The_Dork_Lard Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Has anybody any stories of delayed break-up grief? If so, how long was it delayed? How long did it last? Mine delayed by 8 months, THEN it hit me, and I've been getting steadily worse for the last 2 months. I'm in a deeper state of sorrow now than at any time since we broke up 10 months ago. At first I felt relief when she broke up with me, and all I could think of were the bad times, and all the serious crap she gave me. But now, no matter how hard I try to force myself to think of the crap, images of the good times and all I loved about her are FORCING their way into my mind. I'm SO tempted to break no contact, but I won't, I'm not that delusional. I made that mistake once, and once is all I can take (it wasn't good). Yesterday I was made redundant from the best job I ever had, one of those "dead man's shoes" types of jobs, and I'm hardly even registering it. I'm like "meh, I'll find another", even though I won't, not like this job. Other peoples' stories of delayed grief will help me at the moment.
keiji Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Has anybody any stories of delayed break-up grief? If so, how long was it delayed? How long did it last? Mine delayed by 8 months, THEN it hit me, and I've been getting steadily worse for the last 2 months. I'm in a deeper state of sorrow now than at any time since we broke up 10 months ago. At first I felt relief when she broke up with me, and all I could think of were the bad times, and all the serious crap she gave me. But now, no matter how hard I try to force myself to think of the crap, images of the good times and all I loved about her are FORCING their way into my mind. I'm SO tempted to break no contact, but I won't, I'm not that delusional. I made that mistake once, and once is all I can take (it wasn't good). Yesterday I was made redundant from the best job I ever had, one of those "dead man's shoes" types of jobs, and I'm hardly even registering it. I'm like "meh, I'll find another", even though I won't, not like this job. Other peoples' stories of delayed grief will help me at the moment. I'm also a delayed-reaction kind of person. When my ex-wife left 5 years ago, I was doing pretty well for two months. The third month got slightly worse due to fights for our material possessions (which lasted 2 years in total until I finally threw in the towel and basically gave everything away to her). And suddenly, the fourth month everything dawned on me. It was over and we'd never get back together. It's not like I didn't have any signs to tell me so before. I guess my brain cut sadness out until it could not keep it at bay anymore. That was may/june. In September I started my road back to happiness after a so-so summer. By mid-late August I was feeling so much better. My "recovery schedule" isn't necessarily like yours. All I'm saying is it's normal, and you've been through other emotions, so I wouldn't say you're starting the mourning from scratch. As human beings we're not so different. I guess we just combine and recombine those feelings in different ways. If you read a thread I started a couple of hours ago, you'll see that six months after my latest breakup and almost four of no contact, I've already gone through the depressive phase and the idealization stage where she was the most amazing creature on Earth (even if I knew she's not) and last week I started feeling really angry and the whole thing exploded yesterday night and finally died for good this morning. I don't have the slightest clue why I'm mad at her now, but I hadn't been before. I probably had to be at some point, and that point is now.
Cherryz Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 I think its something that takes time. thats why its ok to take time to go true it. And its healthy to go true the emotions for a moment. so you can get it out and heal. Depends on what you had and how long and how deep, it takes longer to heal from it. It also depends on if you allow yourself to go true it. Or ignore or suppress it or keep holding hope. Once you going true the process let your close friends and family know, so they can pull you out of it and give you some distraction like take you out and so on. And try to get the good things that you got out of it. Even if it was a bad one, see what you learned out of this and glad its over and not wasting more of your time. Plan your days, with nice things sport, work, school, friends, family, trips, . Dont sit all day crying and listen to sad tunes. 1
Kelsy Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Hi Yes, same here. Its about 1 year for me (4 months NC). I had pretty bad months (about 2-3 months ago). So last 2 months have been with (emotional) waves. I have been ok, it means that I try to accept the break up and look at the positive side of life. But sometime I am like back at the beginning and feel so low (good memories coming back or if somebody mentions his name and his happy life). And sometimes I am getting frustrated that he is in my head most of the time. This strange feeling is like part of my life already Oh well..I really want to be happy and totally over it already ... I guess time, positive mindset and someone new will change it.
Frank13 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Five months later I went into a one month depression.
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