked her about an exam she had. She responded to that and also to the earlier message, again with a lot of text and smiles. I responded with a joke again, expecting her to be as talkative as first time, so I could organize a date for us and she didnt respond, again not even seen.

 

Problem: I think shes pretty, Im very attracted to her but I dont know her personality that good yet. But she is an athlete like me, pays attention to diet, I tink she doesnt smoke. I like that. But since the semester is over we will probably see each other after 3 months the earliest , unless I send her a message inviting her out.

 

 

Girl C was my crush too. Now Im not infatuated with her anymore but I still am attracted to her physically, shes very pretty and also she seems smart from what Ive heared her talk. We have never talked yet because I wasted like 2 golden opportunities I had, never mind. We have been seeing each other frequently, since we had neighbour classes. I catch her looking at me often. Im so interested in her.

 

Problem: Semester ended. I havent talked to her, so if I dont meet her during the summer by some miracle I will see her maybe after those 3 months.

 

Another girls ... there are also few other girls who I will probably get the chace to meet more next semester (some acquaintances with hot girlfriends).

 

SUMMARY: Both girls, A and B are pretty and seem to have good personalities. But I feel like Im more inclined towards B in looks and towards A in personality. Girls C has the looks, and potentially could have the personality. Im worried how things will change if I would start a relationship with either one of them.

 

MY QUESTION:

During summer, should I go out with the girl A? Should I start relationship with her? Im just worried that it would not work and I would look to other women, since Im not as attracted physically as in the beginning (but I still do like her..maybe even more as person). But I still think shes hot. And then there are those other negatives I mentioned.

 

Or should I go out with the girl B? If she responds... I dont know if she is just shy, busy or not interested. She is hard to read since she talks a bit differently in person than in texts. In texts she seems so silly and talkative and in person more confident, laid back but still funny.

 

Or should I wait 3 months for next semester and see what happens with girl C or maybe other girls I know I could get to know?

[preraph]

YOu're at an age when it's preferable to just date around for awhile rather than settle on one girl. Dating someone doesn't mean they have to be your mate for life or that you have to commit to them right away, which would be creepy. So you really don't have a decision to make here. As long as you are up front with each of these girls that you are "dating around" and not just dating them "at the moment," you can date all three.

[CarrieT]

With all due respects, at 22 years old choosing between two different girls to date is hardly a life-changing decision....

 

You will go through lots more girls if you are just starting to date and life-changing decisions will be things like where to live for a career, jobs to work, how to raise children, etc...

[NTV]

You think too much.

[clia]

You are way overthinking this. Go on a date with both of them and see how it goes. A date is just a date. No big deal. You are assuming both these girls will want a relationship with you and you will want a relationship with them. The reality is, most first dates go nowhere because one or both people decide it isn't worth pursuing. Get the first date under your belt before you start worrying about all this stuff.

[The Next Big Thing]

You are way overthinking this. Go on a date with both of them and see how it goes. A date is just a date. No big deal. You are assuming both these girls will want a relationship with you and you will want a relationship with them. The reality is, most first dates go nowhere because one or both people decide it isn't worth pursuing. Get the first date under your belt before you start worrying about all this stuff.

 

I was on a date with girl A already. It went great. She recently proposed that we could meet again sometime. Actually I want to know your opinion, if it would be good decision to go on another date with this girl and possibly kiss her and proceed with the relationship OR should I wait whole summer until next semester to meet the other girls and see if it would be better with them?

 

On one side, Im worried that if some girls are interested in me and I start a relationship with one, all other ones will feel bad and lose interest, so if my relationship doesnt go well, I will not have chance with them anymore.

On another side, I do realize that Im maybe overthinking this and I could be in a good relationship with girl A.

[NTV]

Stop thinking.

[NTV]

I mean it don't think about it sit back enjoy yourself relax you don't have to think about any of this crap who cares about who which one is better and which one is worse until one of them goes do you want to be a boyfriend?

 

If you want real advice what I recommend you do is start reading everybody else's story on here and figure out what red flags are and then look for those as those are going to be the ones the things that help you find the person who is going to be best for you.

[clia]

I was on a date with girl A already. It went great. She recently proposed that we could meet again sometime. Actually I want to know your opinion, if it would be good decision to go on another date with this girl and possibly kiss her and proceed with the relationship OR should I wait whole summer until next semester to meet the other girls and see if it would be better with them?

 

If you like Girl A, go out with her again. It's not a marriage proposal.

 

With regard to Girl C, you don't even know if she is interested in you. She could meet the man of her dreams tomorrow and be in a relationship with someone else by next fall. She could have a boyfriend already.

 

So, no. You should not put your dating life on hold for what might happen three months from now with her or Girl B. Live in the now. You can see where things stand next fall.

 

On one side, Im worried that if some girls are interested in me and I start a relationship with one, all other ones will feel bad and lose interest, so if my relationship doesnt go well, I will not have chance with them anymore.

On another side, I do realize that Im maybe overthinking this and I could be in a good relationship with girl A.

 

This is a lot of speculation. You are way overthinking it. A date or a few dates does not necessarily end in a relationship. And there is always the option to end the relationship if you decide you aren't happy and want to pursue another girl.

[mrs rubble]

Girl A- go out with her again and tell her you don't like smoking, if she likes you enough she might give up.

Girl B- sounds to me like she's not interested in you, with the non replies to your messages.

Girl C- you don't really even know- she may not like you either!

[Buddhist]

I hope you can help me.

 

That depends on how willing you are to see something beyond you own little desires. Lets see.

 

So at the moment I feel like she is interested in me and its my decision which way we go.

 

Well okay if that's how you feel. But do you really have any idea how she feels on the matter? You may be surprised if she's not feeling the same things you are.

 

Like first when I saw her I was like "shes the most beautiful girl at this university, .....Actually this happens to me with every single girl, I dont know why.

 

I can tell you why. It's because you don't actually see these girls or women, what you see if your own projected fantasies walking around with her face on it. Once you get to know them you realise that they are not your projected fantasy but rather they are individuals distinct from you and are not who you thought they were. This will keep happening to you until you learn to see people for who they are rather than just see your own desires walking around in front of you. Don't feel bad most people are like this in the beginning.

 

Problem: I think shes pretty, Im very attracted to her but I dont know her personality that good yet.

 

The real problem here is she isn't interested in you. That was pretty clear with the way she's been with you since returning your money. She was so insistent on doing that so you would have no further reason to contact her.

 

Im worried how things will change if I would start a relationship with either one of them.

 

You are making a giant assumption that either one of them want to be with you. It's very possible neither of them do.

[The Next Big Thing]

If you like Girl A, go out with her again. It's not a marriage proposal.

 

With regard to Girl C, you don't even know if she is interested in you. She could meet the man of her dreams tomorrow and be in a relationship with someone else by next fall. She could have a boyfriend already.

 

So, no. You should not put your dating life on hold for what might happen three months from now with her or Girl B. Live in the now. You can see where things stand next fall.

 

 

 

This is a lot of speculation. You are way overthinking it. A date or a few dates does not necessarily end in a relationship. And there is always the option to end the relationship if you decide you aren't happy and want to pursue another girl.

 

First of all, thanks for good advice.

You said date doesnt end in a relationship, but when I kiss her during or at the end of our date, in my opinion it changes our relationship a lot. Of course a kiss is not a marriage proposal but I think if I would kiss her and she would accept the kiss, it would mean that we just got into relationship, or am I wrong? Because in my opinion you dont just kiss your female friends all the time.

[NTV]

Every person you know you have a relationship with. Friend, coworker, fellow student, acquaintance, etc. Once you kiss a chick, that relationship ALSO becomes a romantic one and the romantic one generally supersedes the other. That doesn't mean that it is your only or her only romantic relationship.

 

 

Until an agreement is struck saying that you both agree to not see anyone else, then all it is is some light romance. Not boyfriend/girlfriend. Not "seeing/dating each other" until a second date occurs.

[Els]

First of all, thanks for good advice.

You said date doesnt end in a relationship, but when I kiss her during or at the end of our date, in my opinion it changes our relationship a lot. Of course a kiss is not a marriage proposal but I think if I would kiss her and she would accept the kiss, it would mean that we just got into relationship, or am I wrong? Because in my opinion you dont just kiss your female friends all the time.

 

It really depends on your culture. In some cultures a kiss doesn't necessarily mean anything, but in others you'd darn well better be exclusive when you kiss or you'll get a pretty terrible reputation. Hard to say without knowing yours.