ZenMasta Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Hey all. Thanks again for all the advice from my original thread. It's been extremely helpful. <3 I've been in NC for seven days now and it's not getting easier. My emotions are very conflicted. I'm torn but I don't know why. My Ex and I broke up after a toxic relationship, then about 2 weeks later of NC, I got a booty call from her one night. Of course, I didn't think twice. The next day she acted like she loved me again, then 2 days later she needed space, then after a week of NC I received a text "I'm sorry. You can come get your belongings". No explanation, just sorry, come get your s***. I feel sorta used. Like she got what she wanted then tossed me aside. I know it's my fault as I'm the one who put myself in a situation to get hurt. I don't stalk her on social media and avoid anything to do with her. So why do I keep hoping she'll drop breadcrumbs? Literally, every time my phone beeps, a part of me is hoping it's her. What the heck is wrong with me? I'm scared that she might reach out to me somehow and I won't be able to resist the temptation. I am working on re-establishing my boundaries but feel like I'm still vulnerable/weak. Assuming that these feelings are stemmed from a bruised ego, is this just a matter of rebuilding my self-confidence/integrity? NC this time around seems far more difficult than it did before. Thanks for lending an ear. 1
Zahara Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Everything you feel is normal. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Seven days into NC is nothing -- it's going to take some months for you to start feeling some level of emotional stability. It's a little more difficult because your hope resurfaced only to be disappointed. There's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're doing everything right -- these feelings are natural. 3
LD1990 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 You're used to talking to her. You probably talked to her every day of the relationship in some way, right? You'd see her often, talk on the phone, text. Anytime you lose something or someone that has been such a big part of your life, you feel it. It's an adjustment period. If you smoked a pack a day, and then decided to quit, you'd crave a cigarette quite a bit to start, even knowing that it's bad for you. It can take a couple months before that desire to hear from your ex really starts to go away. Staying busy helps. It's well worth it, because it feels great once you get to that point when you're not constantly thinking about your ex, hoping she'll text. You appreciate it when you get there. Just stay strong, keep yourself occupied, and don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself too much. 1
JustAnotherLostLove Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I just passed the 8 month mark. she split from me in September. I haven't spoken to her since that day. We've exchanged a text here and there, last one was on new years eve I believe, maybe Christmas. She is however, still on my Facebook, and I have the pleasure (sarcasm) of seeing her enjoy her life with what appears to be another guy. I'm obviously still not ready to let go, even tho she has, long ago. Point is, I'm 8 months in, and I've made some progress, but not much at all to be honest. I think it's a case by case basis, with regards to how long it takes for one to heal. I read somewhere that it takes 2 months for every year you were together. So in theory, for myself, I should have been over her in 6 months. Maybe you can apply that to yourself, assuming you stay strong and stick to the game plan. However, it's probably about 5 times harder for the dumpee to move on. Since we're rendered powerless, and they are not. I wish you the best, but again, I'm 8 months in, and it's hard for me. If you really want to move on, wipe your hands entirely clean of her, in every way. 1
Emilia Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 It is tough yes but I think around 5 weeks you start getting the point, as someone said, at around 8 weeks you probably won't even want to talk. 1
Author ZenMasta Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 Everything you feel is normal. It's going to get worse before it gets better. Seven days into NC is nothing -- it's going to take some months for you to start feeling some level of emotional stability. It's a little more difficult because your hope resurfaced only to be disappointed. There's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're doing everything right -- these feelings are natural. Thank you, Zahara. That's exactly what I was hoping to hear. I've been through hard breakups before and recovered quickly, but because of this unique situation, I have not been acting accordingly. I guess it is pretty early, I was just hoping I could have picked up where I left off. The resurfaced hope was really hard on me. It was very draining. I just want to be me again, the best version of myself, that awesome guy!! I'll get there, eventually. She is however, still on my Facebook, and I have the pleasure (sarcasm) of seeing her enjoy her life with what appears to be another guy. I'm obviously still not ready to let go, even tho she has, long ago. I wish you the best, but again, I'm 8 months in, and it's hard for me. If you really want to move on, wipe your hands entirely clean of her, in every way. There's no way I could keep my Ex as Facebook friends. No way Jose! It's too tempting but doesn't mean I've not struggled with the idea. I just think it's better to delete all those reminders. It's too easy to get caught in the wheel of negative thought. I believe wiping my hands entirely of her and the relationship is some solid advice. Yes, this is exactly what I need to do. I truly want to be successful and grow to love myself again. This might be the only avenue for such an endeavor as this. Thank you. I wish you the best as well.
Zahara Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Thank you, Zahara. That's exactly what I was hoping to hear. I've been through hard breakups before and recovered quickly, but because of this unique situation, I have not been acting accordingly. I guess it is pretty early, I was just hoping I could have picked up where I left off. The resurfaced hope was really hard on me. It was very draining. I just want to be me again, the best version of myself, that awesome guy!! I'll get there, eventually. They say that it's harder to detach from toxic relationships because of the way one has conditioned themselves emotionally and mentally throughout the relationship -- those toxic hooks are embedded deep into your psyche. So, don't rush or beat yourself up if you're feeling as if you're stagnating. It's going to take time to reverse all those emotions and thought patterns. Yes, you'll get there! Definitely. It's hard to see that right now or have a solid grip on it because you're still emotionally clouded. But when the fog starts to lift, you'll know you're getting to that better place and it's going to be such a wonderful feeling! Stay strong and keep pushing through. 3
ydb_xo Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 honestly, sometimes I would like to be texted or called as well (breadcrumbs) but i know it will only hurt me and set me back ten steps. my ex and I havent contacted eachother for a month now. sometimes i feel like like, damn he's really over me...but do i really need that emotional drama while im trying to better myself? it really depends on you, do you want to heal and move on? Or can you not let her go? yes she did use you when you got that bootycall. she gets what she wants and you are left with the mess. I highly suggest keeping the nc going, its hard...but it will help. turn off notification from her number and try to delete the texts and not responding on the calls if you see it on your phone. if she left a vm please dont read it. you deserve to heal and one day be happy, holding on to someone that doesnt want you will keep hurting you. good luck 1
Author ZenMasta Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 I broke NC - Of, course I did. I guess I was sleeping when I received these messages. 11:09 PM ExGF:"It would make my heart feel better if I had never known you." ExGF: "No response needed." 12:02 PM EXGF: "Did you take my grey sweatshirt?" I woke up around 1:05 AM to my phone alerting me of these things. In my hazy and rather rash sensibilities, I responded. Me: "That's pretty cruel to say." .... then I went back to sleep for a half hour before I realized I broke NC and woke up. I knew it was going to happen, but still, even in my slumber I still arose out of bed and texted her back. I knew I was weak. I'm so sorry all. What can I do to avoid this? Shut off my phone?
LD1990 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Wow, sounds like she's really upset about that grey sweatshirt Just block her number, problem solved. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not the end of the world. What day of NC you're on doesn't really matter - it's not like you level up for every 10 days of NC. You'll go through ups and downs during your healing process, but if you do your best with NC, it gets to the point where it's like you're not doing anything anymore, it's just normal for you.
Emilia Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I knew I was weak. I'm so sorry all. What can I do to avoid this? Shut off my phone? Do whatever it is that you need to do. Once I destroyed my SIM card on purpose because I knew it would take me a couple of weeks to get another (this was like 10 years ago).
keiji Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Sounds like a classic late night tantrum. I've been there too, on both sides of the ridiculous message. Block her number if your phone allows to do that. No phone calls, no Whatsapp, no SMS, no nothing. And no social media stalking!! Don't beat yourself up for breaking NC. I'm pretty sure all of us here have done it at some point, and 99% of the times have regretted it. I did it last Sunday, but the circumstances were different, and I think it's been good to me. Yours being a toxic relationship, I'd suggest you to disappear from her life and viceversa.
Recommended Posts