patooks Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 So I have met this girl 3 times in the last week. We went on our 2nd date today, just out for lunch together. So there is a definite physical attraction between us no doubt, but during the convo she asked me about let's see if we are heading in the right direction. We like similar music, both don't want another child ( she has a 9 year old and a 1 year old ), I have a 2 year old. She is an ex cop and works in fraud for people on benefits. I work in specialized retail, so we both have goals and are driven. All was fine until the end of lunch, when her mood changed and she said she had to go back to the office to do a write up for her next case. So we kissed each other goodbye, and I asked if we are still all good, and she said yes, she wouldn't be spending time with me if it wasn't. So I had a funny gut feeling, so I texted her about an hour later and asked her again, are you sure you are ok. She then texted me and said, yes she is physically attracted to me, but she's not sure if we are heading in the same path. I was like umm, we are similar age, we both don't want any more kids, we have fun together, she said to me she isn't materialistic, and we even talked about me meeting her kids and hanging around them. Her kids are the make or break, but now she said she's not sure about us, just don't get how in the space of 3 days she has changed her mind. There is no one else, we text each other every day as well. I'm really confused, she said it's how she feels at the moment, but when I said maybe we should just part ways she was like I'm not saying it won't change. Any ladies that can share more on this please. Thank you.
Mrin Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Dude here. I feel for you. I've I had to bet I'd say you did or said something that triggered her. Sometimes these triggers can be obvious. But sometimes they can be things you never see coming. Like the way you chewed your food reminded her of an ass**** ex. Or the way you smelled reminded her of something else. You just never know. The best thing you can do is get her to possibly open up about it. But also give her some space to work through it. Process it. Best of luck dude.
SammySammy Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I suspect she doesn't want to be with a man who is "gutted" and "really confused" after two dates. Doesn't seem like the type of guy any woman would want to build a relationship with much less a policewoman. 1
Author patooks Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Bit harsh don't you reckon. This coming from a girl who texted me at 2 am after been out with her workmates, telling me to come to hers and sleep with her and keep her company. One minute shes saying I want you to meet my kids and I will cook you a nice meal and we can hang out at mine, and we are exclusive to each other while we date, to what she said today, in the space of 3 days. Just from one extreme to another, sorry but I really like this girl and am confused to what I said to her to make her 2nd guess her * emotional relationship * with me.
Orion39 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Not a lady, but here's my two cents from my experience. Perhaps the being close so quickly is what scares/startled her and she wants to be sure and play it safe. Keep moving forward, keep the lines of communication open. 1
Versacehottie Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Bit harsh don't you reckon. This coming from a girl who texted me at 2 am after been out with her workmates, telling me to come to hers and sleep with her and keep her company. One minute shes saying I want you to meet my kids and I will cook you a nice meal and we can hang out at mine, and we are exclusive to each other while we date, to what she said today, in the space of 3 days. Just from one extreme to another, sorry but I really like this girl and am confused to what I said to her to make her 2nd guess her * emotional relationship * with me. Maybe this is who she is the: One extreme to another person. She may be having doubts that are legit for her as well which is what causes her extremes. Could be you, could be a child that is one year old, which makes me think she has probably been through a lot lately. My guess of what couldn't have helped is that when she reassured you the first time at the end of lunch, you should have left it at that. To have a spidey sense that it wasn't resolved and reach out again for more reassurance is kind of a turnoff (not trying to be harsh--just saying it as it would feel). If she was on the fence all ready, that could have tipped things over the other side. Then again she went from one extreme to the other in the conversation where she was breaking it off essentially. People show you who they are. Are you paying attention? And vice versa, you showed her who you are. Some people enjoy the super-sensitive guy but it can also read as insecure, drama, overly invested and heavy--especially two dates in, right? Some women get caught up (like a 2am text or call) in initial attention and feelings but take you on their overly emotional journey with them. Because it's almost like a false rush about the attention not like a real relationship because let's face it 2 dates in a real relationship is a little far-fetched (and faced with it, she scampered back). It sounds like you bought into it and/or having those tendencies of your own too. I think it's possible that she has good, valid reasons not having to do with you for her flip flopping. However, her judgement to handle things like she has is maybe not so solid or mature. good luck. 1
Buddhist Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) but during the convo she asked me about let's see if we are heading in the right direction. so I texted her about an hour later and asked her again, are you sure you are ok. She was probably irritated that you followed up her first response with a pestering text trying to get more out her than she was willing to give. This may have in fact cemented whatever caution she felt about you. She then texted me and said, yes she is physically attracted to me, but she's not sure if we are heading in the same path. Hence this. Maybe she just doesn't want a guy second guessing her and pestering her with it? just don't get how in the space of 3 days she has changed her mind. There is no one else, we text each other every day as well. I'm really confused, she said it's how she feels at the moment, but when I said maybe we should just part ways she was like I'm not saying it won't change. She's not changing her mind, she is simply in two minds and your actions right now aren't helping her to have a positive view of you. This is not a job interview where the credentials on paper get you in the door. Right now she is having reservations probably because she isn't feeling a great attachment to you for whatever reasons. I'll be frank here, your texts would have just sealed the deal in the negative for me. It would have shown me that you are second guessing me and it would have felt pushy to keep pressing the issue instead of leaving to me to those thoughts and feelings of mine to sort them out on my own. I would not go for a pushy partner like this. Her MMV. If I were you I'd let it be and things might still come good. Don't press her with your neediness or assume that everything is going wrong just because things aren't going to your speed and according to your expectations of what should be happening. Edited May 19, 2016 by Buddhist 3
Dis Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) So I have met this girl 3 times in the last week. We went on our 2nd date today, just out for lunch together. So there is a definite physical attraction between us no doubt, but during the convo she asked me about let's see if we are heading in the right direction. We like similar music, both don't want another child ( she has a 9 year old and a 1 year old ), I have a 2 year old. She is an ex cop and works in fraud for people on benefits. I work in specialized retail, so we both have goals and are driven. All was fine until the end of lunch, when her mood changed and she said she had to go back to the office to do a write up for her next case. So we kissed each other goodbye, and I asked if we are still all good, and she said yes, she wouldn't be spending time with me if it wasn't. So I had a funny gut feeling, so I texted her about an hour later and asked her again, are you sure you are ok. She then texted me and said, yes she is physically attracted to me, but she's not sure if we are heading in the same path. I was like umm, we are similar age, we both don't want any more kids, we have fun together, she said to me she isn't materialistic, and we even talked about me meeting her kids and hanging around them. Her kids are the make or break, but now she said she's not sure about us, just don't get how in the space of 3 days she has changed her mind. There is no one else, we text each other every day as well. I'm really confused, she said it's how she feels at the moment, but when I said maybe we should just part ways she was like I'm not saying it won't change. Any ladies that can share more on this please. Thank you. A women here....ok so she either got scared off (maybe shes afriad of getting close to people) or you did something she didnt like (could be anything). Hun, while I'm sorry your so hurt....you only had 2 dates with her. You need to keep in mind while dating that anything can change in the beginning, things can end at the drop of a hat and for no reason. People just change their minds, like I've heard other posters say...dating is a trial period...seeing if you like the person, if youre compatible, if you want to keep moving forward. She just made up her mind that you werent the guy for her. Also...I think its strange she wanted you to meet her kids after only 3 dates...thats wayyyy to fast for something like that. "she said it's how she feels at the moment, but when I said maybe we should just part ways she was like I'm not saying it won't change." ^^^This is just BS right here^^^ Oh can you just hang around for awhile until I change my mind and maybe want you again??? F*** that!!!! Hun....have some respect for yourself and tell this women that your not someone's back up plan! Unless you want to keep getting hurt you need to stop all communication. Close that door. This women sounds flakey and flighty....recipe for disaster. Edited May 19, 2016 by Disillusionment373 2
anika99 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 As a woman I agree with the previous poster. This one is either playing games or she's emotionally flakey. In either case I wouldn't bother with her cause she sounds like trouble. Telling you that things might change is just her way of saying "hey, I'd like to put you in my back pocket so that I can take you out to stroke my ego from time to time, while keeping my options with other men open". Stop talking to her and as you have only known her for a week (which means you don't really know her at all) this is nothing to be "gutted" over. Tell her to move on. 1
truth_seeker Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 she has a 9 year old and a 1 year old, I have a 2 year old. Why is she single with a 1 year old? Why are you single with a 2 year old? Why is she an ex cop?
AMJ Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 There's something you said during lunch that bothered her. Probably the last thing you said right before you say here "the mood changed and she had to go back to work". How do you know there's a strong physical connection? And why did you go on three dates within a single week?
Author patooks Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 K. An update, she text me late last night saying she had been thinking about me and where we are heading. Her ex died 4 years ago and she hasn't really been serious with anyone since then. She admitted to me it's all her, she is the one with the problem, she is possibly scared of getting hurt and probably is putting up a wall. She said she needs space to figure out what she wants and I will give it to her. So we originally met online, but at that time she wasn't in the right head space, but we connected a month later and here we are now. She has a stressful job, and been a single mother to a 6 and 1 year old. Should i just move on or give her here space and see what happens ? I know she isn't on any dating sites.
Author patooks Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 She had a fling with a guy from work, she got pregnant, and he ended it and has nothing to do with their son. He's an asswipe. As for myself , I was with my sons mum for 10 years, we split when our son was 1 year old. Love was gone etc. I don't know why she quit the cops ? Turn over rate is very high where I live.
Erik30 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 She has a one year old kid so she obviously was seeing someone after her ex died four years ago... Just move on and date other women. She might come back, but don't wait for her
Grey40 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 I wouldn't wait for her either. Sounds like a total headache and nightmare and she's not currently mentally stable. I wouldn't want her near my 2 year old if I had one. If she comes back and you still want her, deal with it then. But for now I would move forward as if you're single.
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