Well errhm, it's about sleeping together

[Vicky876]

And really, actually just 'sleeping' together.

 

I met a guy through mutual friends about 7 months ago. There was this instant attraction between us. It's as if we're continuously playing a game together and challenging one another. It feels really comfortable being with him when we're together.

 

However, I've never had the nerve to actually ask him out or texting him casually. We mainly meet by coincidence going out and being slightly drunk and ending up talking a lot and then sleeping together. We do kiss and snuggle, we are very passionate, up to a certain point in which he says he's just too tired and then we fall asleep. :S It makes me feel insecure, although friends say he actually is quite intimidated by me and that would be the case nothing else happens. Oh well, it's not the most important thing at this point.

 

 

Thing is, we have a lot in common. He's a bit younger than I am (4yrs younger, on the other hand: a LOT taller with his 6'5). I am quite in love, hoping to 'accidentally meet him' nearly every day, unless I have a bad hair day. I asked him out 6 months ago and he responded very enthousiastic, but nothing really happened after that. I guess I chickened out a bit, not really expecting his enthousiastic response. Now we met again last weekend and we slept next to each other again. He went home yesterday and yesterday evening I came to the point where I texted him, saying: 'I really like lying next to you, can I say that? haha. Xx' And he said: 'haha, of course you can, me too.'

 

And it fel silent. Again -_-. Hmpf. Now, how can I avoid not seeing him again for about six months? How do I ask him out casually? For a cup of coffee or so?

 

I do have the tendency to come across quite selfsecure, when in fact I am not. Actually, Ì even feel a bit intimidated by him. Just by seeing him again this weekend and feeling my heart's relief seeing him, I can hardly deny I'm really, really fond of him.

 

Can I make this work and, if so, how? I still, still don't know how to ask a man out properly. :S

Edited May 17, 2016 by Vicky876
not finished yet

[LostOne08]

So what's the question here?

 

I'll assume it's one of two things. The first one being why you haven't had sex yet? That's a question better answered by you two. If you're sleeping together and kissing, sex would be the next step in that progression. If he really is intimidated by you, that could explain why it hasn't gone farther. He may be too nervous and that may cause some sort of performance anxiety. Or, maybe like he says, he's too tired. If it's bothering you, I would open a dialogue with him about it. I think he clearly does enjoy what you have now and like most guys, he probably does want to have sex with you, but if there's an issue there you two should address it now rather than later.

 

The second thing you might be asking is why you two haven't gone on a proper date yet. Again, only you two can answer that one. If he is intimidated by you, that might explain that. But, since you two are hooking up I doubt he'd be nervous about asking you out. He might not want to take things further than they are now if there's some sexual anxiety there. You could always ask him out first, though. Or strongly suggest you want him to ask you out.

[Empyrea]

Why did the date 6 months ago not happen? Did he follow up at all?

 

It kind of feels like if he were interested, he would have made a proper move? I had a crush on a guy like that, he was this why-not go-with-the-flow type of guy, so whenever I asked him out, he seemed super enthusiastic and mostly would agree to whatever I offered, but there was very little initiative on his part and I always felt really insecure, like I wasn't sure if he really liked me or not. Eventually, after months of stringing me along and me developing feelings, he just faded out. I felt like I should have trusted my gut on that. If a guy is interested, it really does show. In your case, since you already asked him out and nothing came of it.. I would be sceptical. But hey, just try asking him out again and see what happens. And try texting or chatting more often to establish some sort of a connection. Maybe he really is just intimidated because you're older than he is. In any case, there's no point in just sleeping together, as you put it, every couple of months, is there? So you have nothing to lose.

[elaine567]

Is it possible he has a gf or is besotted with someone else?

[Vicky876]

@LostOne08:

 

Pfff. It's really both. I'm just somehow really anxious about being rejected, that he might respond with: 'Did you REALLY think I'm into you!?' Eventhough the last time I asked him on a date was six months ago, somehow if I ask him again I feel a bit 'pushy'. Empyrea, here you are actually putting my worst fear into words haha.

 

The first time we talked one on one, I didn't know him that well at all, he invited me over and he was quite persistent then. I was on my way to go home and he literally stood in front of me and said: 'nooo, please have a drink with me.' He was persuasive and I did, we talked all night, it felt really natural and fun as if we'd known each other for ages. The thing what attracted me was that he actually took the initiative and was persuasive and bold, not being intimidated at all. At least, that's what I thought. He was só bold, that I even thought: who's this kid having quite the nerve. He is quite dominant with his length and appearance, but I thought: you are nót impressing me and I am definitely not letting myself be tempted. It was getting late and I said I was going home. Again, he said: 'nooo, please, you don't want to go home, I know that. Please, sleep next to me, I'll be a gentlemen, honestly. Please, stay.' The way he said it was as if I'd landed in some romantic comedy with Ryan Reynolds asking it. I had to laugh so hard.

 

I indeed have nothing to lose and it could be that he's insecure. For example, he works in a restaurant's kitchen, I work as a chief editor, managing 40 people and doing nearly the same job as his dad's. I'm 29, he is 25. He's very insecure about the work he does, not having finished higher education, when he does have the intelligence. Oh, and yea, he still lives with his parents. It's a miracle I'm attracted to him, but, as stated above. It's an attitude I hardly come across.

 

@elaine567, I indeed was wondering and asked one of his friends whether he was seeing someone or has a crush, but he couldn't say.

 

Six months ago we didn't date, because I asked him if he'd like to and he said: 'yes' and I said: great when shall we meet? And then he didn't respond and I reckoned he was busy and didn't want to be pushy so I didn't respond either.

 

Oh dear, this is what I hate about 'liking' someone: being insecure. I'd rather run around with a bag over my head and having earpluggs in singing 'I'm perfectly happy with myself' than letting someone notice me blushing when he walks along. I'm becoming way too analytical to avoid any form of heartache. -_- Silly me.

 

So, anyway, I could ask him for a cup of coffee, ey? Without coming accross as desperate or silly?