SixxChick Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 So, being the giving person that I am, I cannot rescue this guy. He's in a huge bind, but I am not opening up my checkbook anymore. I did refer him to a really great guy who runs a mission and could probably help him. How do I really go NC when it goes against my nature?
basil67 Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 It goes against your nature to block someone who's using you for cash? 4
Zahara Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 It's in your nature to keep giving to someone who was an ass**** to you? Go back and read your thread -- the one about how they treat strangers better than you. Time to learn some life lessons. This isn't about your giving nature. This is about your need to please/appease and in return be accepted/liked/validated. 2
Author SixxChick Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 Wow, that was a slap in the face. I guess you are right. I wasn't thinking about validation at all. Perhaps it's time to explore that.
Zahara Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) Wow, that was a slap in the face. I guess you are right. I wasn't thinking about validation at all. Perhaps it's time to explore that. I think people that continuously feel the need to give especially when it's one sided, do so because it's coming from a place of motive. Needing acceptance, needing to be liked, needing for the other person to validate them. Hoping that generosity will win their favor. Or maybe subtly trying to plant the seed that this is what you do when you love someone when in a relationship whereby the other isn't reciprocating. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in your other post, but at some point you need to practice better boundaries. It's wonderful to have a caring and giving nature but the right thing to do would be to have healthy boundaries. If you have that, you won't be creating threads wondering why your excessive giving garners you nothing in return. He's a grown man. He's going to find a way to take care of himself. I am sure if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't really care how you're doing. Prioritize yourself. PS: Why are you in contact with him? Edited May 17, 2016 by Zahara 2
Author SixxChick Posted May 17, 2016 Author Posted May 17, 2016 I am sure if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't really care how you're doing. Prioritize yourself. PS: Why are you in contact with him? I can assure you that you are correct in your assessment. And the reason I am in contact is that I am getting blood from a stone. I have strong-armed him into paying me back the money he owes me. He comes through every month. It's almost not worth it anymore because it flies in the face of NC. Thank you for the enlightenment. Sometimes it's just a giant emotional mess, and I should probably be done, move on, and establish boundaries. I sound like a freakin' head case. Thank you for your advice. 1
sorano Posted May 17, 2016 Posted May 17, 2016 Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. 2
Author SixxChick Posted May 18, 2016 Author Posted May 18, 2016 Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Thank you. It was a momentary lapse of reason.
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