iphone_user1 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Would it be okay to ghost a girl I've never met but been talking/texting for 3 weeks? I mean, I'm not interested in meeting up anymore for a couple of reasons that made me pull back. However, she seems very interested in meeting with me for more and has given me a lot of green lights. I do know it's all a fairy tale until we meet each other in person, but I think this girl doesn't think the same and is kind of very forward. So how do I cut it without making her feel bad? Should I just ghost her?
deadparrot Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Try not to ghost. Sure, you could, but it doesn't cost anything to say "Hey, I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I'm not sure we're a match romantically." If she lashes out or otherwise responds badly to that, then you can ghost, but I think you owe her the courtesy of letting her know you just haven't fallen off the face of the earth. 6
GemmaUK Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 You've been chatting too so take some responsibility and let her know you're no longer interested. As DP said, if she flares up then no need to respond - block her if needs be. 2
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Just gracefully say "Sorry but I have decided not to pursue this any further. Bets of luck to you." then block/delete. 1
kztar Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Ghosting says alot about your character. Tell her you're not interested and that's all. No need to ghost man. 2
Author iphone_user1 Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 Okay, I will not ghost. I will talk and tell her. 1
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Here's a tip: Don't spend 3 weeks texting someone. If you find them attractive, ask them out. Usually within the first 10 mins or so you will know whether you want to see them again. Chatting for weeks with someone gives them the impression you are already invested/dating them. Stop it. Get to know someone face to face...that is what a date is for. 4
kztar Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Okay, I will not ghost. I will talk and tell her. Good move. Believe me she will understand. You've only been talking. You haven't been invested in a relationship for her to be questioning you. I tell you I would say okay cool and move on to the next. Simple for all.
mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I've been ghosted before. I can't say I'm happy about it, but ... It's what it is. I for one would like that person to just say "I don't think we're a match" or "I am not interested" or whatever else, but that's not going to happen either. Have you actually asked to meet this woman? I met someone not too long ago for an internet date, we really hit it off, but over the next week or so I realize this ain't gonna happen because he did not ask to see me again, we were just texting "Hi how are you?" messages to each other. I wish otherwise, but, it's what it is. If you value your integrity, which I hope you do, just say to her somehow that I think it's over and done with, no hard feelings but we're not a match. 1
salparadise Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Okay, I will not ghost. I will talk and tell her. I would also suggest giving her a reason, if there is one that's not too personal. Don't say that she has been too forward if that's what it is. Allow her to chalk it up to circumstances, not personal failing, if possible. 2
preraph Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Just to put closure on it, why not say, Hey, I met someone I'm going to pursue. I just wanted you to know. I wish you the best. Make it sound final. She will probably reply, but if she does, if you text back anything, text "Bye" 2
Author iphone_user1 Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 I've been ghosted before. I can't say I'm happy about it, but ... It's what it is. I for one would like that person to just say "I don't think we're a match" or "I am not interested" or whatever else, but that's not going to happen either. Have you actually asked to meet this woman? I met someone not too long ago for an internet date, we really hit it off, but over the next week or so I realize this ain't gonna happen because he did not ask to see me again, we were just texting "Hi how are you?" messages to each other. I wish otherwise, but, it's what it is. If you value your integrity, which I hope you do, just say to her somehow that I think it's over and done with, no hard feelings but we're not a match. I never asked to meet her. She's the one who has been saying things like "we should go have dinner someday" and I was like "sure, we'll set it one of theses days" LOL I was never that interested for that. If the dinner happened, fine, if it didn't, fine, I didn't really care, so I just kept texting and talking because I feel fine like that, but seems like she wants more and more. Anyway, I just said "hi" to her in order to have the talk, but she seems like mad because I didn't talk to her for 2 days LOL I'm gonna tell her later what it is. 1
Methodical Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 It's complicated to read ppl thru texts. She was giving you the green light rather than have you play the guessing game, so the least you can do is return the favor my letting her know you are moving in another direction. Although ppl ghost, it isn't cool. Glad you decided to show some class. 1
salparadise Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I never asked to meet her. She's the one who has been saying things like "we should go have dinner someday"... so I just kept texting and talking because I feel fine like that, but seems like she wants more and more. Just out of curiosity, what made you decide to give up on her after 3 weeks of texting/talking? Would you rather she played hard to get?
Author iphone_user1 Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Just out of curiosity, what made you decide to give up on her after 3 weeks of texting/talking? Would you rather she played hard to get? Messy past (emotional baggage), single mom (22) and HUGE political differences... and I'm just 25, so there is no way I'm heading that course. No, I don't like girls playing hard get, maybe a little bit is okay, but not that much.
kztar Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Messy past (emotional baggage), single mom (22) and HUGE political differences... and I'm just 25, so there is no way I'm heading that course. No, I don't like girls playing hard get, maybe a little bit is okay, but not that much. And you were talking to this girl for three weeks knowing all of this because?....... Not a match from the start.
Author iphone_user1 Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 And you were talking to this girl for three weeks knowing all of this because?....... Not a match from the start. Because she is cool to talk to, but that's it.
katiegrl Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Messy past (emotional baggage), single mom (22) and HUGE political differences... and I'm just 25, so there is no way I'm heading that course. No, I don't like girls playing hard get, maybe a little bit is okay, but not that much. Did you ever plan to meet her, or were you one of guys who only wanted a texting buddy? I am not really seeing the point of texting or continuing to text someone you have no interest in meeting. What for kicks? It's mis-leading as obviously her intent was to meet, which is most people's intent when they "meet" someone on line. Unless again they are only looking for a texting buddy, but if that's the case it's best to be upfront about that from the get go so as to avoid raising their hopes to one day actually meet you in person. In any event, no don't ghost. Just send her yet another text telling her you have enjoyed chatting but don't wish to pursue further. Wish her the best. 2
kztar Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 Did you ever plan to meet her, or were you one of guys who only wanted a texting buddy? I am not really seeing the point of texting or continuing to text someone you have no interest in meeting. What for kicks? It's mis-leading as obviously her intent was to meet, which is most people's intent when they "meet" someone on line. Unless again they are only looking for a texting buddy, but if that's the case it's best to be upfront about that from the get go so as to avoid raising their hopes to one day actually meet you in person. In any event, no don't ghost. Just send her yet another text telling her you have enjoyed chatting but don't wish to pursue further. Wish her the best. This right here. SOLID advice man. As cool as she is it was misleading her. I know from personal experience people are not online dating looking for texting buddies. 1
Author iphone_user1 Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 (edited) Did you ever plan to meet her, or were you one of guys who only wanted a texting buddy? I am not really seeing the point of texting or continuing to text someone you have no interest in meeting. What for kicks? It's mis-leading as obviously her intent was to meet, which is most people's intent when they "meet" someone on line. Unless again they are only looking for a texting buddy, but if that's the case it's best to be upfront about that from the get go so as to avoid raising their hopes to one day actually meet you in person. In any event, no don't ghost. Just send her yet another text telling her you have enjoyed chatting but don't wish to pursue further. Wish her the best. This right here. SOLID advice man. As cool as she is it was misleading her. I know from personal experience people are not online dating looking for texting buddies. I only meet if I really like her. Okay, look, I think I'm making a mistake because I go by liking every profile on OLD without checking first LOL so if I have a match, no matter how unattractive she looks to me, I still talk because I like to talk. However, I only plan to meet them if I find them attractive enough to me. And yes, I found this girl attractive enough until the next day I went full stalker on her facebook and found out through public postings that she was a single mom and had huge political differences, then it went down the hill and put her in the texting buddy zone like the girls I don't find attractive enough but cool to text/talk to. I'm *****ed I guess. Edited May 18, 2016 by iphone_user1
jebrooks1988 Posted May 18, 2016 Posted May 18, 2016 I only meet if I really like her. Okay, look, I think I'm making a mistake because I go by liking every profile on OLD without checking first LOL so if I have a match, no matter how unattractive she looks to me, I still talk because I like to talk. However, I only plan to meet them if I find them attractive enough to me. And yes, I found this girl attractive enough until the next day I went full stalker on her facebook and found out through public postings that she was a single mom and had huge political differences, then it went down the hill and put her in the texting buddy zone like the girls I don't find attractive enough but cool to text/talk to. I'm *****ed I guess. It kind of sounds like she dodged a bullet as well. Next time when a woman wants to meet with you don't say "okay sure" if you don't have any intention to do that. You should've told her right then and there that you weren't interested in meeting. Either way it's good that you're not going ghost on her. We appreciate when people are straight forward with us, good or bad 2
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