teaspoon Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Just curious about how long do you think a woman should wait for a man to say 'I love you.' Six months? A year? If he hasn't said it after a year should she move on? If it's a long distance relationship do you think it would take longer? 3
PegNosePete Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Actions speak louder than words. Why does the man have to say it first, anyway? I suggest you bin the "rules" and try to understand that interpersonal relationships are complicated and individual. 1
Author teaspoon Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 What if she has already said it though? 1
PegNosePete Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Like I said, ditch the "rules" and consider each relationship on it's own individual details. There's no generic right answer here. It's all on a case-by-case basis and very much depends on the people, the situation, etc. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 He can say it when he is comfortable saying it. As long as I feel that he loves me that is all that matters. I felt very unloved by a guy who used to say it all the time. Words mean nothing if actions do not follow. These days instead of saying I love you I ask if they feel loved by me. 4
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 If you're unhappy and dissatisfied, then it's up to you to leave. You can't pressure someone into loving you. The time period for that first ILY will vary from person to person. You mentioned that you're long-distance. Have you been long-distance for the entire duration of the relationship? Are there any plans for that to change? How often do you guys see each other?
GorillaTheater Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Is this the same guy from your January thread? Have you actually met him in person?
sunshine2 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Actions speak louder then words, but yea, hearing it is nice. I waited a year for my last X to say it, he never did. He would do things for me and I thought that was his way of showing it, but at the end of the day, he didn't love me. So his actions meant nothing either. If I listened to my intuition, I would of left him much sooner because deep down I knew.
Author teaspoon Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Not unhappy or dissatisfied at all. He has come to visit me twice and it was fantastic. Going steady for seven months. I'm just wondering if I should start worrying. If a year passes and he hasn't yet I'll wonder if I'm wasting my time. It is true that someone can say it and not mean it. I've also been in a relationship where I heard it daily and I didn't feel it. His actions definitely point towards loving me but I guess I'm vocal and want the reassurance of hearing him say it! But him waiting will make it mean more when he does say it. We spoke about previous relationships ages ago and it came up that him and his ex never said it to each other for the extent of their five year relationship. I don't think I could wait that long!!
startingagain15 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 It depends on the situation, his actions, past baggage, etc. My BF and I have been dating for a year now and he hasn't ever said the actual words. We had a talk about it because it was starting to concern me. He gave me good reasons why the words don't mean a lot to him. He says he chooses to show me how he feels in his actions instead of saying words that are just words. So I am okay with it for now. So it depends how you feel, if he treats you with love and affection and you are good with waiting longer I'd give it more time, or if not hearing the words now or at a certain point is a deal-breaker. ETA: Five years would definitely be too long for me too!
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 If you're feeling it then why not say it first? Who says men have to be the first to say "I love you" anyway? For all you know he might be sitting back wondering the same thing you are. 1
S_A Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I think I said it to my current GF like 3 weeks in. Did not even realize I said it. She was like "what did you just say!?" She smothered me with affection after that. I will say that we did know each other before we began dating though. So it's not like our first three weeks together was also our first three weeks of knowing each other. 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Just curious about how long do you think a woman should wait for a man to say 'I love you.' Six months? A year? If he hasn't said it after a year should she move on? If it's a long distance relationship do you think it would take longer? Not sure it's a good thing to be in the mindset of waiting at all, TBH. If you're both happy in the moment and liking where it's potentially heading, let things flow. 2
BlueIris Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 It’s a personal judgment. I’d be more concerned about figuring out if you love him and if he’s the guy you want to spend your life with, than whether he says it. Do you doubt that he loves you? 7
Popsicle Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Something's wrong if he hasn't said by 6 months. He most likely does not one you. 1
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I think before saying ILY you need to be close enough and connected enough to see and want a future together. I would not say ILY to a man I don't plan on spending the rest of my life with that's why my ILY comes after a few months. In your case you have seen each other 2 times in 7 months. What would his or your ILY mean? Is there any end to this long distance? What are you plans for the future together? When are those plans be executed? 3
Popsicle Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 It’s a personal judgment. I’d be more concerned about figuring out if you love him and if he’s the guy you want to spend your life with, than whether he says it. Very good point. You do need to figure this out first because if he's not "the one" there is no use even worrying about this
married777 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 I believe very strongly dreams come through for those who wake up early to pursue them... If you love this guy and you really want to spend the rest of your life with him then you need to make him connect to you. You need to learn how to make him obsessed with you...
Jabron1 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 I suggest you bin the "rules" and try to understand that interpersonal relationships are complicated and individual. Like I said, ditch the "rules" and consider each relationship on it's own individual details. Who says men have to be the first to say "I love you" anyway? It seems to be a common theme to try and get an 'I love you' from a man before a woman says it. Then to worry about timeframes of saying your 'I love yous' and the meaning/importance/consequences behind that timeframe. Perhaps this is in that book 'The Rules'. I should read that book lol. The thing about rules is that, as interesting as they are, they aren't meant to be followed stringently. Rules usually have an element of truth behind them, and are worth considering. But they are training wheels at best. For example, I have just set up a first and second date with a woman for next week. Going out for drinks on Monday or Tuesday (depending on my schedule), and going to a rock gig on Saturday. And I'm sure that people here would consider that "not best practice". I'm sure that people in the Manosphere and Pick up community would consider it "not best practice" too. The trick to 'game' (and yes, girls have game too with their 'rules' and whatnot) is to learn the rules, master the rules, and then break the rules. Amused mastery should be the goal. Not some kind of strict adherence to a bunch of rules. In other words, I'm going to trust that you have enough competence to judge whether you are being loved enough or not. You should have trust in that competence too. 5
Lois_Griffin Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Just curious about how long do you think a woman should wait for a man to say 'I love you.' Six months? A year? If he hasn't said it after a year should she move on? If it's a long distance relationship do you think it would take longer? He's seen you twice in 7 moths. I see my plumber more. He's probably just not that invested as it's primarily a Skype/texting/calling/emailing 'relationship.' It's more fantasy than anything else. 2
getsmartie Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 I agree with Lois. Twice in 7 months isn't enough face to face time to make someone fall in love. As a side note to those that say you have to heard it within weeks, I think that's total BS....in mere weeks of knowing someone you are in lust and that's it. Love comes much later. My bf took just over a year to actually say those words but I just knew he did....again actions!
Cherryz Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 There are different stages that a romantic relationship CAN go true. 1-you like ( a feeling) 2-you inlove (a feeling) 3-you love (not a feeling) It can also happen that your feelings for the person ends after liking and after being inlove a while. Only in a very small cases it become love. And that is something that happen true years and experiencing each other. And its something that you cant control or force it to happen. When it happen it happen naturally. I think most people in most of their relationships that they have or have head where just inlove. But they try to make it as it is love and the other should say i love you. When its real love you will know it, and the person will tell you naturally. I dont think you need to wait for that big word while being just inlove with eachother. It gives you and others false hope. Maybe its better to enjoy being inlove, and worry much more if both are inlove still and respect each other. 1
Cherryz Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 And accept and respect when these feelings ends from both or from one side.
Cherryz Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Like and fall inlove can happen in days, weeks, months , 5 years or less. But for it to grow into love, it takes years, and often it CAN become it after after 5 years.
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