selinaluv Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I usually don't doubt this question, but also wonder if it is best if the man does the asking. But what if you know they may not due to circumstances? There is a peer at work who was contracting for a year and just got hired. In the beginning, I really did not pay him much time, but the past few months and more conversation I have become interested. I can tell he is attracted and have been told he has asked about me. It is confirmed he is single, but he also strikes me as someone who could be interested in many women, so I am not sure I'm that special here. A couple weeks ago after he was flirting with me, I impulsively sent him an instant message and told him I like talking to him and would like to get to know him better. He agreed said he would like to do the same, stating "we have plenty of time to do so". I believe that is in reference to him just getting hired and on a probation period. Since then he has made a point to talk to me and he clearly gets that I may have opened that door. I think he is interested, but not quiet sure he truly thinks I am that interested - because how aloof I had been for the past year. I also know he is playing it safe after just being hired. Wondering how to proceed. I am exploring a new job opportunity within the company and may leave the department soon. If that happens, I have the urge to invite him to a baseball game(he is a big fan and unknown to him, so am I). I just don't want to miss out on a good opportunity. LOL I think I need stories of inspiration with women asking their men out...
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Never, ever,ever EVER date in the workplace. Period, end of, full stop.
PegNosePete Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Agree with the above regarding work romances. Don't do it. But to answer your question in a more general sense, no problem with women doing the asking here. However... A couple weeks ago after he was flirting with me, I impulsively sent him an instant message and told him I like talking to him and would like to get to know him better. He agreed said he would like to do the same, stating "we have plenty of time to do so". If he were interested then he would surely have taken that golden opportunity you handed him on a plate, to ask you out. Sounds like he put you on the back burner, either because he's not that interested, or has other prospects on the go.
phineas Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Agree with the above regarding work romances. Don't do it. But to answer your question in a more general sense, no problem with women doing the asking here. However... If he were interested then he would surely have taken that golden opportunity you handed him on a plate, to ask you out. Sounds like he put you on the back burner, either because he's not that interested, or has other prospects on the go. I did almost the exact thing with a co-worker because she was a co-worker. It took a lot of will power to friendzone her for yrs. Dropping hints that i'd never date someone I worked with ect. SHE however kept dating guys from work & then had to deal with seeing them after and she never seemed to learn her lesson. I did it once and it wasn't even a relationship. Just went out a few times & the woman just blew me off. I saw her at least once a week and she just stopped talking to me like we never knew each other for no reason whatsoever. LOL! Then a yr later after I dropped 50lbs she texted me out of the blue and asked me to lunch. I asked her what happened and why she blew me off before and she wasn't ready for me to ask that so her answer was "she lost my number" She had my email,my number, and knew where my desk was. Yeah. DO NOT DATE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH.
Toodaloo Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I don't think its a good idea to date at work either. I am not vehemently against it but its not a good idea... As a woman who has asked men out and who has spoken to her male friends about this my experience is thus. Some really like it. Some really hate it... There didn't seem to be any in between. There is also no way of knowing which side a guy sits on this fence until you ask so you could head for disaster without knowing it. So what I have learnt is that if I am interested there are ways in which I can flirt and make it clear they will not be rejected but leave it to them to ask me out instead. So far this approach has worked. 1
Author selinaluv Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 All good points and something to consider about dating in the workplace. I am not a big fan of it either, but it is hard to meet people and sometimes I wonder if I should explore "alternative" options. My ex husband and I met in the workplace and worked together for four years before I left for a better job. The company we worked for had several couples meet and marry there, so we weren't out of the norm. The situation was never an issue, we were good about not bringing home to the workplace, and we split up long after we worked together. But I understand the concerns. I do believe he would be interested if we did not work together, but it doesn't matter and I do need to respect the situation. We work for a very large company - like 180,000 people, 80,000 people in our region alone. Most people in my work neighborhood works for our company, so it is hard to meet people who don't work here. Everyone at happy hour is with our org. But if I moved into the new division, it would be in a separate high rise blocks away, practically working for a different company. Something I guess I could consider for the future.
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Dating at work is fraught with pitfalls. If you are willing to deal with those, proceed. I would not ask this guy out yet. His interest is lukewarm at best. I would find out when the next time the gang at work was hitting happy hour; I would also schedule one if none was pending. Then I would invite him to join the group. If he doesn't show for that, write him off. If he does, be flirty. Gauge his interest from there.
S_A Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I was approached by a woman a few days ago. We were complete strangers to each other. I thought the whole process was hot. 1
jen1447 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I've probably asked out more guys than the other way around, haha. I think it's perfectly fine and shows you have balls. (And I'm dating someone from work, fwiw. My company's like yours w/the numbers - not really a big deal IMO, the company peer matters more.)
Author selinaluv Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 (edited) I've probably asked out more guys than the other way around, haha. I think it's perfectly fine and shows you have balls. (And I'm dating someone from work, fwiw. My company's like yours w/the numbers - not really a big deal IMO, the company peer matters more.) Yes, I guess I don't have an issue asking men out. Life is too short to be guessing. In this case, I would be cautious with the work thing. I am going to observe and see how things go a bit more with this one. Regardless I see him everyday, so you never know in the future. Our company does not have a policy against dating coworkers, unless one of the involved impacts the other's performance and merit review. That is not the case here. I just referenced him as a peer because he is not a manager or above. Our work does not align at all, only just started speaking to each other and are in different departments/roles. We just happen to be on the same floor. Edited May 18, 2016 by selinaluv 1
jen1447 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Yes, I guess I don't have an issue asking men out. Life is too short to be guessing. In this case, I would be cautious with the work thing. I am going to observe and see how things go a bit more with this one. Regardless I see him everyday, so you never know in the future. Our company does not have a policy against dating coworkers, unless one of the involved impacts the other's performance and merit review. That is not the case here. I just referenced him as a peer because he is not a manager or above. Our work does not align at all, only just started speaking to each other and are in different departments/roles. We just happen to be on the same floor. Yep, much like me.
smackie9 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 When I was dating I asked guys out all the time....all positive, not one didn't like it.
SwordofFlame Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 The "alpha-male" who would be bothered by women asking him out, would have already asked you out if he was interested in you. I don't think there are many men these days that would be bothered by women asking them out first.
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