Do long vacations together ruin relationships or strengthen them?

[Jolene]

I want to understand my boyfriend, who I trust and love. This strange behaviour causes mild suspicion, though, because it is weird. I have a 6 year old son, and our relationship has always had a more complicated dynamic than just dating. He has been serious and involved with us for more than 6 months. But one prevalent behaviour doesn't change much. He puts space between us when it is not appropriate or necessary. We spend a lot of time together on the weekends. We now sleep in the same bed (mine, usually during the week for the sake of my son and his schedule). But during the week, he recoils to his house from the hours of after work until 9 or 10 when he comes over to sleep, and I really do mean sleep. So what gives? Why does he busy himself with work or errands and chores during the week to the point that we don't really connect or discuss much. Then he is good to switch the relationship back into green mode as soon as the weekend comes....we eat, do errands and sleep in the same house just like a family (with a few hour breaks in between outings, etc.).

 

What is he up to? I am just so curious why he does this? And no, he's not gay (to the very best of my knowledge) Lately, he even tells me the reason why I shouldn't wait up for him is because he is going back into work, but then he doesn't and just stays home doing whatever. But he comes to me by 9 or 10 to cuddle up and sleep. Is this just weird, or what? I would know if he were an alcoholic or something, right? We are supposed to be going to Philadelphia (myself, my 6 yr old son, and him) for two weeks straight, and I am dead nervous about it because we aren't used to spending that much one on one. He will likely go off on his own to some places like museums or the local University Campus to check out those scenes while my son and I do something more child focused. I expect we will spend most of our travel time together as a family unit, but that is merely a presumption on my part.

 

Okay, so am I just not understanding something really basic here about the way unmarried men like to operate?

[moimeme]

Okay, so am I just not understanding something really basic here about the way unmarried men like to operate?

 

Even if 99% of single men did this, it doesn't mean you should believe in generalizations. What may be true for all of them may still not be true for him. Bottom line: ask HIM. Trying to read someone's mind is always a mistake.

[froggytroat]

Well, if you know him well enough to be sleeping with him, and involving him with your child, and going on vacation with him, don't you know him well enough to talk about it.

 

Ask him what the plans for the vacation are, and get your answer there.

[Jolene]

Yes, I have spoken to him only last night about these thoughts. I am satisfied that there are no underlying issues such as a need to withdraw, necessarily. He just gets busy with his home, his garden, his job, and whatever he needs to do.

 

Frankly, I can occupy my time and take care of myself as well. I just wanted to rule out any obvious signs of distancing behaviour.

 

I can't help noticing that many men have difficulty talking about their feelings, and I think it's because that makes them feel less in control. I can handle that, but I worry a bit when there could be negative feelings such as resentment, fear, indifference which would otherwise not be communicated, but would be evident in certain behaviours. That's all.

 

The good news is......everything is totally fine and I am so looking forward to spending unencumbered vacation time with my honey!!!!!

 

btw - not everyone who shares an intimate relationship lives up to the expectation that they will be completely upfront and honest about their feelings and emotions....a harsh reality only discovered after being disappointed or hurt by the ones we love! But I like to think positively as much as I can. Behaviour speaks volumes.