Breakup after 3 years on the day - feels like a divorce. why did she do this

[lostsoul2016]

Thank you for reading.

Right now I am very down and depressed. I have not eaten in 2 weeks properly, lost a lot of weight and have had to move out from my now ex (I hate to say that) after 3 years of being together (2 years living together).

 

 

I have left my life behind (professional and independence) and had to move back home to my mom which sounds pathetic but having no where to go...what do you do?

 

I cannot even gather my thoughts to write down the issue.

 

a little background about me:

 

I am a very deep thinker, a professional, a passionate and very affectionate sensual person. The country where I live (UK) has really awful women, and I don't like to brand as such but it is a well known fact that british women are awful in many aspects and love reporting serious false allegations against innocent men.

 

 

what does not help is my race. Even though I am British born, I am of a middle eastern decent and given how the world is these days - it really doesn't help me.

 

I have no confidence in myself but only in terms of my professional career. I have 2 businesses (one in the US and the UK), won global awards for the work that I do and never have asked for money at all.

I am a respectable individual. A strong strict background.

 

I am also a person that does not sleep around or go from one person to the next. I don't like that, nor do I play games or do drama. I can say that with my hand on my heart.

 

I am very unattractive physically and women here only care about looks. seriously, you have no idea. I wont go into it....

 

fast forward to 3 years ago - met this amazing woman. Fell in love like no other. my inner passion, sensuality, emotional side came out (that ive always had) and she loved it. I mean the simplest of things we would love to do together such as going out to the shops for groceries, dinners, you name it. Even cultural/heritage stuff.

 

loved each other like we never have. Sure, she was divorced for a long time and have had men cheat on her but the one thing that struck a chord so much was the morals and ethics. That she isn't like other women and so unique - does not sleep around or continue to search when you are with someone (of which I have always been a victim of).

 

I am a deep thinker and a mature responsible one. This is another thing she liked a lot about me.

 

sure, she has been stressed with work but no matter what I always make the time even if she cannot. I helped her, stood by her through thick in thin. After all, it is what a committed relationship is about.

 

we bought each other commitment rings and were indeed going to head towards marriage.

 

remember: I'm very insecure about myself because of my large experience and constant rejection and not being able to fit into society.

 

I took her to places she only ever dreamed of going such as recently to Dubai. She is my world and we truly loved each other. There was no pressure, no awkwardness - nothing of the sort since we met the first time.

 

ive been through some rough times personally and she was there to support me and wanted me to move in to her place. Great! But I always paid my way.

 

anyway, fast forward till about last week on her birthday (Saturday).

 

 

it was to be our 3rd anniversary. for whatever reason recently she hasn't been straight with me and no idea why. Being the person I am, I am a sensitive soul and try to be there for her. I'm open and honest and always wear my heart on my sleeve.

 

 

she has always been in denial that there is something wrong.

 

 

she has had building work carried out at her place and has had builders.

 

 

anyway, she has been telling lies and confiding to them (one person in particular) about me as I saw the messages on her phone. she tells me one thing like she wants to be with me but being apart for a month would be good as she needs space (not sure why to be honest since I am always stuck in my office for at least 13-14 hours a day).

 

 

she tells me she wants me, loves me and she is hurting as she is doing this to me. Again, I don't know why and I keep asking.

she always said she is not going to kick me out at all but guess what? Yep - this past Saturday the 14th may 2016, she did just that. her birthday and our 3 year anniversary. I had to go.

 

 

I cannot sleep or eat. I don't understand why she has been telling lies and confiding to the builder about our personal matters/relationship.

 

sexually, all has been great. ive always asked if there is something I could be doing wrong and no - never. she always has said its been amazing and you can tell just by looking into her eyes and her gorgeous face. (she is in her late 40's now).

 

 

I am torn apart. her family and I got on very well. we are not the party type but quiet, peaceful and keep ourselves to ourselves. her family liked me a lot too and not because they are happy for her daughter but we had a good relationship. that's important to me as I am a family type of person.

 

 

my head is all over the place. this may not even make sense reading.

 

 

now she is telling her friends what a bad person I am and that really isn't fair given everything. I also have her personal belonging in my storage unit along with my stuff due to the building work but I am now in a different country than her at the moment (but easy to hop on a flight).

 

 

the point is, I just don't get what happened. I have been very upset and my trust completely broken because of her lies to me about telling other people whatever the issues are. relationships have their ups and downs but you work at them to get it right. that's what I always believe.

 

 

we never argue - I am not the argumentative time or raise my voice or shout. She does often speak her mind about things in general which can get her into a lot of trouble but I try to calm her about it (i.e immigrants or benefits etc...).

 

 

At least I know I am a devoted person, committed to the relationship. At least I know I don't cheat but she pretty much in the process of cheating yet she says to me that if she is with someone then she is all in it and not half and half (which is a good thing and that's what I like).

 

 

not happy that she has done this after everything we have built and the time spent. you live once, you make the most of it but does not mean you need to play these games and cause nonsense. its not fair on me.

 

 

her tears seemed genuine the last week and saying that she is sorry for hurting me, that I am her dark prince and angel that fell from the sky. she has always said this. and I always speak from the heart (even before all of this nonsense started).

 

 

I tell her how much I love her and why. I sometimes bring flowers to her (a lost art as some say). I go deep into my heart and tell her, and write love notes too, about why she is amazing to me and what she means to me because these days people just rush and don't really take the time and don't know what a proper, true relationship is.

 

 

I miss her so much. Sure, granted I have sent angry and hasty emails to her but its understandable why - the lies and deceit.

 

 

why not just tell me what's up? she has always been able to be open without the fear of being hurt (as she has in the past like me). She always rushes around because of work and other things she needs to do around the house, which i try to help her with, but still nothing.

 

 

I just wish there was an explanation but I am so heart broken and barely functional without her. I really devoted myself to her and the relationship and we agreed that messing around is not the right way and we are both way better than that.

 

 

Food doesn't taste the same without her. Cannot sleep, or drink. I wish she would think about me at least or all of this. She has caused me a lot of pain and anger yet when I get frustrated (I ask her lots of questions or I just end up shutting down) She says that I'm not normal or its not a normal way to react and I just don't know what to say at that point.

all i know is that we have so much in common and so much desire, we resonate together and love doing many things together and then this happens.

 

Now I am suffering in many aspects including my career and she does know that.

 

 

She told me that maybe me moving nearby someplace will help a lot with her space to which i was ok with (but not really however i respected that) and said that its fine but i don't want anything to change between us to which she said that it wouldn't but certainly will help. Obviously its not easy to find a place to rent just like that but within about a week she just pretty much said i had to go...and it had to be on her birthday/our 3 years together. Woke up that day together (I said I'd go to a hotel but she said she didn't want that and wants me to stay), i wished her a happy birthday and she wished us a happy 3 years and kissed. then obviously on that day in the evening i had to go.

 

 

i organized a small little event for us and her family for her birthday to which i wasn't invited to go and then arranged a surprise dinner for us and her friends in the evening to celebrate our anniversary to which of course i was not allowed to go in the end.

 

 

just makes no sense. FINALLY a decent woman who loves me for me and finds me appealing in many aspects including the physical and then this happens. Why oh why I'll never know.

 

 

i wrote her a love letter 2 days prior, she came into the office with tears in her eyes and gave me such a passionate and sensual kiss and held me tight as i did with her. She said she doesn't want me to go and is sorry that she is doing this.

 

 

im so confused. honestly hand on her, she has been the best thing and ill never meet anyone like that again, nor do I want to and I know it's cliché saying "never say never" and "time will heal" but ive been through so much in life and she understood and respected and was never judgemental.... she is my everything.

her sophistication, her elegance and beauty... just so right.

 

 

im so sorry. Thanks for reading. I just cannot comprehend why people do this. There is so much more to write but I just cannot.

[Toodaloo]

She doesn't love you.

 

She is trying to set you free to find someone else.

 

By the way thanks for the slate on British Women. Actually very few of us sleep about, have wondering eyes, and abuse men...

 

I digress. Its time to get over this one and move on.

 

Everything you are suffering and feeling right now is normal after a relationship break down.

 

My advice is sort out your finances. Stay with Mum if you can for now until you have enough for your own place. Concentrate on work and eating properly then let time do its work on the rest.

[lostsoul2016]

I understand that but what im saying is, it just makes no sense and no need for it at all. after everything we have done and been through then does this for no reason and tells me one thing and a stranger another... makes no sense. why meddle.

[sparkle222]

I was all ready to feel sorry for you but jeez your comments on British women are so unacceptable. I wouldn't date someone who said things like that.

 

Anyway sounds like the normal end of a relationship. Of course she's going to talk to other people about it and probably say hurtful things about you; that's a way for her to sort out her feelings (sounds like doubt/loss of love built up over time) and put some distance between herself and the rs. She hasn't really been that deceitful.. Of course everyone says they love their partner and will never leave them, until they do. For whatever reason she fell out of love, which sucks and hurts but that's a risk you take when you fall in love, and it's something just about everyone will experience. People are fickle. Unless you did some wrong things there's no reason to be hard on yourself.

Focus on yourself and keeping your life together. And maybe try to be less introspective/worrying about others' views of you, work on being more positive, physically active etc.

[kidm]

End of relationships can be brutal. Unfortunately, the pain usually gets worse before it gets better. Hang in there.

Edited May 17, 2016 by kidm
typo

[lostsoul2016]

Thanks Kidm.

it just makes no sense. especially the last few days to the end and what she said to me, the things she did with me.... just no idea.

 

 

i thought she would have a conscious but maybe not in the end i don't know but she will always forever be within me. oh sweetheart... why.

[LD1990]

her tears seemed genuine the last week and saying that she is sorry for hurting me, that I am her dark prince and angel that fell from the sky. she has always said this. and I always speak from the heart (even before all of this nonsense started).

 

Sounds like you found yourself a late 40s woman with the heart of a 12 year old poet.

 

Honestly your whole post gives off a very bitter, insecure vibe, and I wonder how much of this relationship you're idealizing. You trash an entire nation's population of women (personally being from the States I dig that accent ) and even claim they love to "report serious allegations against innocent men." Where did that come from? That doesn't seem like something you'd randomly throw into a post, unless you've got some firsthand experience. You mention that you're not the type to speak out, and you'd try to calm your ex when she did, which sounds annoying.

 

If your bitterness and negative attitude towards almost all the women in your country are that easy to spot in one forum post you made, I wouldn't doubt that your ex saw that too. Neither of those are attractive qualities.

[lostsoul2016]

LD - thanks. i understand however I am not idealizing. it is the truth otherwise i would not be saying it and what would the benefit be of making something up?

 

 

this is EXACTLY how it has been. no more, no less.

 

 

i guess people have forgotten what a true relationship is these days with classic values. just seems that I'm the man and I'm always wrong. typical scenario...

 

 

thanks anyway.

Edited May 17, 2016 by lostsoul2016

[LD1990]

LD - thanks. i understand however I am not idealizing. it is the truth otherwise i would not be saying it and what would the benefit be of making something up?

 

 

this is EXACTLY how it has been. no more, no less.

 

 

i guess people have forgotten what a true relationship is these days with classic values. just seems that I'm the man and I'm always wrong. typical scenario...

 

 

thanks anyway.

 

So, your attitude towards women in your country is that they're all awful and shallow, and many of them enjoy making false allegations against innocent men. A lot of people would find that pretty offensive, especially that last part. I'm not saying your ex did nothing wrong, but you really think your bitterness and insecurity didn't play a part, too? Those both cause huge issues in relationships, and they're not the type of problems that just go away when you get a girlfriend.