sadandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 He did it again last night, we had to go to sleep and i woke up around 1am an he had his hand in his pants, so i pulled it out an his penis was kinda wet and he turned around pretending to sleep i dont think he was really sleeping and then what happened was he got up an hes like i have to go pee his penis was real hard an it wus standing up an im like ill go with u an hes liek what why an im like cuz i have to pee an hes like go pee im like no ill go with u an hes like ok.. an he waited a little then got up an went to the bathroom with me following him an then he turned around in a wierd angle to pee like he didnt want me to see but whenever we go to the bathroom he always lets me see wtf . a**h***. i turned on the light an he turned it off telling me his "eyes" hurt.. u pee with the lights on not off where its pitch dark and then he went back an i didnt pee i lied. he layed in the bed im like did u like me going with u hes like no i feel like i need a babysitter to watch me. im like omg u always go with me is it because u like masterbating alone an he started to bitch at me, hes like ****ing go home i dont need u here, an he shook me an dug his nails in my shoulders real hard, i think i have a bruise from him now. an he said im acting like a psycho he never did anything im like why is ur penis so hard like that hes like because i dont know i had to pee an hes like i was having a dream about me being in college ok if u want to know. an i stood frozen.. and i didnt speak.. he tried to hug me by telling me all these stupid ass lies. The fact i dont agree with what hes doing is because all the 4 yrs ive been with him he thinks if u masterbate alone ur cheating on the person he even said it but hes doing it alone. that makes no ****ing sense whats so ever. He tried to hug me an kiss me an try to talk to me but im like why are u hugging a psycho. an he moved away an then he couldnt sleep he has 2 more hours till work he said that he couldnt sleep an he was crying. was he crying of the fact he got caught or what.. i hate this i dont know anymore now i dont appreciate him I dont know what to do next or say to him, hes been raising his voice at me like hes never done before telling me to go back home to illinois even though we live like together now hes from massachusets.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I will say this clearly. You need help. You both do. Serious, intense psychological help. You are killing yourselves slowly, and you are dragging each other down into a black hole. You are emotionally abusing your boyfriend, and he is abusing you in return. Pick up the phone. Call a therapist. Set up an appointment and get the help you need.
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Woah this is really confusing. So you followed him into the bathroom because he wanted to masturbate? ANd he thinks it's cheating if you masturbate alone? This is a bit confusing. What is the problem?
Author sadandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 I dont need a therapist, Ive been molested by my father twice in my life. And what hurts me is hes been brainwashing me with sorts like how all men cheat, how masterbating is wrong, and now when I see him doing it I think these things and I dont know what to do. My boyfriend pushed me and shook me, he yelled at me in a way he never yelled at me before, he dug his nails into my skin and I dont know if this is him being abuseive. I only followed him in the bathroom because I wanted to know if he was really masterbating.. but he didnt because i was in there. Even though he smelled like cum when he peed. What should I do with him
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by sadandconfused I dont need a therapist, Ive been molested by my father twice in my life. And what hurts me is hes been brainwashing me with sorts like how all men cheat, how masterbating is wrong, and now when I see him doing it I think these things and I dont know what to do. My boyfriend pushed me and shook me, he yelled at me in a way he never yelled at me before, he dug his nails into my skin and I dont know if this is him being abuseive. I only followed him in the bathroom because I wanted to know if he was really masterbating.. but he didnt because i was in there. Even though he smelled like cum when he peed. What should I do with him Okaaaaaay. I agree with what Lucrezia said. You do sound very sad and confused and maybe a therapist could help you sort things out in your head.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Pack your stuff and move out. If you refuse to help yourself in a situation, at the very least you can remove yourself from it. I hope that you will realize that you do need help, and that you can get the help that you need. It is only one phone call away...
She_Devil Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Let him go. Learn to masterbate and appreciate yourself and love yourself. You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself. You do need a therapist. Someone needs to help your work through this I think you are too far gone to do it alone. Just my 2 cents.
Author sadandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 But do you think hes abusing me
She_Devil Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 No. But we are not there you are. You have to come to that conclustion on your own. You are giving us one side of the story, he is probably just as frustrated as you are. You are acting like a victim when in fact you are not. Seriously get some help, you are killing yourself slowly.
Author sadandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Its stupid how yesterday i tried to do it for him an he said he was tired but at night he does it himself.. or he says he doesnt remember doing it but 2 days ago he had his hand there he was moving an he knew i was pretending to sleep because i saw him open his eyes an pretend to sleep i took off the blankets an he stopped an pretend he was sleeping an he yelled at me an said i dont wanna go out with u anymore but of course he started to cry an say he didnt mean it i dont believe this anymore
Marshbear Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by sadandconfused I don't need a therapist, I've been molested by my father twice in my life. And what hurts me is he's been brainwashing me with sorts like how all men cheat, how masturbating is wrong, and now when I see him doing it I think these things and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend pushed me and shook me, he yelled at me in a way he never yelled at me before, he dug his nails into my skin and I don't know if this is him being abusive. I only followed him in the bathroom because I wanted to know if he was really masturbating.. but he didn't because i was in there. Even though he smelled like cum when he peed. What should I do with him And what hurts me is he's been brainwashing me with sorts like how all men cheat,Do you mean your father or your b/f is saying these things? It's normal to masturbate. I'm sure he didn't want to with you watching him. He sounds like he is abusive to you ( he dug his nails into my skin ) and he diffinately shouldn't be abusing you. I would tell him you will not put up with physical abuse from him and if he doesn't stop then you are finished. Don't let it escalate into more and more ( abusers will progressively get worse ). As far as cheating from masturbation I would say that if he is thinking about another women then you when he is doing this then it might technically be cheating. You need to talk to him and understand why he feels the need to do this without you. Peace...
noname Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 masterbation is a major taboo to some people. it is still viewed by some as deviant sexual behavior. even those who choose and feel they need to do it would rather do it alone. even alone, many feel embarrassed. i'm sure it was embarrassing when you caught him. and i'm sure anyone would get very upset at someone investigating their bathroom breaks. i am not sure if he is abusing you because i don't know your history together. but LB is right, maybe you should go see counseling alone or together. i smell trouble down the road if this relationship continues in this manner. and it stinks a lot worse than semen...
Author sadandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear And what hurts me is he's been brainwashing me with sorts like how all men cheat,Do you mean your father or your b/f is saying these things? It's normal to masturbate. I'm sure he didn't want to with you watching him. He sounds like he is abusive to you ( he dug his nails into my skin ) and he diffinately shouldn't be abusing you. I would tell him you will not put up with physical abuse from him and if he doesn't stop then you are finished. Don't let it escalate into more and more ( abusers will progressively get worse ). As far as cheating from masturbation I would say that if he is thinking about another women then you when he is doing this then it might technically be cheating. You need to talk to him and understand why he feels the need to do this without you. Peace... Thank you for replying. I have talked with him and he said that he doesnt remember masterbating he went on this long speech of how he loves me an he would never do anything to hurt me. He even said hes not a pervert an masterbating at night is wrong.. that is cheating. he is the one telling me this, and I live off it. My dad was the one brainwashing me at 16. Im 20 now and my boyfriend is 19, hes a year younger then me. My boyfriend lies alot he says he hates women but likes me only, he says he doesnt like girls in general only me, he says he never looked at porn he never does cuz i see the computer usually, and he stares at girls an denies or lies saying he never does.. ITs bull**** if you ask me. When he comes from work today what should I do? Hes always told me now how he wants me to wear a nurse outfit or be a school girl, what the **** is with that?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 I'm beginning to think this is bogus. If its not, then G_d help you. The best thing for you and this guy would be to say your goodbyes and get as far away as possible from each other and into some sort of intense individual counseling.
noname Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by sadandconfused Its stupid how yesterday i tried to do it for him an he said he was tired but at night he does it himself.. or he says he doesnt remember doing it but 2 days ago he had his hand there he was moving an he knew i was pretending to sleep because i saw him open his eyes an pretend to sleep i took off the blankets an he stopped an pretend he was sleeping an he yelled at me an said i dont wanna go out with u anymore but of course he started to cry an say he didnt mean it i dont believe this anymore he said he didn't need you there and he doesn't want to see you anymore. he lies. you don't believe him when he says things. i'm sure most LS-ers would agree, these are all signs of an unhealthy relationship. call it quits... period... p.s. and stop pulling the covers off people. it sucks whether you are sleeping or not...
J dub Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by noname p.s. and stop pulling the covers off people. it sucks whether you are sleeping or not... LOL I think this is either a huge lie (and some sicko is getting a kick out of it) or this girl is seriously in need of some therapy, FAST. Just because he says masturbating is cheating - you believe everything he says? Why be with someone you know lies to you? As for the nurse/school girl thing, its a fantasy - are you going to say thats something wrong and irrational too?
Marshbear Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by sadandconfused Thank you for replying. I have talked with him and he said that he doesn't remember masturbating he went on this long speech of how he loves me an he would never do anything to hurt me. He even said he's not a pervert an masturbating at night is wrong.. that is cheating. he is the one telling me this, and I live off it. My dad was the one brainwashing me at 16. I'm 20 now and my boyfriend is 19, he's a year younger then me. My boyfriend lies alot he says he hates women but likes me only, he says he doesn't like girls in general only me, he says he never looked at porn he never does cuz i see the computer usually, and he stares at girls an denies or lies saying he never does.. Its bull**** if you ask me. When he comes from work today what should I do? He's always told me now how he wants me to wear a nurse outfit or be a school girl, what the **** is with that? I seriously doubt that he has never looked at porn. When he comes home I would tell him that you will not tolerate any more abuse from him and if there is any hint of it again you are through with him. Not all men cheat. Just because you have a thought about someone that does not mean cheating unless you think about this person constantly to the exclusion of your spouse or b/f,g/f. If that is the case I don't think the relationship will survive. I'm sure your b/f doesn't hate all women but you. If he does then he is psychotic and he needs therapy. You need to decide what you want out of the relationship. Is he filling your needs? You are young and being with someone who is this controlling is not good. Peace...
blue_eyes18 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Ok, I just wanted to let you know that you DO need help. Ok, first of all, you shouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that digs their damn finger nails into you. For whatever reason! And all the other things he said or did or whatever, it's obvious that you need to get away from him. He is not healthy for you to be around with him treating you the way he does. Prolly the best thing you can do right now is stay the hell away from guys until you figure out why you are so upset and worried about a guy that abuses you. I hope you listen to me and realize that you are worth more than you realize. You will be much better off without the guy that is abusing you. Sometimes, guys are just ****ty, no matter how good the girl is. It's just reality. Anyways, please get some kind of help. Please.
clandestinidad Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Okay...forgive me, I'm a little confused about this and have some questions. Do yall have sex? If so, how often (__ times per week or month etc) And is it "normal" sex?? Now this one is more personal about him: Has he ever been abused or molested?? I ask b/c sometimes people that have been cant do it with other people for numerous reasons. I thought about this possibility b/c of how upset and defensive he gets, and that he apparently has an inner battle about masturbation being filthy and cheating.....and wants to keep it secret. These things indicate to ME, at least, that he has some sort of damaging past with sex.
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